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A silly poem about bizarre gifts from my equally bizarre husband |
For my twenty-second birthday you gave me a handmade pinata of the dragon kite from Tikki Tikki Tembo painted blue. Smashed open with a dirty broom handle, yoghurt-covered raisins and a vibrator clattered to the floor-- wonderful obscene sprawl of robot cock and jizz bullets! For our first Valentine's Day you made me a papier mache heart box and in the box- Edward Penis Hands. This should not have been opened at work. You've given me electronics of the non-pornographic variety. Music players and gaming devices. You have never bought me jewelry or given me a venereal disease. This is a fair trade. I lost gwen in a bloody battle with a surgeon's knife, four months later you gave me Simone. You gave me an amaryllis that never bloomed, I married you anyway. You gave me two brothers, a lunatic mother, a beleagured father You've given me Alan Moore, Shane Black, Simone DeBeauvoir and Genesis You gave me a coffee table that sits in storage, chipped on the corners. I've taken all of these the way I take you With pleasure, laughter, surprise And occasionally dismay |