The Forgiven Mistake

The Forgiven Mistake Chapter 1

She stares into my eyes. Blue eyes are her favorite. Whenever we were able to, we listened to our favorite song Baby Blue Eyes. We love that song because it was the song that was playing when I asked her to be my girlfriend. She always smiled so sweetly. Her lips were pressed together and her eyes were swelling up. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. I take her by the hand and stare into her beautiful green eyes. This time instead of holding it in, she cries. She moves her hand away from mine and covers her face. I can tell she’s crying. I try to comfort her even though I’m the reason for her pain. I’m the reason for it this time. It’s my turn to get on my knees and beg for forgiveness. That’s exactly what I do, sort of.

“Baby please, I’m sorry. I regret it, I was so stupid and I didn’t know what I was doing, I’m an idiot. I’m sorry!” My eyes started to swell as well. But Summer being Summer just looked at me with bloodshot hurt eyes, and spoke solidly.

“You cheated, you lied and you even told our best friend that he should go fuck himself… I can’t do it, I can’t… do this.” Her solid words were enough to hear. She looked at me in fear and pain. I just sat there on her bed and tried to reel myself into my own being and explain myself.

         “Summer, you’re my girlfriend; you are the love of my life. I did something stupid, I know. But everybody makes mistakes and that was a mistake, I made the biggest mistake ever!” I was trying to hold the tears back as much as possible but they came out without a doubt.

“Don’t try to feed me that bullshit line Evermore!” She looked at me, even though she wanted me to hold her she stayed in her cocoon she builds when she gets hurt.

“Look, Travis told me to go die! He told me a lot of shit that stood in my head and it’s never going to leave. I love you, I really do and that night… That night I realized that I didn’t like her like that. I thought I would, I thought I didn’t love you… I thought that's why I saw that girl… but no… I don’t and didn’t like her like that at all! I can tell you that straight up because everything was wrong. Everything was wrong that night and it was so different than you. You are the world to me, you look at me and smile it’s so different than ANY girl. I love you, and I truly realized that, that night. And I can promise you that I will never have a thought like that again because you are the only girl I want to be with. Please, forgive me!” The tears were real now. They roll down my face as I finish my last words. She could tell my words were real.

“Evermore, you know how hard it is for me to trust people and for you to cheat on me… we made a promise. You broke the promise and I can’t forgive you for that! I… I do love you and I forgive you but I don’t know what to say or what to do because my heart hurts. It’s sinking in my chest right now.” I could tell there was pain in her voice. The pain reaches my heart and I accepted what she wanted.

I turn to her and kiss her forehead. “You will always be my baby girl. No matter where we go in this world, you will always be the girl who was my first love.” I get up off her bed and step over the pile of books that fell. I reach down and pick them up and put them away then walk out of her room without saying a word. 

I can hear her crying as I walk down the stairs into the family room. I sit down on the leather couch and put both my palms on my face. My conscious is thinking aloud; “Ever, what the hell have we gotten ourselves into!? You just lost the love of your life because you’re a dumbass. You don’t deserve to even be in her house anymore!” I start to bawl out like a baby because I realize I really did fuck up big time and it’s all my fault.

I hear Summer come down the stairs. She looks at me and she knows how I’m feeling inside; Regret, remorse, and pain. She starts to speak to me in a weak voice, too weak to really understand.

“I want you to—” She began, but I cut her off before she could finish.

“I’m leaving. I’m just gonna get my stuff tomorrow. I’m sorry. I’ll be gone in a minute.” I walk out of the room and into the dining room to get my cell phone and keys to my car. I just got the car last week and I was hoping she’d forgive me so I could take her on the most romantic date, but that’s not going to happen. I knew she doesn’t want me to leave but I don’t want to carry on hurting her. I can’t hold myself together. My thoughts escape through my mouth. “I can’t let her get hurt; I can’t let her see me cry. All I want to do is hold her but I can’t. I need to just leave.”

Before Summer can tell me to stay and hold her like I want to, I escape through the front door. The tears pour out nonstop so I don’t drive off until I pull myself together enough to get home. I put the keys into the ignition and turn on the stereo full blast, blasting our song so she can hear. When the tears are enough to bear I drive off. I drive down the street and as soon as I know she can’t see my car, I pull over and bawl out as if there were rivers coming off my face like in anime. I let all my feelings out in the car, I scream I yell and I throw the biggest tantrum a 16 year old could have. I throw my arms and kick my feet until the pain escapes my body. The emotions inside me pour out into the car, defenseless and probably wanting to escape my emotional outbreak.

I calm myself down enough to change the radio station and continue my way home. Right now, I didn’t want to look at my phone. I didn’t want to start sobbing again. I just want to get home. I tell myself the entire way “Just get home”. The last stop light I was almost completely calm. It took me about an hour to get home after I spent a good 30 minutes breaking down. I pull into the driveway and walk through the door. I’m greeted by my trusted sidekick Marly-Anne. She’s a great big Golden Retriever mixed with Rottweiler. Nobody is home like always. Why would anybody be home? My mom is always going out getting wasted and she never comes home and my dad died 6 years ago. I’m going to have to go pick up the baby, my baby brother Lyon. He’s usually at day care but now that I’m homeschooling myself I’m getting him out of there and I will be able to watch him. I put my phone on the charger and the keys on the table. I walk to the refrigerator and grab seven pieces of cheese and two pieces of bread with the tub of butter. I make my cheesy, cheesy grilled cheese that Lyon loves with an exceptional amount of extra cheese and butter. He’s going to be one-years-old soon. His birthday is the day that me and Summer… It was the day I asked her to be my girlfriend. May 27th 2010 was the day he was born.

I go through the day we met. It was actually at the hospital my mom had Lyon at. I was sitting outside the room because my mom was having a C-Section and there Summer was, her eyes looking directly at me. I looked at her a few times to see if she was actually looking at me and she was. She was looking and smiling at me with her courageous smile she had. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing but I went up to her and started talking to her.

“Hey.” I smile at her as best I can without blushing, much.

“Oh! Hello!” She smiled and blushed, her cheeks lifting up to her eyes it seemed.

“What are you here for?” I asked, hoping I didn’t sound retarded because this was the delivery floor.

“Well, my mom works here as an NICU nurse and an Obstetrician.” She smiled at me and blushed. “She’s actually in room 7 doing a C-Section.”

My mind paused, “Wait, your mom is delivering my mom’s baby?!” I was bewildered to hear that a beautiful girl’s mom would be delivering my newborn brother.

“Your mom is in there?!” She was just as bewildered as I was. We both looked at each other, and that's when it got into the dirty detail.

“Want a snack?” I walk up to the vending machine and put in 5 dollars.

“Sure. Cheetos?” I blushed while looking at the machine because that happens to be my favorite snacky food.

I press the letter and number in accordance to where the Cheetos are. She turned my way and blushed when I pressed the same one a few times because I wanted to get my 5 dollars worth of a 50 cent big bag. I pull out all 10 bags of Cheetos and laugh. “We’re going to be good for a few… minutes.” I opened my bag and hers for her and she smiled and blushed at me. That's when I wanted to know.

“So are you a—”

“I’m a lesbian yes.” She blushed and looked away, taking out a large Cheeto out from the bag and put it in her mouth.

“I’m a lesbian as well!” I was ecstatic because I had a huge crush on her. I proceeded to ask the question I really wanted to know. “Are you… taken?” I blush and take a bite out from a Cheeto as well.

“No, I’m a free girl; I don’t see why I’d have a girlfriend anyways… I’m not exactly… cool.” She is bright red now. It’s my turn to wow her.

“Well, I think you are an amazing girl, even though we just met… you know… I mean… I actually… well… uhm… will you go out with me?” I stuttered through my last words and now I’m scratching my hand because I’m extremely embarrassed.

“I was going to ask you the same thing but I was too scared to. You seemed like you’d have a girlfriend, you know?”

That's when my phone went off; it played Baby Blue Eyes by A Rocket to the Moon.

“Oh. My. GOD! I LOVE this song!” She freaked out like I would usually do when I got excited.

“You didn’t answer my question yet though really…” I started to say when she all of a sudden kissed me

The flashback ended immediately after the kiss. I remained still while I stared out into space, unaware of what I was really staring into. I snap back to reality after a short while and look at the clock and grab my keys. Lyon and I need to go grocery shopping.

I pick Lyon up at daycare and he’s very happy to see me, he gives me a big slobbery kiss and tries to say “I love you” but ends up saying “Badda doo bee.” I put him in his car seat. He knows the drill; hands up, hands down, across, and around. I give him the grocery list and he stares at it like he’s decoding the words in his head. He makes me forget about everything bad that has happened.

We shop around and find all the stuff we like. Lyon is a year old, yet he knows where the things we need are on the list. Not even my cousin could figure that out until she was 8 years old. I have a smart baby brother. I kiss him on the head and he looks at me like, ‘that was embarrassing.’ We finish grocery shopping and by this time Lyon has already felt the need to fall asleep, so I carry him and the small amount of groceries that we have out to my car.  The small city we live in knows me and my situation, at least most of the nosey neighbors do. That’s okay with me; at least they don’t call me a dirty teenager.

Mrs. Grangor is my neighbor and she’s like a second mom to me or a mom in general because my mom isn’t a mom at all. She’s known me since I was born and had taken care of me when my mom decided to go drink. She also gives me money every week, or even by the day, to pay for the things I need. I’m not an abuser of money so I use it responsibly. Every week I get 200 dollars. I use 100 on groceries and the other hundred to save.

Since it’s hard for a teen to get a job, Mrs. Grangor has always been considerate of me because I am a “respectful young lady.” She also knows that I’m a lesbian and she takes great pride into telling me that “no matter what they say, you are beautiful.” She knows that I’m not a believer in God, or myself, so she makes sure that I have a positive attitude at least when she’s around. Mrs. Grangor works most of the time but the time she has off she comes over and helps me with Lyon and that means a lot to me.

Lyon and I get home by 8:30 and I unpack and put away the groceries and put him to bed. I go to bed as well because school starts at 8 and I’ve had a very rough day. Right when I fall asleep, the flashback from earlier started again, but this time it continued after the kiss.

“Does that answer your question?” She blushes and takes me by the hand.

I’m stunned and shocked; nobody has ever done that for me before. That is, to answer with a definite yes with a kiss. I blush bright scarlet red and smile “Yes! That definitely does.”

“Good.” She smiles and I entwine my hand in hers and we cuddle up and fall asleep in the waiting room.

A few hours into the dream, we both wake up looking up at each other smiling. I realize that it really happened. We are in a relationship, the thoughts come roaring through my head. The millions of thoughts that constantly runs through, never wearing out. It’s scary, the thoughts. Then the thoughts stop at her. Summer Anne Rodrigez. Her mom delivered my baby brother Lyon. Her mom works as an NICU and Obstetrician. The facts run through my head. Everything I know about her everything I didn’t know about her before now. The truth wakes me up; everything that I have known wakes me up.

The sweat drips from my forehead down my cheek to my lips. I can feel everything. My senses are tripled. I grab onto the sheets that are tucked between my hips and throw them off. Sliding my body off the bed I feel the sheets crinkle moving with my movements. My eyes sting, I realize I had woken up crying. I place both my aching feet on the carpet. I feel the soft, warm carpet hug my toes and sole as I begin to lift my body up. I never get up too quickly or my head will become light headed and I black out while still conscious. Quickly realizing what time it was, I put on clean clothes and brush my teeth. I can take a shower when I get home. This is my last day at public school. I rush over to Lyons room; he’s already up waiting for me in his crib.

Lyon kisses my cheek and smiles at me. I get a few bottles ready and get him set up in the car seat. It’s only 7:30 in the morning but I decide that today I’ll take Lyon with me to school; the school can’t say anything about it because they all know my mom.

I get in my car and I rev the engine. Lyon is already in his car seat buckled in like he likes and I buckle myself in quickly. I start talking to myself forgetting Lyon is in the car for a few minutes while driving to school.

“Why am I so stupid?” I yell at myself. I look at my phone and I have over 100 missed calls from Summer. She’s obviously worried but I can’t talk to her now. I couldn’t. The pain overwhelmed me but I quickly forgot the pain as soon as Lyon made a cute noise saying, “Mommy I l’ove you.” The smile on my face quickly appeared. I turn around for a brief moment and say “And I love you.” Sometimes I forget he’s only a year old. I look back at my phone and realize it’s 7:45 and I better get to school before I’m late because the first bell rings at the most awkward of times; 7:49am. I accelerate just enough to turn the corner the right way. Perfect I’m on time for once. The smile on my face subsides because that’s when I see Summer and her friends. I jump out of the car and get Lyon out who is already half asleep and cradle him and my books in my arm. I kiss his head and proceed into the building.

The first bell rings exactly at 7:49am as usual. In my side view I see Summer chasing after me. The tears my eyes were producing were trying to go away for a little while but that seized to happen. Summer grabbed my arm carefully twirling me around. I laid Lyon upright on my shoulder as he slept.  I turned to look at Summer with glazy, red, wet eyes. She spoke in a chalky voice.

“You know I still love you?” her eyes grew weak and glassy. I could tell she was about to beg for me back. I shook my head.

“I know you do. And Lyon misses his second mommy.” I turned around heading for my locker. She pulled me back and lifted her heels up and kissed me.

“I don’t want to lose you. I’m scared. I was scared that is. I realize that I shouldn’t have… Blown up on you like that. Ever, you are the one I want to be with forever.” Her voice got stronger as she spoke the truth.

“I can’t hurt you. I refuse to hurt you. I’m sorry but, no.” The tears were forming again. I got out as quickly as possible.

Chapter 2

First Period started as the second bell rang twice. 8:01. Lyon is awake now and Mr. Laketon walks in the class.

“Oh. Evermore, you brought your brother. Is everything alright?” He asks directly to me walking to get a baby carrier for me in case I need it. I reply back simply.

“Yeah. I’m fine; mom’s not home and I don’t have any money to send him to the Day Care.” The pain began again when Summer walked through the door to sit next to me. Why did we pick to sit next to each other? I remember when we’d pass notes all through study hall. Why can’t she just pick a different place to sit?

The Claire sisters walk in right after Summer smirking at me with their plastic faces and Barbie boobs.  They look at me with their sinister smile and march in their three-row-line to the back of the class. Gossiping.

Lyon squirms in my arm wanting to go by Summer. I look at her and she smiles plainly only for Lyon to see. She doesn’t want to let him know that she isn’t going to be around anymore. Lyon sits in her lap and sucks on his binky. Mr. Laketon begins the class like usual and hands out a worksheet. “Take one pass it down.” The whispers echo row by row. Then the row comes by me and I tell Summer the same echo that’s been going around as if we don’t know what to do. She takes one and passes it to the next person.

Mr. Laketon then begins to read out of a book, I take notes, watching Lyon fall asleep for the last time in Summer’s arms. She writes on a piece of paper. I don’t know what she’s writing, but I sure as hell know that it isn’t for school because of the way she’s writing. When it’s a note, she curves her two pointer fingers in on the pencil, when it’s for school she has them on top of her thumb.

She passes the note to me carefully so the teacher doesn’t see that we’re passing notes to each other again. Lyon has fallen asleep in her arms so I let him stay there. I open the note and read:

         “Evermore, you are the love of my life. I still want to be here for you, I want to be yours. Lyon needs me just as much as you do and… I don’t know but, I trust you. I love you.”

I read the note over again. I ponder in my head about how I should respond to this. I know my heart says I need her, but I’m scared. I forfeit my head to my heart. I write back:

         “I love you too Summer. I need you and Lyon needs you. But I’m a dumbass and I don’t want to lose you again like I did yesterday. I want to be in your life and you in mine. Do you think you could forgive me? I mean, really forgive me?”

I pass the note back to her. She reads it and smiles. I guess this means we’re back to normal, but I can’t let this shady feeling go that this hasn’t ended just yet. It’s like it’s still a grudge she holds over my head but she won’t ever say it. She passes a note back to me telling me that we’ll need to talk after class. I nod at her and she kisses Lyon on the head.

Out of nowhere a girl walks in class. I’ve never seen her in the school before. She looks like an exchange student but I’m not sure. I try and pay attention to class. Mr. Laketon stops class and introduces the new student.

“Everybody, this is Blayke Rodreigios, she’s an exchange student from Branston High in Vermont.” The teacher looks around the room and surveys the class. He speaks delicately, “I hope that all of you will give Miss Rodreigios the respect we all deserve here at South Shaw High.”

Everybody looks at her with cautious eyes. All the boys are practically drooling over this girl already. I sit in my chair, still as a statue, and look at her. I look into her eyes. I immediately feel flushed and red in the face. She’s extremely hot. She wears black neon lipstick, leather biker’s jacket, and she has a metal wrist band on each of her hands. Wow. This girl is my dream girl.

I sigh. The sigh becomes a long exasperated breath. Mr. Laketon has her sit in the only available seat that happens to be right next to me. My face hardens with a stone cold red. My body freezes. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!!!” I think in my head. She sits down and smiles at me. Her smile is sweet but cold. She doesn’t really want to be here. She hates school just as much as I do.

Blayke looks at Summer then back at me. I tell her the baby is my brother. She nods and writes down what Mr. Laketon writes on the board. She seems really smart. She can pay attention to a lot of things. I wonder what she’s thinking…

“You know, you’re thinking out loud.” She says to me. I gasp. Was I really thinking out loud? No words came out of my mouth, so how…

“I have to go.” Blayke raises her hand and is excused. My face flushes a bright red. I don’t know what just happened. It’s unexplainable.

Class was finally over and I take Lyon back thanking Summer for helping me change his diaper in the bathroom. I couldn’t stop thinking about Blayke. The image of her was constantly running through my mind. How did she know what I was thinking? I KNOW I wasn’t talking out loud... or was I? The question over lapsed every thought I had that day. Lyon knew something was up but was too tired by the end of the day to care.

I go to bed thinking about Blayke. I dreamt about her and me together. We were at school. The school was empty though. She came up to my locker and slammed it shut. She asks me why I’m at school so early. I wasn’t sure myself. I just was. She gives me an evil glare and walks away.

“Wait… Blayke… I have a question.” I pull her arm back before she could leave.

She stares at me. It was more like a glare. “What do you want?” She struggles for her arm back.

I release it. “How… How did you know what I was thinking?” I look up at her with innocent struck eyes. She refused to answer.

“I do not know what you are talking about Hun.” Her sarcastic tone was enough for me to understand that she will not tell me.

Right after that I wake up. I shoot up sweaty from the dream. I crawl out of bed and continue the same routine as always. Lyon is up and happy as usual. We’re off to school. I look at the clock after we’re already in the car. “7:29.” Oh wow. I’m up early. I get to school and go to the office. I forgot to tell them I was leaving, but now… I didn’t want to. The secretary told me to clean out my locker and tell her if I’m leaving or not by the end of the day. I said that, that was fair and headed out of the office.

I get to my locker and put my books in and drop Lyon off at the school’s daycare. There was a test today; I couldn’t be distracted with Lyon. I head back to my locker to grab my first period books. All of a sudden Blayke appears just like in my dream.

“What are you doing here so early?” Instead of the cold shoulder, her question was heartwarming and sweet.

I’m puzzled. “I got up earlier than I thought and I just came here instead of sleeping in 10 extra minutes.” I gave her a fake smile and closed my locker. I couldn’t shake this feeling that there was something different about her.

She smiles softly at me. “Could I walk you… I mean, walk with you to first period?” She says, correcting whatever she was going to say before that.

“Uhm. Sure, why not?” I fake a smile again and we walk to class.

Chapter 3

As soon as we get to class summer is there. Its 7:59 right before the bell is about to ring. Why is she early? Nothing is making sense today. I contemplate sitting in the normal seat I always sit in since I walked in with Blayke. I shut my eyes and take a deep breath in and sit where I always sit. Why not? I mean, Summer doesn’t suspect anything because there’s nothing to suspect. Even if there was, we’re not together… I need to fix things. I think in my head. I take out my notebook and start to scribble random things. I do this when I’m frustrated about something. I just wish that Summer comforts me or something. I need her back so fucking bad. I lay my head in my hand.

“Good morning class!” Mr. Laketon walks in, cheerier than usual.

All the groggy students respond “Good morning Mr. Laketon.”

Summer whispers in my ear “Hey baby.” I look at her smiling but at the same time I’m confused. We’re not together, I think in my head. Why would she call me baby? I yawn and she seems upset now. Her face goes from sweet and plush to red and furious.

I ponder in deep thought while Mr. Laketon reads a chapter of “Midnight Travel.” He asks questions and people answer honestly. They’re so dumb, I think in my head. Blayke whispers in my ear “They don’t even read the book. That’s why they don’t know the answers. Look at them, they have better things to do than read.” I didn’t over think about Blayke hearing my thoughts. I kind of liked it… Maybe.

The bell rings to be dismissed from first period and I walk out of class with Blayke. I try not to question myself about Blayke. We walk halfway to our lockers and my best friend Luka comes running up to me speaking in Spanish.

“Hey Evermore que está sexy la diva?” Luka said to me in the gayest voice she could find.

“Luka please speak English.” I say to her, she knows how I hate being all secretive.

“Fine. But seriously. Who is this?” She pats her eyelashes like she really cares, her fake smile tells all.

“I’m Blayke.” Blayke looks Luka up and down. “I suppose you and Ever are good friends? By the way, I’m not a diva.” Blayke shoots an evil look at Luka.

“Oh. Well, yeah… I am her best friend.” Luka is stunned with how rude Blayke was to her. So was I. “Well, Ever I have to go. Class starts soon. Good talking to you.” Luka runs to her next class, overly excited to get there early.

“What was that all about?” I asked Blayke as we scurried to our next class.

“What was what?” she looks at me sternly as we head inside class.

“You know what! What you said to Lu-” The teacher stops us from talking and we sit next to each other. I’m still heated with what happened with Luka.

“Calm the eff down Ever.” She blatantly says and pays attention in class.

Ugh! This outrages me. Why is she so… so STUBBORN. I scream in my head.

“I’m not stubborn; I’ve just got an attitude.” She snickers. Dammit, I need to control my thoughts.

Class ends in sync with the bell. Perfect it’s lunch time! Blayke sees my expression and laughs. “You want tuna and fake pizza?” She sounds as if pizza doesn’t sound good. I don’t eat at school though.

“Naw, I leave the building and go to Starbucks and then to Cousins.” I chuckle a little. We pack our things and she decides to tag along. Fuck I was going to ask Luka to come. I think in my head, quick enough so Blayke doesn’t catch on.

“I like Starbucks. Cousins is disgusting though!” She chuckles a bit then sighs.