Fighting inner battles... |
"Screwing Up" Sometimes I wonder what happens to the guy I know-- The guy I've lived with for twenty-two years. You know, we've become pretty good friends over the years, yet somehow, there are times I wouldn't recognize him if we walked into each other on the street. We've had so much fun together, learned together, lived together, even died together, but didn't change together. One day he stayed up all night and missed the bus that carried me into forgiveness. A few weeks later, I read in the paper that he'd been hit by a car crossing a downtown street at the red light in the middle of the night. You can imagine my surprise when he knocked on my door last week--he'd come to tell me it's not all that bad. And as much as I knew it was a bad idea, I invited him in for tea. That night, I picked myself up off the floor again and heard him laugh as the door closed behind me. And 15:33 never meant as much to me as it did right then-- even if it's you you're trying to avoid. So I'm left to wonder how I can ever make a difference to anyone, when I don't make a difference to myself. It only confirms that I'll never make it on my own. The only thing I can look forward to of my own accord is wishing--and screwing up. |