Am I Happy?

6/16/11



“…a question popped into my head – “Are you happy?”



I know that I’ve asked myself that question, John, too many times to count. Upon reflection I think it’s the wrong question. The word “happy” suggests a euphoric state, a state in which I don’t believe humans could live in for too long a time. We’d burn to a cinder, too quickly.



Part of the problem with “Happy” is that the merchandising worlds, including self-help pundits, have cheapened the word. They preach that Happy is the norm. They insist that you can’t be happy unless you have this car, this social group, this salary or follow this guru. Forty seconds after you’ve bought that car, joined that social group, make that salary and commit to that guru, you discover you’re no happier than before and you think it’s your fault or your destiny.



The better question is, for me, anyway, am I content. Content is a word suggesting basic balance, neither too high nor too low; being as emotionally even-keeled as a ship in calm waters.



There are, of course, always going to be moments of frustration. That is a given. (Wo)Man hasn’t escaped that since the legendary Garden of Eden. Frustration is like a seed pushing sprouts through the earth in search of the Sun. Frustration is that thing that makes for growth, emotionally and spiritually, and yes, even materially.



However, we can overload on frustration. The trick is to find the proper equilibrium between frustration and contentment. How to do that is the question.

Part of the answer, I think, is dismissing the world’s definitions of happy. Find that thing which gives you the most frustration and the thing that gives you the most contentment and work to decrease the first and increase the second. However, work on one major frustration at a time. Don’t try to have it all fixed by tomorrow.



The biggest rule, if there is a rule, is don’t bullshit ourselves, don’t make self-defeating excuses. Work at it whole-heartedly or don’t work at it until ready to make the changes required.



Also understand that we can make changes within what is causing frustration. Maybe it’s not the job, or the person, or the lack that is the root of frustration with the whole. Maybe it’s just one or two elements, that changed, would bring contentment with the whole. What, within a personal situation, could I change and how, and what could I not and then make decisions based on this. Also remember, going through the process of reliving frustrations, to reward the inner self with more instances of those things that bring a sense of contentment.

The remarkable thing about consciously creating the process of change and consciously working it, is contentment begins to grow within.



And now I need to practice what I preach.