Contemplative me

Curse these contemplative moods of mine
Drawing me back to your side
Making me think of saving you from your foe
Yourself.
Curse these contemplative sides of me
That I didn't know existed
Until you drew your weapon
And carved flesh from bone
With your very words.
Curse these contemplative thoughts of mine
That return to you, right on cue
To remind me of words you spoke
And the girl you led to someone else
Within the confines of herself
Curse these contemplative words of mine
That make me ponder you and us and finally her
Wondering what fits together in my quest for knowledge
Is there something I'm missing?
Something I didn't see?
Curse these contemplative thoughts of mine
Curse these sides of me, that shouldn't be
I'm too young to feel this old
This used and worn and tattered
I'm too young with too much life to live
To feel so inadequate and small to myself
I'm too young to feel this damn gone.
Curse these damned contemplative moods
Damn these moods to the hell
That I'm sure is only in my head
The hell where our memories are waiting
For the smallest chance to crush my walls
And break me.
Curse this person you brought to life
Through your gun and sheath and sword
Curse this woman who stands before you
Changed. Jaded. Fed up.
Wishing for understanding
Yet slamming doors; burning bridges
Of the only ones who know
Screw knowledge.
I'd rather watch it burn.
I'd rather watch the flames engulf
The memories of the place that I once knew
Curse this contemplative me
Thinking about you.