My Cousin's Secret

Christmas Eve

         As I look into my mirror I can't even recognize myself. My face is as white as the vampires in the Twilight movies. The fresh black eye makes my royal green eyes look darker. I can see strains of dark red hair sticking to my face. I never liked my hair, it was the one thing that would always remind me of my dad. I wanted to dyed it but my mother would never let me. I'm afraid to put down my sweatshirt. I think the bruise is still there. I have to see, I only have to pull down halfway to see the black and purple colors of the fresh bruise. I can't help but think it's my mother's fault. She let that thing into your house. We were doing just fine on our own. Or so I thought. I put some makeup on but just enough  to cover the black eye.             

         I can hear everyone downstairs. Mike just made a joke about how all the dumb asses are going to be out tonight. I can hear everyone laughing. They don't even realize that I am not there. Even with me blasting Madonna so loud it could be shaking my walls. I liked it that way. I could just lose myself in the music and not think about how I am invisible to the world. But I can't help but think if the music will muffle the gun shoot.

         I don't have to wait long, I have done everything I needed to do. Telling everyone I loved them, and they couldn't stop me even if they tried. I imagine what would happen when someone found me. The police would come, they'd spend about a half an hour at most looking at my body and the scene in font of them. They'll rule it as a suicide. Everyone will be crying for a little while, probably find my gifts under the tree,and take them back to the store on Monday. Then they would just go on with their Christmas plans and lives like I never even existed. Forgetting all about Rose and that she killed herself in her own room, with her dad's old gun, on Christmas eve.

         They'll have a funeral, everyone will say that they miss me, and talk about all the good times we had. The truth is I never had any good times with anyone. Anyone except Nicole. Poor Nikki, she'll be the only one I will miss. We did everything together, we even called each other sisters when we were little. Mom would always tell us that we were cousins,but we didn't care. To us we were sisters. When My dad died, Nicole was the one that stayed with me for three weeks. We cried and laughed. When we would get really down she would always have us go to the soup kitchen and serve the homeless. She would always be saying that no matter what was going on, some had it worse. I can see her now, at the funeral crying her eyes out, maybe going to the soup kitchen with her boyfriend  Jacob afterward to try to feel better. She is the one person I wish I could have told the truth to.

         I can still hear them laughing , having a good time singing Christmas carols off key, and eating my moms Christmas cookies. I wish I could go down there. Just be happy, but I can't even try to look at him.  Even with the music so loud I can hear footsteps on the stairs. Someone's coming, hopefully just to use the bathroom. I crack open my door, it's Nicole. She looks like she's looking for something. She get's that look in her eye that you can tell she remembered were the thing was. As she goes into my mom's room, I close the door.

         Right now Madonna's like a prayer is playing. It's my favorite song, I guess if your going to leave this world, what better way to do it then with your favorite song being the last thing you hear. I uncap the gun and put it to my head. My heart is pounding. I can hear it in my ears. The gun is cold in my hands. I can hear the dead calling me now.

         “Just do it. No one is going to care if you go. Do it. Do it now.” They speak the words so clear and with no hesitation. I can feel them standing around me,waiting for me to pull the trigger and clam me as one of them. I go to say my final words that no one will ever hear. My door handle jungles. Nicole walk in and is about to scream, I can see it on her face. I have to look at her.

She  her eyes are wide with tears starting to come down her face. It makes her hazel eyes look light brown. If I looked at her vary close I could see the dead all around her wanting her to leave. This wasn't suppose to be like this. No one was suppose to see me do this- especially her.  I try not to cry when I say the last words she will ever hear me say. The last words anyone will hear me say.

         “Sorry Nikki, just know that this is his fault. I love you. Goodbye.” She starts to come towards me. Before she can get her hand on the gun I close me eyes and pull the trigger. The dead was around me in a heartbeat. Forgetting all about Nikki, and claiming as one of the dead. The last thing I hear is Nikki screaming and Madonna singing “heaven help me.” Before I leave with the dead I see Nikki leaning over my body screaming and tears falling like a waterfall. Then My mom comes in,ans soon everyone comes in. I watch my family fade away,and I come to a big gate with st. John looking at me.