Stocks

It was hard to believe him when he whispered I love you into my ear. I was certain that the urge to pursue me and the alcohol in his bloodstream led to this outburst. Through the short gentle kisses he placed on my neck I managed to question his lust?

“How do I know you love me?” His response compelled me to take off of my shirt my pants soon to follow.

“Because I haven’t left you yet.”

Being left behind is a natural course in everyone’s life but I’m one of the only people who can’t handle it. In my mind giving him my body was the reward for all the wasted time he’d spent on me. I knew staying pure wouldn’t change his thoughts but I needed the reassurance. So I let him take control as I slipped off into a distant haze. His moans of satisfaction only causing me pain. I had the power to stop him but it was too worthless to try, I simply prayed that he’d be by my side the next morning.

And he was a man to his word. Sure enough sitting at the edge of the bed Jason cried. It was the first I’d ever seen and I wanted to catch each tear before it stained the carpet. I struggled to get up my body so weak from the things he had done. I could barely feel pain but with all the blood that surrounded me I should have. I rested one hand on his shoulder and watched him break confusion never hitting me so hard. The sensation that I normally get when I touched his skin was replaced with gentle fear. I knew I was useless to his depression. That’s when he told me everything. About his family and why I’ve never been to his house, about his attempts to commit suicide and the reason why I couldn’t contact him on his birthday and now about the drugs he had slipped into my drink that lead me to a bed now patterned in deep red.
I wish I could have been angry. I wish I would have told someone. Those were things that normal people would have done, but in my mind I couldn’t stop thinking about that door closed. Keeping in the secrets and creating more. Despite the deceit he stayed the only thing leaving was my wasted virginity. I felt tranquil and urged him to stop his weeping. There was no need to feel guilty because all I felt was relief. Seeing him as the glorious sun hit his face and morphed our shadows into one made it all better. Of course I could never forgive him but his loyalty seemed kind. I watched a smile form across his face noticing how white his teeth were and how lovely it was to see him happy again. I tried to return it but couldn’t. I suppose the elation I felt would never reach the surface. I was caught between feelings. He had done something so cynical and vile but managed to let his care and love shine brighter than the morning’s sun. I told him time and time again that I wanted to lose “it” to someone special. And in his eyes special was just a clever way of saying you’re no good in bed.
“Babe I’m sure you’re fine don’t stress” With a smug grin he placed both hands on my waist showing intimacy in public shamelessly. I on the other hand pushed him aside and walked over to the car. He was quite the gentleman always opening the passenger’s door and waiting for me to take a seat. His courtship had become routine, but Jason got easily distracted. I assumed his need for sex was the reason he hopped into the driver’s seat forcing me to open it alone. I was so spoiled that I had forgotten what the handle had felt like. I listened as his engine muffled and grew tired of it distracting my thoughts. My voice was stressed and aggravated.
“I told you there’s no way”
“I’ll find a way” He whispered and we stopped speaking the sound of the engine taking our voices.The word rape was vulgar. It was a crime resulting with innocent girls left bruised and beaten. Never was it used in my situation. In fact it was never named. Never even spoken. He warned me long ago and that was enough. Once again I had reason to forgive him, but he had more not to.
We met by pure chance. When I would get upset I would take a walk through the woods in my backyard. It led to a beautiful pond one only saw in a painted picture. It reminded me of the pictures my brother used to draw before he died. Coming there was like gazing at his masterpiece he wanted it to take you away to a whole new place and to me I was already there. It was quiet, peaceful, and most importantly lonely. Seeing Jason there was actually startling.
“You never saw someone skip rocks before?” he called heaving another one into the water with force. I didn’t respond. He bent down reached for a stone and hesitated. “Oh so it’s my devilish looks” He smirked.

The boy had dark almost black hair that shined brown against the light and olive colored skin as if he had been in the sun for quite a while. His clothes were slightly tattered and what may have been a white shirt was a distinct ivory tone. It was obvious that he wasn’t wealthy, but as I thought back to all the trouble money brought, being destitute was much more appealing. He carried on tossing rocks across the water and I watched as his emerald green eyes gazed at his throw.
It was disturbing how he vandalized my brother’s work. I wanted to yell or at least speak but I was taken back at how easy it was to destroy nature’s magnificence. I acted on impulse as I watched the tiny stone I threw clock him on the back of the head. And if I’d known the type of furry he had I would have never tried to hurt him. He wore big scuffed boots that picked up speed as he ran towards me. Stopping face to face a gust of musty cigarettes and cheap cologne filled my lungs.
“What the hell is wrong you?” He spoke furiously.
“My brother died, he loved this place and you’re ruining it” I replied instinctively
“I don’t care” He forced through gritted teeth and hearing those words were relieving. I had always heard the sorrows and mourn when people found out about my loss, but this boy had honesty. Why should he? Like everything else I had done since I met him I said the first thing that came to mind.
“Thank you” He initiated a small kiss on my forehead that till this day I couldn’t explain.
It was like a spell of comfort washed over me and I never visited the pond again. I didn’t have to now that he was there with me. It’s tragic how badly I wish I could sit by that pond once more only this time I wish my stone had killed him.