A Risky Proposal

    Walking into the street, I can feel the package I bought burning a hole through the inner pocket of my leather jacket.  I've never been as nervous as I am now, praying nothing goes wrong.  This is a whole new level for me.  Before now I have kept my involvement limited – never investing more than I was willing to lose.  But now as I walk down the street -  a thousand dollars poorer and uncertain if the deal I am trying to broker is going to happen – I am certain that I'm in way over my head.  My hand subconsciously reaches towards my pocket to ensure that I haven't dropped what could very well open the door to the rest of my future; however, I force my hand back towards my side.

    I need to calm down.

    No one knows what I'm doing, and until this deal goes through I intend to keep it that way.  Therefore I do my best to calm down and act natural – I'm almost at the meeting spot and it will look suspicious if I show up looking on edge.  As I take the last steps to the door of the predetermined spot, I manage to reel in my emotions and mask my anxiety with what I hope appears to be a carefree smile.

    Here we go.

    I enter the door labeled 3b and take in my surroundings.  The apartment is immaculately clean and well lit.  Though sparsely decorated, it is clearly organized in a manner that is supposed to be warm and welcoming.  However, this does little to put me at ease, since I can still feel the package I brought here pressing against my ribs through the thin leather.  'God I hope tonight goes well,' I think to myself, wincing as worst-case scenarios begin flowing through my mind, each one more horrific than the last.

    “Is everything OK?”  I turn from my inner musing as I hear this, glancing at the woman that has brought me to this uncertain point in my life.  Here name is Kelly, and if it wasn't for her then I would never be here.  I met her about three years ago at a friends house and she has opened my eyes to countless new experiences.  She helped me make the transition from a quiet and boring office worker to a new and exciting man that is willing to try anything and risk everything.

    “Of course,” I lie easily, giving her a smile in the process, “How could I not be, now that I'm here?”

    She smiles at that and leads me towards the kitchen, where she pours each of us a drink.  I down mine quickly, before making myself another one.  Staring into the amber liquid, I almost manage to forget about what I came here to do, losing myself in the whiskey's golden hue as it catches the light from the open fridge.

    “So what brings you here tonight?”  She asks me with a nonchalant curiosity, “I wasn't expecting to see you until tomorrow.”
    “Well I just couldn't wait,”  I tell her honestly, “There's something I need to ask you.”
    “Really, what's that?”  She asks, leaning over the kitchen table, her interest being heightened by my unusually cryptic nature.

    I freeze.

    My mind goes completely blank as I realized how, despite all the time I have thought over this decision, I am still completely unprepared to say what I came here to tell her.  So I do my best to stall.  In my smuggest tone of voice I tell her, “Patience, Kelly, patience.  I don't want to ruin the surprise.”

    A pout immediately comes to her lips, as she realizes that she won't be receiving a straightforward answer, but she brightens quickly and then begins laughing softly to herself.  Not used to seeing such a reaction during our playful encounter, I can't help but be confused.

    “What's so funny?”  I ask her lightly, smiling to show that I want to be let in on whatever must be so funny to invade her thoughts during our little conversational chess game.

    “Oh, it's nothing,”  She informs me, while valiantly attempting to tamp down her laughter, “Just a random thought that popped into my head.”

    “Come on tell me, it must have been something good,” I beg, giving her a smile – a genuine smile this time.

    “Well ... it's just that the way you've been acting tonight, I thought you were going to propose to me,”  She laughs charmingly, “Wouldn't that just be crazy?!”

    I feel my heart stop and my now stagnant blood begin to pool within my body from lack of circulation.  How could I have been so stupid?  Of course she doesn't want to marry me... or anyone else for that matter.  She is a wild spirit – the same adventurous soul that dragged me out of my dull existence and taught me how to live.  How could I think that anyone that loves the excitement of the unknown and the adventures of new experiences as much as she does would even consider the idea of settling down with one person for the rest of her life.

    “Keep dreaming, Beautiful,” I reply flippantly – laughing, from her perspective, at the absurdity of such an idea.  But in reality, I was laughing at myself for being so naive and idealistic that I believed that Kelly might give up her entire attitude towards life and marry me.

    The conversation soon ended, as Kelly walked past the table to place a soft kiss on my lips.  Deepening the kiss, I pull her towards me, embracing her.  Her close proximity pushes the small package into my chest, right against my broken heart.