The little girl and the magician

Once upon time there was a girl with blonde blonde hair and blue blue eyes. She lived in a small village and everyone in her village loved her, because the little girl was full of joy, her smile was pure innocence and when she smiled her eyes were shining comets, and when she smile she made everyone else smile, when she was happy everyone in the village was happy. But the thing is, well the little girl was really lonely, and she couldn't smile anymore and everyone in her village grew sad. And once there was a magician that came to the village, he came to the little girl and told a story about a far far away place where everything is silent and within the air you could feel the peace and the magician promised that when she's gonna be ready he's gonna take her to that far far away place, where's gonna be no people around, just the little girl and the magician, and they gonna run and laugh and be together, the little girl smiled and she could smile again. and the magician started to come every single day and told the little girl one and the same story, and when he used to leave she used to go to the window seat and watch him walk away and she used to stay there and watch the road, just to see when he gets back, but the magician started coming more rarely, till the point he didn't come at all. people in the village thought he was gone, they thought he had disappeared, but the little girl remembered his promise, and she was still there at the same window seat waiting for her magician to come and take her to the marvelous far away place, but years went on and although the little girl was at the same window seat, the magician's words became vain and insignificant, the little girl was full rage and pain, but she wanted the magician back so badly, so she started to make stupid things.. a lot of stupid things, things that harmed her and harmed every people in the village, the village watched the once innocent girl in which they have put hope, they watched her and they felt grief. now her face couldn't dispose a smile, and the once crystalline eyes were full of mischief.. people in the village didn't know what to do.. the couldn't smile because of the little girl, but the little girl never stopped, she started to do even more stupid and reckless things, she wanted the magician to know, she wanted the magician to see, she knew it was all wrong, but she came to the point when she couldn't stop herself, she couldn't control herself anymore. once she woke up in a black cage, surrounded with black flames, the cage was made of her own fears and insecurities, of lust and temptation that had once seduced her, of fears and rage and pain, and sufferings she had ever felt and sufferings she had ever caused to everyone, the cage was made of agony and tears and the little girl was lying on the cage's floor she was catatonic and she was rambling. she looked insane, but she couldn't feel anything. anything at all. all the bright emotions of hers were long ago gone, and all her dark feelings were engraved in the cage's walls. all she had ever wanted was the magician to come back, she wanted to be with him, because she believed that only he could make her smile. she was longing for the times when she could feel. and one day as she was still in the cage still lying on the floor opening and closing her eyes, blinking, she heard strange voices that came from the cage's walls, they were incarnations of those dark feelings the cage was made of, they tried to tempt the little girl and told her to get up and swirl and swirl around, and she did, she listened to the voices, and everything was finally fine, the little girl could feel again, but these weren't feelings, the way they were before, these emotions were something else, she was swirling she was feeling dizzy, and high, she was getting wasted and she felt again, but these voices were bad and for everytime she felt high she wanted to puke, puke her guts out, she already didn't understand; and the cage's walls became even thicker and stronger and there were dark clouds upon the village, people feared, but there was another girl in the village, that came to visit the little girl in the cage, she used to stay out there, near the cage, and watch the little girl swirl, and once the little girl in the cage managed to stop, she realized that someone was staring at her, and the voices in the cage weren't that strong, the little girl turned around and outside the cage she saw another girl she looked her in the eye, there had been so much time since she had seen another human, and she understood that it wasn't for the first time that that girl came to see her, they both never said a word, but for no particular reason the little girl in the cage smiled, and she felt it, a real emotion, geniune peace and bliss, happiness, and one wall of the cage destroyed and there was a chance for the little girl to get out, but she didn't know if she wanted to get out, she didn't know, to whom to go, and where she was getting out to, she felt scared and there were again the voices in the cage, they already felt too familiar, they were all she knew, so she decided to stay with the voices in the cage, but the another girl went to the village and told the people the story of the scared girl that had done all those mistakes and was too scared to fix them, and the people in the village gave up hope, they abandoned the village, and the little girl was left all alone..she knew that the another girl betrayed her and told the whole village everything and because of that the cage's walls grew even stronger, she was left all alone.. only with the voices and she was swirling and puking and swirling and puking, she was ready to give everything at least for a moment of that highness that distantly reminded her of the times when she could feel and smile with the magician. But she was so tired, even the highness wasn't helping anymore, she couldn't feel she didn't know who she was, she didn't know how she got there she didn't understand anything, and she got up, she tried to ignore the voices although it was really difficult and she screamed she screamed and cried with hot tears falling on her cheeks, she screamed with rage and agony and for longing and for her guilt and for the unfulfilled and lost dreams she screamed for the magician that never fulfilled his promise she screamed and suddenly the cage started to disappear the voices became dim but she was transforming herself into a spirit, she herself started to turn into a dark matter only her face remained, and there he was, the magician, he was there all the time, but because of the voices she couldn't see him, there was grief in his eyes, he said he had come for her, to take her to the far far away place, but it was too late, the little girl was unclean she destroyed herself and everyone she loved, the magician was full of grief and disappointment and the little girl started to cry even harder, she realized it wasn't the magician, she realized it weren't the voices or the another girl that betrayed her, it was she, the little girl, it was all her fault. Never rely to much on promises, never try to make the pain go away, never try to cut all the bridges, because once you do it, there's no way back, for everything you do, it's all your responsibility. she just wanted the magician, she just wanted to be with him and smile she just wanted. i'm sorry for your disappointment, i'm sorry you'll never read it. addressed to my beloved, long awaited father.