My Dealer, My Guardian

The snow was coming down hard.  Fat flakes of white turned the midnight sky into a false shade of midday.  They kissed her cheeks as they continued their free fall to the ground below.  She was jealous of them.  The icy flakes fell freely, twisting and turning in flight, seemingly unconcerned with their undetermined path. Happily free falling at will.  She silently envied them as she adjusted her toboggan, pulling it tighter over her ears.

“C’mon guys.....wrap it up.....it’s cold as hell...”  Joscelyn muttered to her two dogs that were caked in snow and totally distracted from their late night potty break.

She shivered in her pajamas as she climbed back up the wooden steps to her patio door.  The dogs begrudgingly following suit realizing their exploration of this wondrous cold powder was coming to an end.  They slowly stumbled up the steps and into the house, Joscelyn closing and locking the door behind them.

“Ok, you two....get back up on the couch and lay down...I’ve got a long day tomorrow and I desperately need sleep....” she ordered the two dogs like unruly children, giving them both a biscuit as she sleepily shuffled across the kitchen and back into the dark living room impatient for the warm comfort of her bed that awaited at the end of hall.

Joscelyn crawled into bed and pulled the covers over her.  Another long day indeed, she thought.  Eight hours of a tedious desk job, cowering to the whims of an ungrateful boss followed by a two hour drive to Atlanta to attend another acting audition which would most likely result in only rejection.  She sighed in anticipated disappointment at the prospect.  She just wanted one shot to live this dream.  Just a chance at the one thing that truly brought her happiness and then she could leave.  Break away from this life that she had regretfully made for herself and start living the one she had secretly desired to live for years.

“Did you remember to turn off the patio light..?”  a voice asked from beneath the other side of the covers, jarring her out of her thoughts.

“No.......damn it...” sighed Joscelyn to her husband, Cameron, as he rolled over and went back to sleep.  She groaned as she got back out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen.  She regretted that she had forgotten to turn off the patio light resulting in this very irritating detour from sleep, however that mistake could be easily fixed, Joscelyn confided to herself as she flipped off the patio light.  But returning to bed with a man she no longer loved was a mistake that couldn’t be fixed.  Feeling defeated,  Joscelyn walked back down the hall and climbed into bed; hoping the covers would provide a refuge from the bad choices she had made.  Thankfully, sleep soon overcame her and she was released from her reality.  All the while, a dark shadow watched from the doorway.

-

Marriage and a secure home to make a life seemed like the ideal dream for everyone Joscelyn knew growing up.  She too, wanted to live the dream of a big princess wedding, prince charming husband, a castle to call home and children.  The perfect “grown-up” idea of life to the mind of a six year old. Of course, as Joscelyn grew, her values changed.  Always independent and curious, she began to wonder what lie beyond the southern small town she had known all her life.  By the time she was driving, she started to crave the unknown experiences of a larger environment with new people.  She also found theater and acting which she adored and could give the access to the larger environment and experiences she yearned for.  College was going to be her ticket out of the small town that had become a prison and small minded people that served as the wardens.

Meeting Cameron was unexpected.  He was a junior.  She, a Senior.  But the two hit it off famously and began dating immediately.  Both young and inexperienced in the ways of the world, they fell in love quickly and soon Joscelyn’s impending college departure seemed more of an unwanted burden than a wonderful release.  She decided to fore-go her dreams of getting out and attend college locally to stay close to Cameron.

Ten years passed, Joscelyn and Cameron built a home together and married.  Joscelyn thought she had everything she could ever hope for, a loving husband and a home to call her own.  The years of staying local had changed her values and what she truly wanted in life, she thought.  She settled into life as a newlywed.

But something soon changed in Joscelyn, she began to want something else.  Something more than just the life of a worker bee in a small town hive.  She wished she had never quit acting and found herself wanting to get back into it.  Community theater beckoned and she answered the call, happily finding her long lost identity on the stage in front of an audience.  She wanted more and got it, finding more of herself in the pursuit of acting as a career.  Joscelyn was changing and it scared Cameron. He was losing his wife. She was no longer satisfied with the settled life of being an attentive small town housewife.  He resented the dream that kept her on the go and away from home.  His once gentle support of her hobby turned into snide remarks and silence toward her career.  Feeling her old empowering sense of independence, Joscelyn started to wonder if getting married was a mistake.  The house and life she and Cameron had created begin to feel foreign and uncomfortable, serving more as a painful and choking anchor than the once coveted dream of a six year old.

Joscelyn carried so much inner guilt for her feelings toward her life and her husband.  She had been blessed with so much.  She had a nice home and a wonderful husband.  She had a good job that helped pay the bills.  She should be grateful and not want for anything else.  But the life she was leading was lie.  Joscelyn was a liar.  She lied pretending to be happy and content while deep inside screaming to be set free from the life she didn’t recognize anymore as her own.  Most of all, she knew Cameron deserved to be happy.  He deserved to have a wife who loved him and enjoyed him.  Not to view him as a burden as Joscelyn did.  Her mind and heart were always heavy.

-

“Great, Ms. Andrews, callbacks will be this Saturday.  We’ll be in touch...” the casting director answered giving Joscelyn’s headshot a final once over.  Joscelyn already knew what that response meant.  She politely smiled and fought back tears as she turned and walked out of the studio to her car for the long drive home.  She climbed into the driver’s seat and beat her head against the headrest.

“What’s wrong with me this time?  Too tall? Too short?  Too old? Too young? Too fat? Too thin? Too pretty?  Not pretty enough?  Too southern?  Not southern enough?  Its always something!” stuttered Joscelyn wiping the tears that started to stream down her face as she stared at herself in the rearview.

“I would sell my soul to be truly successful at this.  I honestly would at this point!  Just for enough success to move out to LA and start a new life...I’m not asking for much...just a small reoccurring role, some commercial work or something...just enough to pay the bills and keep a roof over my head out there!  God damn it!  Is that too much to ask?!”  she sputtered to her steering wheel, the only one who continually stood as a witness to her successes and her defeats.

Joscelyn started the engine and headed back home.  She needed to compose herself. Tomorrow was another day with another audition.  Music from her CD player kept her tears to a minimum.  She was not alone.  The same dark shadow kept faithful watch in her backseat as she drove through the night.

-

Joscelyn sipped from the beer that had just been set before her.  It was cold and quenching.  The perfect compliment to the pile of melted cheese and nachos she had ordered.

“So what time are we leaving for the audition tomorrow, beautiful?”  her friend, Shelly, asked through a mouthful of chips and salsa. 

Joscelyn and Shelly had become close friends.  They found each other as Joscelyn was rediscovering acting in community theater.  Shelly was also an actress looking make it into a lucrative career.  The two confided in each other in both won and lost roles.  The true understanding and support that only comes from someone who walks the same path. They often reviewed their audition game plan over a plate of nachos and beer at a local Mexican restaurant.

“I’ll be at your house at 11 am...”  answered Joscelyn.

“What did Cameron say about you going tomorrow?” Shelly asked.  She knew and sympathized with Joscelyn’s plight to leave and her chronic inability to do so. 

“Oh...you know...same ol’ shit...why can’t you stay at home...blah, blah, blah...”  Joscelyn replied trying to muster a smile.

“He could come with you and see what it’s all about.  It might help him understand.”  Shelly offered.

“No...he still wouldn’t get it.  Frankly, I don’t want him to get it.  I don’t want understanding.  I just want out....” Joscelyn said shaking her head taking another bite of chip and cheese.

“I know you do...but with your finances...you know it’s not an option right now...”  Shelly replied.  She reached across the table and patted Joscelyn’s hand.

Joscelyn sighed. “Yeah, I’m painfully aware...” She took another sip of beer and looked around at the other patrons in the restaurant wondering if they were also silently struggling to break free from their life.  Her eyes bounced from person to person, booth to booth, seat to seat, settling only on the TV screen at the rear of the restaurant.  It hatefully mocked her with a California Tourism Commercial.  Her gaze was broken by a sudden shadow out of the corner of her eye.  She turned her head to the far corner of the restaurant and locked eyes with a man dressed in black standing in the back of the waiting area.  He curiously stared at her as though she was the subject of a lab study.  His hands stuffed in the pockets of his slacks that pushed back the black trench coat he wore even in the warmth of the restaurant. Joscelyn thought it odd that he appeared to be alone in the crowd and he went obviously unnoticed by the hostess and people standing around him.  His stare stayed on her.  Joscelyn smiled cautiously at him and he smiled back.  She swallowed hard.

“Can I get you ladies anything?” a waiter asked startling Joscelyn.  She turned back to her table.

“More salsa please.” Shelly volunteered.

Joscelyn quickly whipped her head back around to the waiting area.  The man in black was gone.

-

After a meal of nachos and strategizing, Shelly and Joscelyn paid their check and walked out of the restaurant as it was closing.  They said their goodbyes as they stood on the empty sidewalk.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at 11 am.  11 am sharp.  Not 11:05, not 11:15, ok?  Shelly playfully chided.  Joscelyn was always a tad late arriving at Shelly’s house despite even her most valiant efforts to be on time.

“No worries.  I’ll be there at 10:59!”  Joscelyn giggled and started digging in her purse for her cell phone.  It was no where to be found.  “Crap...I think I left my cell phone on the table...” she added.

“Do you want me to wait on you?” offered Shelly.

“Nah....my car’s right over there.  I’ll be fine.” Joscelyn reassured her.

“Ok, I’ll see you tomorrow..” Shelly said and walked toward her car, leaving Joscelyn alone on the sidewalk.  She walked back into the restaurant and hurried to their seat to retrieve her phone.  The table was empty.  She checked under it and in the seats. Nothing.  Joscelyn started to panic.  She jogged back up to the lone cashier that was tallying up receipts.

“Please tell me someone turned in a cell phone to you.  I’ve lost mine and my friend and I were sitting at that table over there.....please tell me you have it..”  Joscelyn explained to the cashier.

“No ma’am...no one has turned in a cell phone tonight.”  the cashier replied bluntly, his focus turning back to the cash and receipts in front of him.

“Oh........” Joscelyn sighed heavily. She turned and walked back through the doors, hoping against hope she had dropped it on the sidewalk outside.  Her eyes searched the empty sidewalk finding only discarded newspapers and candy wrappers.  Joscelyn’s stomach sank.

A hand lightly touched her arm.  “Excuse me....“ the voice said.

Joscelyn jumped and turned coming face to face with the man in black.  Her scared expression told the story.

“I didn’t mean to startle you...but I believe this is yours...” the man added.  He held out her cell phone in his hand.

Joscelyn was relieved.  “Oh thank God!  You are a lifesaver!  Where did you find it?”  she said taking the cell phone and giving him a thankful smile.  It gave her a moment to closer investigate this man who was eyeing her earlier and now coming to her rescue. He appeared about her age; tall and very handsome with piercing blue eyes that continued to study her even now. His short dark brown hair was purposely disheveled creating a perfect mess atop his head.  A shy grin painted his face and accented the light stubble on his jaw line. 

“I noticed it laying in your seat after you and your friend had gotten up....” the man said, “I’m glad I was able to find you before you left...”

“Oh, thank you so much.  You have no idea how lost I would have been without it...” Joscelyn replied clutching her cell phone.

“You must be an on call nurse or something relating....” quizzed the man.

“Oh no...nothing that important.  I’m just a struggling actress impatiently awaiting callbacks...”  shrugged Joscelyn.

“Ah, I see.  But that’s important...you could be just one phone call away from stardom..” he offered.

“That’s what I’m hoping.”  laughed Joscelyn.  They shared a light chuckle.

“I’m Asher by the way...  it’s a pleasure to finally meet you..” he said offering his hand.

“Ummm....finally?” Joscelyn asked cautiously taking it.

He dropped his head in slight embarrassment and smiled,  “I’m sorry......I saw you inside. I was hoping I would have the chance to meet you...”

Joscelyn blushed and coyly pushed a strand of her behind her ear.  There was an obvious attraction between the two.

“I’m.......” she started to introduce herself.

“Joscelyn...” he answered before she could speak.

“How did you know my name?” Joscelyn asked stunned.

Asher paused.  “I overheard your friend call you “Joscelyn” in this restaurant earlier...” he said after a moment.

“Oh........you must have super....” Joscelyn started but was interrupted by her ringing cell phone.  “Can you excuse me one second, I need to take this.”

Asher nodded and smiled.  Joscelyn turned away and took a few steps down the walk to answer her phone only to find a wrong number on the other end of the line.  She turned back around in hopes of continuing a conversation with her new found friend. The sidewalk was empty. He was gone.

-

Joscelyn stopped off at a local coffee shop before heading home.  She walked inside and found the place surprisingly bustling for the late hour. 

“One skinny vanilla latte in a grande, please..” she said to the barista at the counter.

“Coming right up!” the chipper barista replied.

Joscelyn pulled her debit card out of her wallet to pay.  “Oh, no charge ma’am.  The gentleman over there took care of it..” the barista added pointing toward the far corner of the shop. Joscelyn looked back over her shoulder and saw her man in black, Asher, who was making his way over to her.

“You find my missing cell phone and now you’re buying me coffee?  You’re too good to be true.” grinned Joscelyn as Asher met her at the counter.  He nodded at the cashier as she handed Joscelyn her coffee.

“It’s just a small chivalrous gesture...I hope you don’t mind.” Asher replied.

“Oh no...not at all.  This sort of chivalry doesn’t happen to me very often, so I’m gonna enjoy it.  Thanks..” Joscelyn laughed taking a sip. 

Asher smiled and looked around the noisy coffee shop.  Not the best location for small talk.  The expression on Joscelyn’s face told the same story. 

“May I walk you out to your car?” Asher asked after a moment.

“Sure..”  Joscelyn said quickly.  She walked towards the door, Asher following close behind.  He held the door for her as she went out.

“Did you get a callback?” Asher asked stepping onto the sidewalk.

“I’m sorry?” Joscelyn replied confused as they walked to the side of her car.

“Your phone call....was it a callback?” he continued.

“Oh.....no...unfortunately just a wrong number...”  Joscelyn said playfully pouting as she leaned against her driver’s door.

“I’m sorry to hear that.  But try not to take it so hard, I believe your time is coming.”  Asher said giving her sympathizing glance.

Joscelyn laughed.  “So in addition to your ‘saving-damsels-in-distress’ routine and buying coffee, you also moonlight as a fortune teller?”

Asher grinned and looked down at the ground. “No, nothing like that.  I just have a feeling you’re going to make it.”

Joscelyn shrugged...“Well, thanks for the vote of confidence, but I haven’t had the best of luck here lately..” 

“I know...” Asher said under his breath.  Joscelyn didn’t hear it.

There was an awkward pause between them as though they were both waiting on the other to speak.

Asher rocked back on his heels nervously ...“What if I could change that run of bad luck for you?”

She scoffed...“Unless you are a big, important Los Angeles Talent Agent, Casting Director or even a genie, I don’t think that’s possible...”

Asher casually shook his head, “No, I’m nothing of that nature, but I believe I can help you.”

“How?!” demanded Joscelyn.

He bit his lip nervously. “We could work out a deal of sorts...”

With those words, Joscelyn’s opinion of Asher took a downturn.  Her smile changed into a look of disgust.  “Ok, ‘Asher’ …..I appreciate you finding my cell phone and returning it and buying me coffee...but if you’re just some creepy man who says he can make me famous and all I have to do is sleep with him......this conversation is over.” Joscelyn angrily said as she opened her car door.

“Did you mean it when you said you would gladly sell your soul to be successful?”  Asher asked as he glared at her.

Joscelyn’s mouth dropped opened in shock.  “How the hell did you know about that?! Have you been stalking me?!” She slammed her door shut and pushed past him to jog back to the coffee shop.  She had to call the police.  Asher stood motionless and watched her go inside.

As soon as the coffee shop door shut behind her, she ran to the barista.  Her heart pounded in her ears.

“Can you please call the police?  That guy out there is stalking me...” Joscelyn whispered to the girl as she pointed out to the parking lot where Asher stood.

The barista looked up at her with a blank expression. “Joscelyn, Asher is only trying to help...”

Joscelyn was frozen in place.  Her stomach dropped. “What the....”

“Please, Joscelyn don’t be afraid...” a voice whispered from behind her.  She whirled around and found Asher.

“Who are you?!” she asked terrified. Her whole body shook with fear.

Asher gently grabbed her hand. “Let me show you...” 

Everything went black.