The return of a soldier pt 2

It’s the only honest thing that I can think of. After another swig my drink is gone, I stand to refill mine. His is finished also. I return from the kitchen minutes later with fresh drinks, he still looks intent, but confused.
“You loved me, that was the reason,” he asks almost stupidly, as if he doesn’t believe me.
“Yes, I’ve tried to come up with many reasons over the years and that’s what I’ve settled on. It’s not like you were a great liar. I knew your every move from either Jaime or Alli, I knew every bitch you fucked, every bitch you took out to eat, and every time I saw you I thought about it. But even though every time I saw you I thought about it, no matter what, when we had sex, you kissed me the same, grabbed me the same, stroked me the same, hungrily. Like you couldn’t get enough, that was intoxicating to me, that need for me, that craving, made me crave you, the love made me blind to a lot of sexual manipulation.”
​The alcohol is definitely kicking in, I’m saying crazy things. He’s speechless. Just looking at me in awe. His brain must be running overtime like mine was before. I take another sip of my drink; it seems less harsh since the first drink is running through my veins.
“You seem so sure about it,” he says finally.
“I am sure, I was in love with you Alejandro. Crazy with it. And it wasn’t like I couldn’t have other boys, I just wanted you. I just remember always wanting you, since I was young. You were my first love, and what an incredible love it was, noteworthy. But when you left and I started to build my life as an adult without you, I did. And then you came back just long enough to throw one last monkey wrench in my heart, and then, then I found Santiago. I realized how different a relationship can be. We were honest, incredibly honest in our relationship, even now. I still love him.” I trail off thinking of Santiago in Atlanta.
“Where is he anyway,” Alex asks.
“In Atlanta. He’s at Clark for business. He won’t be back in Philly until August for a while then back till Xmas.”
“Oh yeah, y’all still together?”
“Not officially,” I answered him. “Santiago and I had decided to take a break from our relationship while he’s at school. I’m allowed to do me, and he him, but when we’re together, we’re “together.”
“And right now,” he asked slyly. “Let’s say all that bull is true and y’all do things like that. What are you right now?”
“Single,” I reply after a minute. I smile uncomfortably for a second and then move to take another sip of my second drink. The Patron is mixing well with the Cuervo. My margarita is hitting in all the right places. I reach next for the pretzels, he’s watching me.
“So if I…” he starts, leaving his heavy body towards mine. I pull back in surprise.
“Alex…”
“I guess that’s your answer.” He said flatly.
“What the fuck is the question? Alex, I’m confused, what do you want from me?”
​He stands, the couch shakes under his weight. The alcohol tells me to stand also. He’s red in the face; I can see the blotches form on his cheekbones, forehead and nose. I haven’t seen him this aggravated in a long time.
“I don’t know what I want; I don’t know what I’m doing here. I just know that the last time a girl looked at me the way you do, well I’ve never seen it. Damita, you’re different, you’re so fucking different than any of them. Any and every bitch, Princess you’re different. I’ve been trying to find someone with all of your qualities, your heart, your fire, your brains, and the sex, but none of them ever came up to par.”
​I fall back onto the couch with his words; I can’t form a sentence to save life. My brain is on overload again, it’s giving me a headache, or maybe that’s just the tequila.
“Damita, I want you.”
“Alex, I don’t know what to… I… it’s been two years; I haven’t even talked to you. You can’t just come here and… I just…” I stopped to collect my thoughts. Took the last sip of my drink and stood to return to the kitchen. I poured myself another drink. The pink peep toe pumps I’m wearing are becoming a bit difficult to work with now that I’m on my third drink. I return to the living room, having had a second to think.
“Alex what do you expect me to say, you’ve come in here on some whirlwind. What’s really changed?”