You Have To Go

Confusion echoes through my mind like transverse waves swirling aimlessly. The confusion settles in my heart, seemingly blocking out any escape routes to push the thoughts through. The confusion makes my head spin and my vision turns blurry. It restricts me from progressing into the future; it chains me down like a burden that tires me too quickly. It pushes down on my lungs, making it hard for me to breathe. It numbs my senses and for just a slight moment, it even numbs the ache in my heart. It is a startling revelation but I have become lost in my own wilderness; lost in my own confusion.



I shut my eyes tight and try to push the world away. I form barriers in my mind, a granite wall keeping the world away. Questions without answers sub-consciously seep into my thoughts. What am I doing here? The rules had been simple. I was not to come here anymore. I am no longer allowed to meet you. Just the thought of you makes the walls crumble and strips my thoughts bare. In my mind, I see clearer than if my eyes were open. I see a kaleidoscope of colours emerge from the darkest corner of my mind. I see patterns form and pictures appear; pictures from distant memories that have lose their realism. I see images from figments of my imagination. Most of all, I see you.



Your eyes attract me with a soft alluring beauty. They captivate and drag me into their depths. Your eyes are a mystery, like stars on a cloudy night; they are there but sometimes it takes a bit of searching to find them. My heart palpitates, echoing in the walls of my veins like an orchestra, but not quite a symphony. You cannot be here. The consequences would be harsh if they find us together. It breaks my heart. I can see that you are tied together with a smile but you are coming undone now. The moment is too painly perfect; a surreal beauty. Your fingers flutter down my arm and the movement pulls me back to reality. I gaze sub-consciously into your eyes. They speak to me in a cryptic code that only I understand. You do not want to leave but if you do not go, there will be trouble.



You sigh silently. It is time for you to leave. Realization dawns on you; we may never cross paths again. You smile now when you see into my soul and see the pain that no one else but you, could ever understand. The sides of your mouth turn upwards. Your eyes crinkle but there is no sparkle in them, no ethereal beauty. The sparkle is replaced by harshness. You are angry at the rules, at the people. Your fingers brush my cheeks and you murmur a goodbye. Your eyes glaze over with pearlescent tears. You turn away.



I want to pull you back, to make you stay. I want to convince you that we can fight the rules but I know we cannot do so. So I nod when you glance back for the last time. There are men approaching and they must not see us together and so you run from where I stand.



You have to go and I have to stay. We are a constellation of intertwined fates but our stories will be told separately. You have to go.