Why am i here?

you came into my life unattainable
we both knew
there was nowhere to go
but time makes it harder
and i'm backed into this corner
what to do?
where to go?
i just don't know...
don't tell a soul
keep it all in
no one has to know
a dirty little secret
clawing at me
i hold my breath.
speak with our eyes
why?
and i ask you, how did this happen?
wondering where the path began to vanish
where the lines crossed
and were soon so lightly drawn they couldn't be seen
and you told me,
in
such confidence
that all i did was be me
a free spirit
i keep asking
keep saying sorry
keep
sitting
here.
don't be sorry
you say
don't worry
but it's hard to keep things easy when it seems we live 2 lives
what happens if they too begin to cross?
what happens if the silence become shattered?
what if...
the thoughts are endless
and day and night and night and day i fight with the concept
try to justify
try to be ok
it is what it is
i accept it
we're on the same page i know this
but page 33 is still 33 even if we're reading different books.
ask me a new question.
maybe i don't understand
maybe i'm more lost than i think...
or maybe i do understand
and i'm just searching for reasons
to say
"i just don't know"
again a tangled web i've started weaving
or am i the spider at all?
perhaps i have fallen prey?
what if...
again, and again until i'm dizzy
thoughts racing
along with my heart
spirit unsettled
what is this?
irrational
just stop it!
building that little brick wall as high as i can
maybe you won't see me
but you do.
and i calm down
here we are again
let's start all over
i'll stay calm.
please
tell
me
honestly
why i'm here?