Though Apart

Based on the structure of a Villanelle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Villanelle) this is a piece I am trying to perfect for class. Any reviews would be welcome.

In its emptiness our mind cries (8)
Because the loss we must make right (8)
In its loneliness our bold heart sighs (9)

In the darkness we turn to rise (8)
And search for the last fading light (8)
In its emptiness our mind cries (8)

Our hope around us fades and dies (8)
Vacuity we can not fight (8)
In its loneliness our bold heart sighs (9)

With need to see with our two eyes (8)
The light shine on a happy sight (8)
In its emptiness our mind cries (8)

For the right to unveil these lies (8)
And learn to stop the painful plight (8)
In its loneliness our bold heart sighs (9)

Remorse alone can weld these ties (8)
Until such time as this is right (8)
In its emptiness our mind cries (8)
In its loneliness our bold heart sighs (9)