Sleeping Pills

         My stomach feels ill. This feeling comes regularly thanks to the sleep pills, but this ill feeling is different. It’s like my body is telling me that something is going to go wrong. She’s going to hurt me. I think she’s going to hurt me. Not physically hurt, like hitting or anything like that. Mentally, she’s going to mentally hurt me. My heart, it’s starting to get lighter, going to a safer place. The light is coming to my head. It’s time for me to pass out.

         It takes a half hour for me to regain consciousness. I wake up to the side of the toilet, head aching with a feel of remorse for whatever my body just experienced. I look to the not-so- numb side of my body which has a vodka bottle pretty much sucked dry. “Oh great,” I think to myself. “What have I gotten myself into again?” My brain keeps trying to think and keep me awake, as much as possible.

         I crack my neck and pick my numbed body up off the cold creaky floor. My ass hurts from being in a very uncomfortable position. I throw the vodka bottle in the trash as I make my way to my room, though it feels like I live by myself so it shouldn’t matter?

         I don’t change out of my clothes into pajamas tonight, just like I’ve been doing ever since the paranoia had entered my scarred head. She’s been on my mind. Kayti hasn’t talked to me for a couple days now, and she usually texts me at least once to tell me she loves me and she’ll see me at school, but I haven’t seen her since the fight I had with her ex girlfriend Kendra. Oh how I hate Kendra. She’s hurt my girl so much and I couldn’t just sit back and watch her get hurt more could I? No. I’m her girlfriend and I protect my girl from people… like… her.

         Ever stop kidding yourself and get some freaking sleep already! My mind unconsciously talked to me. I was bewildered to actually be listening to it this time, usually it just agrees and knocks me out, not tonight I guess.

         I pass out after contemplating it. Though my dream should have calmed me and made me happy, it made me freak out even worse. She was in my dream, like she usually is. But this dream was different than the last ones, she’s with her. How could she hang out with such… a bitch?! I notice the surroundings; we’re at school outside, by the football field. The Wolverines play tonight and I had to meet Kayti here for some reason, I guess I know why now. Kendra was holding her hand, like they held hands when they were dating. I looked down at the bleachers making my way to her. Head down, my conscious said, “What did you want to-” Kayti interrupted me, “Kendra is my girlfriend, I’m done with you. You can go now.” Kayti said with a smirk, looking at Kendra with her beautiful green eyes. I looked up to see them kiss. Kendra stole that kiss from me! We shared such passionate kisses like that… How could she hurt me? Kendra looked at me with a vile smile. She pushed, shoved, me off the bleachers. This is when I woke up.

         Sweat. I’m dripping with sweat. My body, my head, my arms, waist, everything is soiled in the presence of nasty, wet, smelly sweat. I sit up on my bed, head aching and take two Advil that I always keep next to my bedside.