Agent Rathod 2011 .. "The Assignment"

There is an inner voice/premonition which briefly told me something which scared me..

"Do you want to save the joshua tree (of tribes) or the money tree (in which dollar is top branch and other currencies the supporting branches). If you decide to save the money tree, there will be only one tribe left - that will be the one guarding the money tree. On the contrary, if you chose to save joshua tree (all tribes in middle east) you will be ostracised, exiled and bankrupt - those guarding money tree will throw everything they have got on you.."

The story below is purely fiction - If you hack, steal and share, you will start World-War 3. Even if you managed to you - the heavy handedness of your Government will be in full effect - they will dig up your pavements/roads - so you will never be able to take out your car/bike/travel. They will generate internet bill mid-month and demand payment and cut internet service.. Now itself, they will ask Income tax department to send a notice for advance tax payment of 200 dollars and if you live in regime controlled lands, your house could be destroyed/bombed or your address/GPS location/mobile IMEI could be given to list of drone strikes.

This movie story is a mix of movies "The assignment", "Oceans eleven", "Mission Impossible". The story is about an agent (around 50 years old - heros are 50+) . However, if this is ever converted to a movie, it will be a dull movie. The movie will take audience to the edge of seats of a promise of action but will never happen (like poll promises of some politicians). The movie storyline will grapple you to search for inner meaning like your hand searching for popcorn in an empty popcorn box.. After watching the movie, not to feel foolish before family and friends of having wasted money, you will talk about directorial touches and special effectsn and appreciate it all the way to the parking lot..

Now to some serious story telling...

Summary :
Agent Rathod a CISF unit person working in oil refinery sent to rescue an Indian Chemical scientist caught in an oil refinery occupied by extremists. This is about search and rescue covert mission.

Before it, as usual, we zoom into earth - deep somewhere in Southasia between Afghanistan and India, Agent Rathod (50+) is having a happy time with a diplomat's girl friend (ex. Model/Aero India hostess). Imagine "Sare cheesiya song" - Instead shahid kapoor, replace with rawat(actor from crab dance scene in movie "Himmatwala") and replace sonakshii sinha with Vidya balan). Frankly if this ever gets converted into a movie, there will definitely be a spat in TV channels on how agents/security work of Indians are trivialized - then a guy with big mustache will say "For God sake this is an item song in the movie - people do not care if shahid kapoor or Kangaroo dancing it as long as it is an item number"

Agent rathod's handler Agent Y is still older (imagine Anupam kher playing role of 60
+ years). On seeing this song, which noone should be able to watch with any seriousness anyway, Y gives a Voip call to Rathod via dark-net - the call goes all the way from servers in southasia to russia to europe to southamerica to china to asia and america and finally lands back to voip phone next street.
Y says "Rathod, at this age you should be thinking about retirment not dancing with women"!! How is your honey-trap project coming up?
Rathod says "Not much success. When i get close while she was serving, she gets irritated, goes behind kitchen curtain and asks our old maid to serve me food" (actually here i had a joke about "when people get ignored, they become crack heads" lamar odom joke delivered in obama tone - but anyway that is for US consumption)
Y says "I get that this is not working.. It is time to wind up - I have a new assignment for you.."

Meanwhile, somewhere in R&D labs of a government owned oil company, a scientist and his team demostrates their work to VP who is just out of a serious meeting with CEO/President. Scientists introduces VP to his assistant (who is an IIT techie) and explains various cutting edge works - he shows them a tube extensions which converts any vehicle exhaust to clean/cool air and feeds back the heat back into the engine, heat conserving bangle shaped objects which conserves heat in gas stove, Rubber/type cylindes which instead of steel cylinders provide same safety and extremely light weight than even ladies can carry them in bicycles and get them refilled in refil centers etc etc. The VP says "Hold on, while our leader/CEO is shuttling between Mumbai and Delhi and asking Dr.Singh to pursuade Obama to free the 1billion dollar bonds currently stuck in switzerland under counter-terrorism charges (just because Iranians tried to encash it), instead of finding ways to remove parameters of oil refinement specific to Iranian oil and make our refineries and production to take in saudi oil/quatar/libya/sudan oil, you are reasearching on RUBBER CYCLINDERS!!! Get back and give me RESULTS!! he cried angrily..

The VP then talked to his secretary who candidly says "Good luck with Dr.Singh commanding Obama.. I heard rumor that by time Dr.Singh explained to Obama about 2008 crisis and how counter measures are done and came to topic of Iranian oil, Obama went for next Kabab filling.." (I made this up.. ). VP asks secretary - look sir, your scientists are bright minds - but they need to understand business of oil.. For that we will send them on an industrial tour on how oil refineries production parameters are done in other countries..

After a few days, the scientist calls his assistant and says in a sober voice "We are going on an industrial tour". They young assistant in late 20s is extremely excited - Sir does this mean we go to "Alaska, North sea, Brazil, Vietnam". Scientist says "No. curb your enthusiasm - we are going to visit Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Libya, Sudan and finally (if we survive this trip) dubai". On hearing this, the assistant's face shrunk - he said "Are we all by ourselves alone". The scientist says "No. they are sending an ex service man (whom i call Z) who worked as CISF in an oil refinery in border area and has good experience in counter insurgencies..". Assistant says "One man army" . Scientists say "Yes. But i do not see any issues as this industrial tour is approved by the governments of countries we visit and they vouched for our safety as it is their oil business that is at stake.."

Days pass by.. Again we zoom in back to earth - this time using an American defense satellite over Libya.. It is early morning and african sun is up on the Sahara. Some distance away, they hear gun shots - Scientists, assistant and Z all wake them in their pajamas. Scientists says looks like Libyans wake up early to celebrate their village festivals.. As they watch the hot air in the reddish sum, they see jeeps, jeeps and jeeps with semi-automatic weapons and weapons.. (Booo hooo hooo hoooo hoo - cries fill the air..). Z says, they are celebrating, we are about to be captured by CRISIS. Suddenly the meager Oil-Refinery-Protection-Force ORPF kicks in and they start firing back.. And that moment, Z picks up his tooth-brush and about to get to rest room.. Scientist says "Hey what the hell you are doing - we are not going to catch an international flight - we are about to get caught". Z says cooly "You see these guys cannot hold it much longer and by the time, those chemistry undergrad dropouts figure which pipes carry oil which carry water, out of frustation, they are going to blow up all pipes and we are not going to have any running water. Now is the chance to use the restroom". Scientists aks what happens when we run out of water "We would use scrap papers". And after that "It is shaky shaky grind, there is sand in my behind". Scientist says "Jesus" "You have been there before?"

And then they see an african oil worker in his pajamas carrying his suitcase trunk in his head running into sand dunes with just his toilet chappals. Z says "Hey boss - you think you can run 20kms in sand with chappals, catch a ride in highway to internation airport?" He says "i will try and he runs away.." With guns blazing, all of them use restrooms and freshen up.. and 20 mins later - Z says "keep your id cards ready as if he is checking people trying to catch a flight"

Within next 2 hours, all three of them along with many indian and chinese workers are sat on the floor. Then a guy (Called T) from CRISIS (imagine Jack nicholson from movie departed in arab attire) shoots down a plane and says to those seated "(in similar lines as dialog in movie departed only that it is reverse) see in a normal situation, having these sort of missile systems, shooting down planes and capturing oil refineries kicks in sanctions from western countries, but in this situation, it adds to list of recommendations for your funding from the same western countries.."

Now T talks to negotiators and says he wants the most-wanted commander (X) from libyan Government to be captured as prisoner and handed over to him. Now the negotiators from India say, not in their scope - They can provide monetary compensation - but they cannot intervene inside Libyan politics. T says, he is going to kill all 3 of them, if Indian Government/any negotiators hands then X ( Though it is highly illogical demand - It is a time of confusion - all groups demanded all sort of things - much like a town hall meeting with God where everyone demanded everything). Now Indian negotiators have to either get X or do a Con-job and get them.. This is where part of movie takes shape of "The assignment" where Rathod is called to duty.

The mission is as follows : Libya's dictator holed up has been frantically calling bahrain, luxemburg for his asylum. One of his assistant says "Sir Luxemburg does not have seal-6 team for extraction". Another assistant says "Sir bahrain plane is grounded in Egypt. Egypt govt is not allowing it to fly anymore" Dictator says "What about U.S state dept" Assistant says "They are mum" Dictator says "Curse you USA". Now X is with dictator (the wanted man by T). Now X is planning to meet a bahrain/UN rep somewhere between Libya/Egypt. Now CIA is trying to play the con-job themselves using their seal-6+ freedom fighters with drone support from Ethopia. Now mission from India is to counteract them and get to X first, replace him and get him to T and get the captives freed before Con job is exposed..

Now seal-6 is doing recon and we are doing recon on seal-6. Deep in a libyan city port in a hotel, CIA has been planning to nab X by baiting him to meet bahrain rep for extraction of dictator - Not knowing is that they are themselves been watched for kidnap of bahrain/UN rep before they make it to hotel to get to X - It is 2 pronged - counter CIA deception to lure X and ask X to come somewhere else - place Rathod as bahrain/UN rep to keep the meeting going long enough to extract/kidnap/rendition X to point where captives are held up and free them - after which all of them scatter and escape..


(I always get back to this limp bizkit song "Take a look around" video).