Seven Sinners

         EXT. KID'S PLAY PARK - NIGHT

A group of seven teenagers, aged between 18 and 21, are sitting on various part of the kids playground. The leader, JK, is sitting on a chair overlooking the others. They are passing round booze and fags to each other. Stoneman is in the corner happily on drugs.

JIMMY

What do'ya mean you'd sleep with effing Julie Roberts?

FINN

What's wrong with that? She's fit ain't she?

JIMMY

No, she ain't. Keira Knightley's fit.

FINN

Keira Knightley 's a twig with no fucking breasts. You need something to grab onto.

EXT. TOWN - NIGHT

The gang stroll throw town. Knocking over anything they can and leaving chewing gum on buildings.

JIMMY

Look, I'm just saying maybe you need to look for something other than just the size of their hooters...

JK

Look who's getting all soppy and emotional now.

JIMMY

Fuck you JK, I'm merely commentating...

JK

Merely commentating? You come from Cambridge Jimmy?

JIMMY

No. Cause I fuckin haven't.

JK

Then stop talking like a dirty posh cunt.

INT. 24/7 SUPERMARKET - NIGHT

George stuffs a pack of sweet up his top as the other gang slyly walk around the shop. A security guard notices them and watches them walk around the shop.

jimmy

You tellin'' me you wouldn't fuck Keira Knightley ?

JK

Why would I want to fuck her? I'd rather Jordan. Someone with some large titties.

JIMMY

But Jordan's a slag. D'ya not see what she did to Peter Andre?

JK

Yes I did, and why would i fucking care bout that? She's a slut, she's hot she'd be good in bed. Maybe I'd get a threesome if I dated her.

JIMMY

Threesome? You'd be lucky to get one.

JK

Shut your mouth Jimmy boy before I punch your daisy duke lights out.

They reach the counter. JK pays for a set of chewing gum and they head to walk out the shop. A security guard stops them.

GUARD

Stop! Thieves!

He plants his hand on Sakar. The rest belt it while Sakar is left to the mercy of the guards.

EXT. OUTSIDE 24/7 - NIGHT

The gang run off, the second fat security stops chasing them after running out of breath.

FINN

Don't you think we should get Sakar?

BANNER

You go get him then if you're so tough.

FINN

We can't just leave him for the fuckin fuzz.

BANNER

No you are right, we should go back in there and rescue him. Mount a fuckin' James Bond style rescue attempt. We're not going to go down for it as well. What we fuckin steal anyway?

George

I got some Malteasers.

BANNER

You're joking me. You're letting Sakar go down thanks to some fuckin' Malteasers. Jesaz Mary of mother Christ you're some fat piece of mummy's boy work.

GEORGE

What else was I pose to steal?

BANNER

I don't fuckin know. Maybe something worth some value? Jewelery nice and easy but no you go and fuckin steal Malteasers. Anyone else grab something?

Silence.

JK

I got some Skittles.

Banner

Fuckin' Christ we're a bunch of masterminds aren't we? Well at least we can have a lovely picnic.

EXT. STREET BENCH - NIGHT

The gang of six are sitting on or around a park bench sharing malteasers, skittles, booze and fags.

JIMMY

We need to settle this. Who'd you choose Knightley  or Jordan.

Banner

Knightley

JK

Jordan

FINN

Roberts.

JIMMY

No you fuckin' turd. Did we say Roberts? No we fuckin' didn't we've already establish that no one wants to sleep with that fifty year old hag. So who'd you do?

FINN

Jordan

JIMMY

Fuckin' twat. Alright, George

GEORGE

Keira, gotta be. I wouldn't mind playing Pirates with her.

JK

Keep that to yourself or I'll make you walk the plank.

Jimmy

Okay that's two for Knightley  and two for Jordan. I'm of course for the hot sweet succulent Knightley . That leaves Stoneman.

STONEMAN

Huh?

JIMMY

Have you not been listening to what we've all been fuckin' saying?

STONEMAN

Wha?

jimmy

Okay Stone head. Would you like to sleep with Keira the hot sexy pirate Knightley  or would you want to sleep with Katie the lying fuckin whore Jordan?

STONEMAN

Erm.

JK

Hurry the fuck up will you.

STONEMAN

Kiera...

JIMMY

Yes!

STONEMAN

...no...wait.

JIMMY

Jesas Christ, hurry up before I knock you out.

STONEMAN

Jordan. Yeah Jordan! She's 'ot!

Stoneman returns to his drug induced state located somewhere outside of reality.

JK

So what that make? 3-3?

JIMMY

Fuck it man. We need Sakar. He'd be able to break this tie.

JK

How long d'ya think the fuzz will keep him?

JIMMY

Dunno, but I doubt sweety stealing carrys a life term. Unless the fuck tards find out something else he's been doing.

ext. police station - night

Five of the gang are waiting outside the police station. Jimmy is inside.

GEORGE

I need a piss.

JK

Well go find a toilet.

GEORGE

Where?

JK

How am I meant to know?

GEORGE

How am I!

JK

Look (pointing) there's a bush over there go and do your business there.

GEORGE

What if the cops see?

JK

It's night, you're behind a bush, you'll be fine.

George walks towards the bush.

BANNER

How longs he been?

FINN

Bout fifteen minutes.

BANNER

You think they've locked him up as well?

FINN

Dunno. Go check.

BANNER

I ain't fucking going in. I'm not stupid.

We hear the sound of urine.

FINN

It's fucking raining?

JK

That ain't no rain.

They turn around and see George peeing behind the Bush but he is drunk and missing. The urine is spraying off the bush and coming down on the gang. They notice and get out the way.

JK

What the fuck you doing?

GEORGE

Pissing, you told me too.

JK

I didn't tell you to spray over us did I?

GEORGE

I'm behind the Bush.

JK

It's fuckin coming off the Bush. Have you not finished pissing yet?

GEORGE

I've had a lot to drink.

JK

Fuckin' hell. Look there's Jimmy and he's with Sakar.

George finishes pissing and goes to put his penis away only to get it caught in his zip.

GEORGE

Ouch, fucking hell that hurts.

George tries to undo his zip but it's stuck.

GEORGE

Someone help me!

JK

I'm not touching you're cock. Someone else do it.

BANNER

No fuckin way am I going to touch you after you've just pissed over us. Finn can do it.

FINN

Fuck you.

GEORGE

Help, it hurts.

FINN

Fine then. Come here George.

Finn grabs the zip and yanks it down hard. George screams wolf-like into the sky.

FINN

Put it away now.

George carefully puts his penis back into his trousers and very slowly zips himself back up. Jimmy and Sakar have crossed the street.

JIMMY

What the hell was that noise for.

FINN

Got his cock caught in his trousers.

JIMMY

Twit.

They start walking away from the police Station. George is hobbling.

JK

Have a nice time Sakar?

SAKAR

It'll do.

JIMMY

Okay Sakar I need you to be the deciding vote. Who would you choose to fuck - Keira Knightley , who is so awesomely hot or Jordan, who isn't.

Sakar

Knightley .

JIMMY

Fuck yeah!

JK

Damn it.

They carry on walking down the street.

SAKAR

Why do you guys smell like piss?

FADE OUT