Dad [Part 1]

It's been a week since my father's death. It had been a tormented week, it happened too sudden that I thought I am still dreaming now and hope that this dream will wake up one day.

My dad was a taxi-driver. Our family allowances depends on how much my dad can earn everyday. My parent will always quarrel with each other whenever my mum came back from my grandmother's place. At that time, I really hate grandmother and uncle. They always gossip about my dad's job and how useless his job was; and his job cannot support the family financially.

But to us, we know how much my dad love his job. He loves to travel. He loves to work as taxi-driver, not because his brothers are working as a taxi driver as well, but because working as taxi-driver allows him to have a car himself, and he can drive us around during weekend. He loves to spend time with us.

And so, here's a letter I wrote to my father after I calm myself down.

To my dearest father,
You have been a greatest father, the most wonderful father who loves us in your own ways. You have never ever shout at us neither beat us, you just sigh most of the time when we didn't listen and give advice each and everytime when we made mistakes. Though you didn't really talked much but you will always care for us in your own ways by asking mum (whom I am closer to) every night in the bedroom. You are so willing to sacrifice yourself and your time for us. Always driving us to the interchange every morning because the bus stop is always full of people. You will always call me during my school dismissal just to drive me home from school without even complaining that it is tiring and troublesome, you call me almost everyday without fail. Do you know how much I miss your call? Do you know how much mum and us have miss you? Do you know how much mum and us have loves you more than anything? How can you just left us without leaving any messages??? How can you do this to us when you loves us so much?
My heart is aching and sour. My tears become an uncontrollable tap when I think that this house is not complete anymore. But what can I do?
Dad, I am sorry for throwing my temper on you, for losing my patience on you, for everything you did for me but I just take it for granted. Will you please come back to us right now? At this moment? I really miss you. I know my mistakes. Can you please come back???

...Everything happened last tuesday morning.
I don't know what actually happened and how my dad fell from the bed. Before we went to bed, dad asked me what time I need to be in school the next day so he can know what time he should wake up and drive me to school like how he used to be. I told him, my lesson starts late and I went to bed quite early that night because I was having a headache.

It's midnight 12-1am. We were sleeping as usual. Everything should go fine and we should sleep till morning and dad drive us to school. But suddenly, we heard. ''BOM'' My dad fell, my mum jumped up from the bed and quickly get up and climb to my father's side, asking if he is alright. I was awakened by my mum's yelling. The moment I open my eyes, I saw my dad laying on the floor and my panic mum. He can't get up. No matter how much he strive to get up, no matter how much he used his energy, he can't get up. My mum quickly hold on to my dad's arm so does my sis, both of them pull him up slowly to sit up. And then I realised half of my dad's bodies couldn't move. His right hand can't move, he can't speak clearly. I keep asking him what happened to his right hand but he didn't answer me. He just keep trying to get up using his left hand...I was trembling in fear. I went to get a cup of water for my dad and feed him the water, he took the cup himself and drink it, I was relieved for a second but my emotion starts to fall apart the moment I saw the water drool down slowly-he can't swallow! I quickly called my uncle who lived near us, who always support us when times are bad and also, I called the ambulance.
To be honest, this is the first time in my whole entire life to call an ambulance. The waiting is torturing. I went out to pray to the god and my ancestor, I just hope that they will take care of my father and my father will be fine.
The ambulance arrived around 10 minutes, so does my uncle. I didn't know that my dad was looking at my uncle when he was carried to the ambulance. To what I heard, my uncle said my dad was looking at him and trying to speak but ''uh..uh..uh'' is the only thing that came out from my dad's mouth. My uncle seems to know what my dad is trying to say, so he said ''Don't worry, I will take care of them.'' My dad know that he can't make it...he know something bad is happening and he can't tell us that he will 100% be alright.
We arrived at the hospital and my uncle said, '' your dad might got stroke or something. '' I thought...stroke?! My mind went totally blank for a second..my dad is a breadwinner for this family...what will happened to this family if my dad got a stroke. But my sis says ''stroke still can be heal but it just takes times...longer time'' So I accepted this fact....but...when the doctor came and talk to us...giving us the answer that has NEVER EVER cross our mind, my mum , sis , uncle and I totally breakdown.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ''I AM SORRY''!?
The blood clot till 7cm, too big to get an operation. Basically the blood vessels burst when my dad fell and because his blood is too diluted due to the medicine the doctor had given him, the blood flow like water. It damage most of my dad's brain cell and it conclude that my dad is brain dead.
My brother is in the police force. Still in his 3 months training. We didn't really planned to tell him until saturday when he came back, but when we heard the news from the doctor saying my dad will go anytime, we called him, but to no avail, his phone was switched off. I called the other aunts and uncles on my father's side and they arrived in the hospital around 3am. I wail, I cry, I beat so hard on my dad's lap, calling him, asking him to wake up, begged him but he punished me with his silence and motionless. Then a doctor came to update us on my dad's condition. He said the clot is too big to get an operation, even if he gets an operation, it didn't help much. The percentage for my dad's survive is 0%, what the doctor can do is just to let my dad feels comfort but doctor, do you think my dad is comfort with those needles poking on my dad's vein?!
When my brother's arrived in the hospital because my uncle called the police academy and bring my brother to the hospital, my brother cried. Do you know? This is the first time I saw my brother crying so sadly. He has never ever cry in front of us before, Never. And suddenly, my dad's leg kick up. It seems like my dad knows my brother is here. But after that, he just lay there motionless.
My brother, my mum, my sis and I had been calling, crying, wailing, shaking him, beating him to ask him to wake up, since morning 3am till 3pm, he just didn't reply us. He didn't get up and say '' hey it's painful'' He just lay there...
Around 4pm, a consultant came over. He look at my dad's x-ray and said wanted to talk to the family. He shook his head when we asked him ''what will happened to my dad?'' He said in his life being a doctor, to case like this..it's normally...and he shook his head again. He said he will ask a brain surgical doctor to look and examine if my dad is really brain dead. I cried real hard, but no tears flow down from my tears glance. I wondered...have my tears glance went dry or something?