Tell Her

Tell Her

“Hey, Adam? What do you think of Chad?” Leah asked me when we sat down to lunch.
         “Chad? Well, I don’t know. I only have one class with him and he’s not the top in the class I know.”
         “I think I like him. And I caught him staring at me in gym class today. Do you think he likes me?” I couldn’t answer that question. I knew that I couldn’t tell her the truth and that I think Chad is a complete jerk, knowing how he is in the locker rooms before and after our hockey games. Though, it couldn’t hurt for her to know some stuff about him.
         “Oh, well, just because a guy looks at you, it doesn’t mean that he likes you. I mean, it’s Chad Carter. He’s captain of our hockey team and he always acts like some tough guy. You don’t see how he acts when he’s just with guys.”
         “All of the girls in our class have a huge crush on him.”
         “Yeah, but have you talked to any of the girls who he’s been with? I think you might get different answers.”
         “Oh Adam, you’re just jealous. I knew it would be a bad idea to talk to you about this. I’m just going to go ask Carly. See you later, Adam.” She got up and walked away from me. Her curls bounced up and down, running down half of her back, brown and shimmering in the sunlight coming from the windows in the cafeteria. I watched her walk out of the cafeteria, she was probably heading to the library where Carly hung out during lunch. I looked back down at my plate and tried to remember when Leah and I first met.
It was around five years ago, back in sixth grade. I had seen her sitting at a lunch table with Carly. Her curls bounced back then as well and I found myself being pulled over to their table and I asked if I could join them. They accepted, after short giggles about a boy asking to sit with them. I sat with them everyday for the rest of the week and we’ve all been friends ever since. That first day was also the day I realized I loved her. I wanted to be by her side all the time after that day, but I knew that it was only a crush since we were only in sixth grade then and no one falls truly in love that young.
         The years went by and Leah and I became closer and closer. We told each other everything. The only thing I have kept from her all these years is the feelings I have for her. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship while growing up in high school, so I just never told her. I also thought that the feelings would just go away if I met some other girl along the way. I did meet a few girls, but none of them compared to how I felt about Leah. I still dated other girls, but they never lasted. Leah seemed to be a guy magnet and was going out with guy after guy. They were all either losers or jerks, all only wanting one thing from her. She would always get hurt and then she would come to me. I let her cry on my shoulder every time a guy broke her heart. I was there for her and she was there for me. Carly helped when she could, but being an honor student she doesn’t have much time for a social life. I would comfort Leah and tell her that some day she will meet a guy who will treat her right. I just wish she could see that that guy is me. I would do anything to keep her happy.
         When I looked back up from my plate, I saw that everyone was getting up to go back to class. I did the same and headed off to math and then history.
         When the last bell finally rang, I got up and went to go wait for Leah. We ride to school and back together every day. I got my grandma’s 1997 Century Buick after she died. My parents can’t afford much else.
         “Hey, Leah! Look, I’m sorry about what happened at lunch. You’re right. Maybe I am just jealous.” I told her when I saw her in the hallway.
         “It’s okay, Adam. You were just saying how you felt. You were trying to be honest. Come on. Let’s go home.” We got into my car and I drove her home. 
         “I have to tell you something, Adam,” she said before she opened her door.
         “What is it?”
         “Chad asked me out before I went to my last class. You are okay with me going out with him right?” I was not prepared for this. I took a small breath in and a long breath out. He already asked her out then. She will soon see who he really is. I just hoped it’s sooner rather than later.
         “Wow … Really? Already? That was fast. You know you don’t need my permission to date him.”
         “I know, but you’re one of my best friend and I still respect your opinions. I know you care about me and my happiness. So you don’t mind then?” She’s trying to guilt trip me into saying what she wants me to say since she put her happiness into play. Do I mind? Of course I mind. I love you, Leah. It’s always been me. I’m the one who is always there for you. Why can’t you see that?
         “If you’re happy then I’m happy, Leah,” was all I could say after that remark.
         “Yay! Thank you Adam! He’s taking me to a movie tonight! I’ll go call him and tell him that he can pick me up.”
         “Wait … you’re going out tonight? Tonight was our night to hang out. Remember? We were going to go bowling.”
         “Oh, was that tonight? I completely forgot. I’m so sorry! But you understand right? It’s Chad Carter!” What could I say? No, it’s not ok. Stay with me. I’m the one who truly cares about you, not some stupid jock who will probably try to seduce you tonight. I could say none of that. Well, I suppose I could, but I know I won’t. Maybe I am jealous of Chad Carter. He’s not too scared to ask a girl he likes out. He did get to her first in that aspect.
         “Of course I understand. Just go and have fun at the movies.”
         “Thank you, Adam! And I will! Bye!” she said and kissed me on the cheek. After she got out and it was clear that she could not see me, I rubbed the spot on my cheek where she kissed. It felt so good. I felt myself turn red and become warm. I drove home in a daze, and dreamt about the day she would finally realize how much I really love her.
         I pulled into the garage and went into my house through the garage door. It immediately reeked of beer and tequila. The living room was still trashed from two nights before. I threw my keys on the kitchen counter and tossed my backpack onto the table.
         “Adam? Is that you?”
         “Yes, dad. Who else would it be?”
         “Get me a beer will ya?”
         “Get it yourself,” I said back, as I walked through the trashed living room. He was sitting back in his Lazy Boy chair, his feet propped up onto the footstool, empty beer cans surrounded him. On the coffee table behind him were a half full bottle of rum and an empty bottle of tequila.
         “Hey! You don’t be talkin’ to your old man like that, ya here? Now get me a beer!” he screamed. I was just about to go up the stairs when I heard his footsteps behind me. I felt his grimy hand grasp hard on my right shoulder as he pulled me around with his firm grip until I faced him. I could smell the awful stench of feet, beer, and tequila on his breath just as he swung his right hand straight toward my face. The last thing I remembered was falling backwards onto the first few steps of the staircase.   
         I woke up from the touch of a cool, wet cloth being placed over my forehead. I was now at the bottom of the stairs and my mom was leaning over me, tears streaking down her red cheeks.
         “Oh honey! Are you ok? What did he do this time?” she asked as her voice trembled.
         “I’m fine, mom. It’s nothing really.” I had been telling her this lie often, it seemed.
         “No, it’s not okay! You have another black eye! What are we going to tell people this time? We are running out of excuses, Adam.” She began to cry and cry, her knees sinking farther and farther to the floor. I slowly stood up and went to look at myself in the bathroom mirror. My left eye had swelled up and was now turning black and blue. She was right. I had no idea what I was going to tell anyone who asked about what had happened. There is no way everyone is still going to believe that I keep falling down stairs or a baseball hit me in the face, or anywhere else on my body.
         “Mom? What are we going to do? How much longer are we going to have to live like this?” I asked her, feeling my own eyes start to build up water.
         “I don’t know. … Your father is a terrible drunk and I’ve just been so afraid to do anything about it or to challenge him. I don’t want to cause any more trouble than he has already. I will figure something out though. I promise.” She got up and walked upstairs to her bedroom. I went to go get some ice to put on my eye. I hoped that might keep the swelling down.
         I tried to come up with a story to explain this new wound while I did my homework in my room. I could come up with nothing since I had probably used every excuse in the book already.
         The next morning finally came and I still could not think of a plausible story. I looked in the mirror again and it appeared as if the swelling had gone down a little, but not enough for anyone to completely not notice. I grabbed the keys and went to start up the car. I felt myself becoming more and more anxious as I drove to pick up Leah. Not only because I was nervous about the black eye, but also because I would have to hear about her date with Chad. When I pulled up on her driveway, I honked the horn, as usual. She came out within seconds after and opened the door to throw her backpack in and sat down. I realized that I could keep my bruise away from her for a little bit longer since it’s on my left eye and she was sitting on my right side. All I had to do was not look at her directly.
         “Good morning, Adam. How was your night?”
         “It was okay, nothing special really. How was your date with Chad?”
         “We just went to see a movie and then he took me home. We barely talked since we were busy watching the movie.”
         “And did he kiss you good night at all?” I decided that I could ask this question and be able to get a straight answer, but she turned her head toward the window and didn’t answer my question. I saw her face begin to turn red and her eyes become watery from the corner of my eye. “What did he do to you, Leah?” I wanted to know. I was so mad that something terrible had happened that I forgot all about my eye and turned my face to look into her eyes.
         “He didn’t do anything. What happened to your eye?”
         “You didn’t answer my question good enough! What exactly happened last night when he dropped you off at home?” I demanded.
         “Nothing! I’m fine! What happened to you?”
         “It’s nothing! I’m fine,” I mocked her. I heard a “humph” and then she crossed her arms over her chest. She turned back toward the window and leaned her head against it. I saw some kind of marking on her left arm. It looked like a bruise in a semi-hand-shape. “What’s that on your arm?”
         “What? Oh … that … I accidently got my arm caught in the door. It pinched me.” That was her excuse?
         “How does that even happen to someone? How can you get your whole upper arm caught in a door, but it only pinches your skin? What did he do to you? Please tell me!” I ended up screaming at her. I felt tears of anger or sadness, I couldn’t tell, form behind my lids as I said it. She slid down into the seat and kept her eyes away from mine. She knew she couldn’t lie to me, so it was just best not to say anything at all on her part. We had already pulled into the school parking lot and so we were unable to finish our conversation.
         “Just leave me alone, Adam!” She scrambled out of the car and slammed the door shut. She didn’t wait up for me and didn’t turn around as she walked into the school. Again, I watched her brown curls bounce away from me.
         School seemed to drag on that day. I walked to all of my classes in a daze. I thought only about Leah and what could’ve happened to her last night. I just wanted her to trust me enough to tell me. Plus, it didn’t help that everyone saw my black eye and questioned me about it. I just ignored them and walked away. They would all catch on that I don’t want to talk about it and it would become old news by tomorrow. The last bell finally rang and I rushed off to find Leah. I caught her just as she was about to walk out the door.
         “Hey, Leah! Wait up! I know we didn’t have such a good start this morning, and I’m sorry about that. Are you still willing to ride with me? We could go for pizza like we talked about doing last weekend.”
         “Not today, actually. Chad offered to take me home from school now. And I have plans with him tonight actually. He’s taking me to dinner,” she said.
         “Oh,” I said after it felt as if a knife was just stabbed through my heart. “So you’re still going to go out with him after what he did to you last night? Whatever that may have been.” I couldn’t help myself. I felt so angry.
         “Will you stop that? I told you he didn’t do anything! Why can’t you just trust me? I can’t deal with this right now. I have to go. Chad is waiting for me,” she said and walked away. I didn’t know what to say or do at that point. I walked to my car and headed home.
         I was still pretty angry when I got home and chucked my keys on the counter. My dad was passed out on the couch, so I quickly and quietly snuck upstairs. I didn’t need to get into any more trouble with him right then. I threw my backpack across my room and fell backwards onto my bed. I put in my headphones and cranked up the music. I had to do something to calm down. There had to be something I can do to convince her this guy is bad news. She’s become almost impossible though. Maybe I could catch her before she goes out to dinner with him tonight. That’s what I’ll have to do.
         I pulled my headphones out and ran back down the stairs, grabbed my keys and was out the door and down the street within seconds. The whole ride there I quickly thought about what I was going to say to her, how I was going to go about this. The drive seemed to be twice as fast and I could feel myself begin to sweat as I drove closer to her house. When I pulled onto the driveway, I didn’t get out of the car immediately. I had to calm myself down first. I knew I had to try not to cause another fight between us; it would only make things worse. I didn’t want to lose her over this. I took a big breath in and then let it out. I opened the door, got out, and then slammed it shut. She must’ve heard me pull up, because I heard her front door slam shut.
         “What are you doing here, Adam?”
         “I want to talk to you,” I said, sounding a little sad, hoping that might make her want to hear more.
         “As long as it’s not about Chad then I will talk to you.”
         “Well, it is and it isn’t. Look, I don’t want you going out with Chad. You know that already. Just please let me explain why.” I looked at her with earnest eyes. She was already mad, I could sense that in her tone, but I had to tell her.
         “No! I already know what you’re going to say anyway. Let me guess, he brags about all of the girls he’s been with, talks shit about everyone, thinks he’s the best at everything, blah blah blah. I’ve already heard it, Adam! He’s different when he’s with me. I think I could change him. I know he likes me different than he did the other girls,” she said.
         “No, I’ve heard - ,” I started to say, but she cut me off.
         “You’ve heard it before? I know! So have I! But it’s true in my case. You have to trust me if you’re going to be my friend. If you can’t do that then I don’t see how we can get along right now,” she said. Her words cut through my skin and ripped out my heart.
         “Leah, I do trust you. It’s him who I don’t trust! I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I feel! This friendship goes both ways you know! You have to trust me too! Therefore you have to trust my judgment. I’m telling you, he’s not a good guy! This will never last! You know it too! You know what? Fine. I guess we won’t be friends right now. Don’t even think that you can come to me when this all blows up in your face and you realize that I was right.” I couldn’t believe what I just said. It was like word vomit. Of course I would be there for her when this ends badly. Of course she could cry on my shoulder whenever she needed too. I love you, Leah. That’s what I really should’ve said. I had not said those words, though, and I could not take my other words back. “There was actually something else that I needed to tell you, but I guess I’ve changed my mind.” That is not true either. I could never change my mind about her. It looks like I’m sticking to that old saying, If you love them, then let them go. I didn’t want to let her go.
         I got back into my car and took off as fast as I could. I could feel the tears become heavier and heavier as I drove home, so I cranked the music in order to drone out my thoughts. When I got back home, I ran upstairs and back to my room. Luckily, my dad was nowhere to be seen. I dropped down on my bed and put a pillow over my face. I was not going to cry. We had fought before and we had always fixed it. 
         As the night went on, I began to worry about not being able to fix this. I couldn’t do anything all night long. I couldn’t get my mind off of her. Then, at around eleven o’clock, the phone rang. I heard my mom answer it downstairs and, a few minutes later, I heard her walking up the stairs and heard a knock on my door.
         “Adam? Are you awake? Can I come in?” she asked.
         “Yes. I’m awake. Come on in. What is it? Who was on the phone?”
         “That was Leah’s mom. Something terrible has happened,” she started to say. I could sense that she was about to tear up.
         “What happened? Is Leah in trouble? What did Chad do to her?” I threw the questions at her.
         “There was a car accident. Chad was driving and a drunk driver ran through a red light and hit them as they were going through an intersection,” and then the tears spilled out. I could tell there was more to this story.
         “Mom? What else happened? What happened to Chad and Leah?”
         She was still sniffling and had to take a deep breath before she could say the next part, “Leah is in a coma … and Chad was killed! This is so bad! Do you want me to drive you to the hospital right now?” I had no words. It felt as if I stopped breathing and the world was spinning faster and faster around me. I couldn’t keep up with it. I didn’t even know what to think. This was not what was supposed to happen. If only I had told her the truth and had not been so shy all of these years. She would still be safe.
         “Come on, Adam. Let’s go. I’ll take you there. It might help to see her for yourself. Maybe she has woken up by now,” she said, recognizing that I couldn’t speak. I followed her out the door and into the car. I noticed that my dad’s car was gone and wondered where he could be at this time. Normally, he stays at home to drink, but when he goes to bars he’s usually back before this time. It’s only because the bartenders kick him out because he is always wasted by this time. He had been at the bar for most of the day. My mind must have really being going crazy because I never worried about where my dad was. I never really have cared, until now I guess.
         We pulled into the hospital parking lot and I found myself racing to get out of the car. I think I finally realized the seriousness of this. Chad died? Leah is in a coma? How could this have happened? I really hoped to find who that drunk driver was. He has to know what he has done and if he doesn’t feel bad about it now, he will. I walked with my mom up to the reception desk and asked where Leah Riley was being kept. She told us that she was up on the fifth floor, in the ICU.
         “Visiting hours are over unless you are immediate family – ” the nurse began to tell us and then Leah’s mom came over.
         “They are immediate family. Adam! I’m so glad you came!” she sobbed.
         “Hi, Mrs. Riley. How are you? How is she doing?”
         “Oh, it’s just terrible! The car was going over 70 miles an hour and hit Chad’s side of the car. Leah was knocked out right away and broke her right arm and both of her legs. She still hasn’t woken up!” she said frantically, breaking into more and more tears. I had known Mrs. Riley for a long time and I thought it was appropriate for me to hug her. She sobbed on my shoulder.
         “Can I see her?” I asked.
         “Oh, of course dear. Follow me. This way,” she said, and my mom and I followed her up to the ICU. We arrived at room 517 shortly after getting off the elevator. She was in a room with shaded windows. I looked through the glass door before I followed Leah’s mom into the room. She was hooked up to three different machines. She wasn’t moving. I took a deep breath and went inside. I walked over to the bedside and just stared at her. She had cuts and scrapes all over her body. Her arm was in a cast, as well as both of her legs. She looked really bad.
         “We’ll just go outside and leave you alone with her for a bit. Come on, Judy. Let’s go get some coffee,” she said and they left. I could probably guess that I had tears strolling down my face from the way they both looked at me. I could not feel anything. It was as if I was in a coma as well, only I was conscious.
         “Look at you … I’m so sorry, Leah. I feel so bad about our fight and not just because this has happened to you. I never wanted to say those things to you. You mean the world to me. I’m sorry if I sounded so jealous. I guess I was in a way. There is so much that I wanted to tell you earlier. Now, because I was too afraid of saying those things to you, you got hurt and someone else has died. It’s all my fault. I’m so sorry!” I broke down after that. My knees became unstable and I fell into her lap. I laid my head there and cried into her blanket. “Leah … I love you. I love you so much! Please wake up so I can finally tell you that! I need you! I want you to be able to cry on my shoulder again. I want us to be able to sneak into the Anderson’s pool late at night in the summer. I want us to be able to stay up all night and watch scary movies. I want us to drive to and from school everyday. I want to hear your laugh again. We can’t do those things if you don’t wake up! Please! You must!” She didn’t listen. The only movement was coming from my hand moving up and down her arm. The only sound that could be heard was the machine that kept track of her heartbeat, beep, beep, beep.
         I heard a knock on the door and instantly stood up. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. It was my mom. Her face was red, tears flowed down her cheeks.
         “Adam, honey, I just got a call from the police department.”
         “What is it? What happened to dad?”
         “He was the drunk driver who hit them! He had minor injuries and is at the police station now,” she told me. I was stunned. My head wasn’t filled with sadness anymore. It was filled with anger. My own father had wrecked three families in just seconds. This was where I drew the line with him.
         “Good! I hope he rots in prison for what he did! Chad and Leah’s family better press charges against him too! He deserves whatever he gets!”
         “I know that he has done the most terrible thing he could ever do, but if their families press charges, we are going to be the ones who have to deal with that mess. We can’t afford it. I agree that he should rot in prison, though. Maybe there is a deal we can work out with the families where he gets as much prison sentence as he can instead of them suing us,” she said in her high-pitched worried voice.
         “I don’t care what happens, as long as he stays locked up. We can finally have a nice life, Mom. You don’t have to cry yourself to sleep anymore. We can start a new life without him. We don’t need him. We never have,” I said, my heart turning cold for the moment.
         “I know. It just saddens me when I think about how we finally got to this point. I wish this would’ve have happened this way.”
         “I know, mom. Nobody would wish it this way. It’s just the way it’s supposed to be I guess.”
         “Come on, Adam. Let’s go and leave Leah with her family. We’ll go home and pray that she’ll wake up soon,” she said and I slowly followed her out. Before I closed the door, I looked at Leah one last time and mouthed those three words to her again. God, please wake her up. I need her.
         The drive home seemed to take longer than the drive there. I was still in a daze when I walked up to my room and tried to fall asleep. When I finally did, I dreamed of nothing other than Leah. I woke up with the sun’s rays trying to peak through the blinds. I opened one eye to look at the clock. It was nine o’clock. I was surprised I had slept that late. I forgot if it was a school day or not and then I remembered that it was. My mom must’ve called the school and excused me. I took my time getting up and right after I finished getting dressed there was a knock on my door.
         “Adam! Mrs. Riley just called! Leah is awake! Let’s go!” We both were rushed to the hospital. We went straight up to her room, but when we got there Leah’s mom told us that she was asleep at the moment. She let me go in, though. I practically fell through the door and went to her bedside. She looked like an angel. I kissed her forehead and started to walk toward the door when I heard her say something in her sleep.
         “I love you, too, Adam.” I walked out of the room with a smile on my face. That was all I needed to hear.