A anthem of a Christian victim of domestic abuse. |
Violent lash. Hurtful word. Anger misdirected. Discontent becomes intoxicated assaults. “Don’t you know this is what you deserve?” Defining me, a whore, he says, and I begin to believe the lies, reinforced by violent lash. Hurtful word. Anger. But it was misdirected. “Don’t you know this is what you deserve” Something inside, beaten inside tells me this, and more, much more. “Forgive, forgive and forget, forgive and return.” Forgiveness. Is forgiveness forgotten pain and rationalized assaults on body and spirit? Is it returning to a destructive lie? Is it the hope for a change that never comes? Or is the first step to forgiveness realizing the extent of the offense? What if authentic and healthy forgiveness needs perfect memory? If I see what he did to my life, my body, my spirit— Violent lash. Hurtful word. Misdirected anger--then, in my heart, choose to forgive, to forgive but not to forget to forgive but not to return, is this not a truer forgiveness? “Forgive, forgive and forget, forgive And return.” I did not, I do not deserve the pain of abuse, and I will not, I cannot forget what he did. But forgive—forgive I will, out of a supernatural store I have been given, and out of a supernatural ability I will give a clean slate, free of bitterness of anger, of hate. With this anger, I surrender my fear, and my pain. |