The Battle Within, pt 2

Have I truly failed?
Do I cause pain and suffering upon others?
Should I stand here in shame; reflecting on what I should have done, what I could have done?
Preoccupied with what they may think, I wait.
I wonder, wandering the deserts of my sanity.

With every step there is a reaction.
I feel the sands shift, forcing me to adjust the next step.

He was my journey.

Leagues away I sense the oasis... bountiful, nourishing, enriched with vitality.
I encounter a cactus or two, irritatingly hydrating.
Just enough to keep me going. Just enough to keep me from crying.

I sense his warmth leagues away, how I crave it.
Although the sand warms my feet, its inconsistency is tiring.
The wind tortures my eyes with sand, inducing repressed tears.
I wish to only be in his presence...

The final dune is ahead.
I can feel the fresh breeze of the oasis.
I make my ascent, but I loose footing and fall
Again and again...
So close, but yet so far.
Again and again...

I begin to wonder, why doesn't he help me?
Along the way I receive many gifts through mysterious messengers
Bringing food, clothes, and other fine trinkets...
But where is he? Why isn't he here with me?
I ask... again and again...

Time has taken its toll.
I can't reach him. If he could only be here to help me get there...
Perhaps he is not that oasis... although I want him to be
I realize the depths of his mind plague him as well
Chained and tired he perceives me, but I am not quite there...
Worn and shaking I am unable to move
Weakness overcomes me.

What shall I do?
There is a need for change.
Back to the distance... does that start the cycle again?