Grappling with relationships |
My heart it breaks, my soul does bleed Believing a lie, that with you I’m complete. I see your face; I touch your skin- When I look inside, it is your face within. I shutter and shake, how could this be? I create walls to protect all that is me. Did I leave a crevice through which you slid? Was there a faulty barrier behind which you hid? I work so hard to remain intact- Yet with one chink in the armor, my sanity retracts. I look for your actions to bring about its return, I look to you for the peace that I yearn. I think you are my solution and provide you with power- Seeking your approval, from indifference I do cower. I twist myself into shapes never seen by man, Trying to become the image of who you think I am. And when I can not attain creation of this pseudo self, My thoughts spiral downward-thinking I’m not well. I wonder if I’m flawed and what you might have seen? Was there something in my soul, something about me? And then a moment of levity brings a smile to my face. Was the ending of this relationship perhaps a moment of grace? Was this a man I liked or was it just the idea? Did I dress him up in attributes and create what was not real? Was this man simply a teacher, saying it’s really not about him. That I create my reality and the world in which I live. I fabricate beliefs that a man completes my soul. I construct the idea that with you I could be whole. And if it is I that give you power, I can take it back. Perhaps your path leading elsewhere does not reflect my lack. Perhaps I was blessed that our journey once did cross- Truth is all is well-it is illusion that speaks of loss. 12/23/10 |