Reese Witherspoon on Mars

        ch-neeeerk...click wirlt!

        The Martian land rover treads stick in the hot spring bank.
        "Oh? Ah hello? I think I'm stuck." Reese anxiously calls the
        Russian/NASA space station orbiting Mars.
        "It is good.. try reverse." the Russian cosmonaut responds.
        Mrs. Witherspoon edges slowly back from the hot sand.
        "My agent said this would jump start my career. Are we on
        cable?" she whimpers. "Oh? Da. I mean yes. Everyone is watching
        you. You are famous!" the cosmonaut munches on a burger.
        "Now, put the robot hand into the sand and seal cap on can."
        he pauses to swallow, "Please and thank you."

            "You'd think someone would have trained me on this buggy?"
        Reese mutters to herself as the robot arm does precisely what
        was asked of it. "Wow! That was easy." she giggles.
        "Okay. Good. We need to see all around; turn camera all around.
        Thank you." he bites a french fry. "I wish I could have some of what
        your eating." she responds. The camera makes a clicking noise
        as it turns 360 degrees.

       
            "Good. You will return to your boot.. ah.. vessel." the Russian
        answers. The buggy spins about and begins its route back to the
        rocket that landed it. Reese looks about the Martian landscape.
        "This sure is a tiny buggy. How'd I fit in here?" she queries.
        "Yeah. Very good. Now lock into recovery vessel." the Russian
        responded. The recover vessel is golden and polished.
        Reese shreeks at her reflection. She can see the spider like buggy
        and her head in jar on top. "What the hell is going on?! Where's my
        body?!" she sobs. "Yes. It is up here. We will reattach it. You must
        launch now to join satellite return vessel." Reese is sobbing loudly,
        but the buggy responds and launches.

            "O.K. I'm a 35 year old actress in a jar. (sniffling and blubbering)
        I want my body back!" she rants as her capsule reunites with the orbiting
        satellite ship. There is no one there. "Poopy! Am I the only person here?"
        Reese rants and looks about. "I am Elmar. Hello." the cosmonaut's
        head is above her, sealed in a jar in the ceiling of the satellite ship.
        "Elmar. I want to know why my head was put here!" Reese glares at
        the smiling cosmonaut. "Your agent said it would boost your popularity."
        he laughed. "I don't think this is funny Elmar." Reese looked away and
        bumped her head on her jar. "I'm an actor! Not a guinea pig!" she cursed.
        "It will be good for you. Your body is in cryogenics. Many people
        watched your surgery. They will watch you again .. When your head
        is reattached... You are very famous." Elmar smiled and hit the booster
        rockets. "I better not have a scar!" she grumbled, "God how many ways
        can I be screwed over?"

           
            The ship returned to the lunar base and Mrs Witherspoon was
        rejoined to her body. "Be sure to keep that neck brace on. It will
        be sometime before you can turn your neck." Doctor Muzzy said.
        Reese's electric wheel chair moved slowly down the hall to the
        space shuttle terminal. She pushed a lever with her right hand to
        direct the chair. "I'll kill him." she cursed her agent and sipped
        some Tang through a straw attached to a bottle connected to the chair.
        "Don't worry. I've massaged and cleaned your body. It should be
        as good as new." Muzzy answered and adjusted her head support.
        "Great." Reese sighed and sipped.


        :)