Understanding The Worst

Have you ever felt anything stronger then first love? Anything more Incessant? You know the love I'm talking about, right? Have you met anything deeper?

It was September 3rd, 1935 in germany. I can still remember the day my friends introduced me to Christian. A knowing smile spread across his lips as he greeted me with his deep tenor voice. I knew the moment my eyes met his electrifying blue ones that we were destined to be together.

After this first introduction, the rest was history. I began to spend more and more time with him, and thought of him on a daily basis. We talked about anything and everything, and I found myself growing fonder and fonder of him as the days passed. His every move mystified me. His humor and charm kept me on the edge of my seat, and I wanted nothing more then for him to feel for me, as I did for him.

One lazy day as we strolled down the street, he looked at me intently, opened his mouth to speak, and then stopped himself. I gave him a curious look, and after moments of awkward silence he turned to me and said, "I like you, Julia." Before I had a chance to answer, he leaned over and kissed me. It was soft and perfect, the kind of kiss you dream about. After waiting so long, I was finally reassured of my feelings. My cheeks turned a rosy pink and I became weak in the knees, but I mustered all the confidence I could and kissed him back. His hand brushed mine, sending tingles up my arm. "Yes" I thought. "This is what love feels like."

After that fateful day, nothing was the same. Friends began referring to us as a pair, and those slow perfect kisses happened much more frequently. We'd go on romantic evenings out, and spoke of our future together. Christian was my constant reminder of all the good in the world, and I felt I couldn't live without him. He was my best friend and I confided in him with everything. We were perfect together.

The time eventually came for him to meet my parents. I invited him over for my family's hanukah celebration, and all went smoothly. Christian was his usual charming self, and my two small sisters and parents adored him. After dinner, as we were kissing goodbye, he held me close and whispered, " I love you. " for the very first time. He spoke with such sincerity I almost couldn't comprehend what he was saying. I looked right into his eyes and whispered, " I love you, too. " With that he tilted my head upwards for one last kiss goodbye, and I felt my life couldn't get any better.

A few days later, Christians face was a pale ghastly white. He looked at me with pain in his eyes, and explained that he and his family were moving, and we had only a week left together. I let out a small terrified whimper and buried my face into his chest. I cried and cried, until I could cry no more. My whole world was crashing before me and I could do nothing about it. I suddenly felt I was suffocating. I trembled and shook, and with a slight stutter, I rasped, " I ne-need to get some air. " With that, I sped towards the door, and broke into a sprint down the lit cobble stone road. I ran in the cool dark night until my feet could take no more.

A week later, Christian and I kissed for the last time. He whispered one last, " I love you. " and that was the end of it. I felt I would never see the Christian I knew and loved ever again. I was right in more ways then I could ever imagine.

Years later, I heard a knock on the door to my hiding spot. It was 1943, and I'd been hiding from the Nazis, who wished to whisk me away to a concentration camp, where I would never see my family or friends again. I'd spent years in hiding, and the only things keeping me going were my memories and hopes.

The door to my hiding spot opened, and to my surprise, I was greeted by the electrifying blue eyes I'd missed for so long. " This can't be happening" I thought to myself. " It's been to long." But their he stood, in the flesh. " Is that you, Julia? " he whispered.

" Christian? How did you find me? How did you know? " I asked.
" Oh Julia, I'm so glad you're here. I've wondered for so long what had happened to you. "
" I don't understand, why are you here? " I asked a little hurt. Why couldn't he have found me sooner?
" I'm here to take you away, Julia. Come with me. We'll go far, far away, somewhere where no one will find you. I promise. Please, trust me. I love you so much. " he pleaded.
I looked at him and smiled, " Of course I'll go with you Christian, I love you. I love you more then anything. " I said, smiling.

Christian and I agreed to meet at the market down the corner, where he would be waiting and ready with fake Identification and a car. I still couldn't believe it. After all these years, my dreams were coming true. Me and Christian. Me and Christian! I knew it was insane, but I also recognized it as the blessing it was.

I saw him before he saw me the next day. He stood at the corner, looking anxiety ridden and frigid, in a gray Nazi uniform. I foolishly assumed it was a costume, all a part of our elaborate plan, used to make him look less suspicious. I figured he looked so different because of nerves. Yes, it must be. Of course he's nervous. He cared about me and doesn't want anything bad to happen. As I approached him, and saw that his frigid expression wasn't changing, I knew I was wrong.

Their was a moment. Their was a moment where Christian and I looked deep into each others eyes, his filled with evil and hatred, mine with confusion and realization. These weren't the eyes of the man I had grown to love, these were the eyes of a coward. The evil eyes of a man thirsty for blood, one who thrives on pain. I didn't even recognize them.

A fellow soldier came up from behind me and grabbed me, followed by Christian. This time his hands didn't send tingles up my arm, they sent waves of repulsing disgust. This man was a stranger. They shoved me into a car, and as I was driven towards my demise, I turned to catch one last glimpse of the man I lost. He mouthed the words, " Goodbye Julia. " And I knew that would be the last time I saw him.

Christian, Have you ever felt anything stronger then first love? Anything more Incessant? You know the love I'm talking about, right? Have you met anything deeper? I have; it's called understanding.

I love you, still.