What matters?

I'm a completely different person,
A completely new soul,
I must admit with out your love,
My heart is rather cold,

My life has been wrung around,
So strangely turned to dust,
Eyes, disguise, and all of it turned to lies,
I'm completely outraged with disgust,

Though it’s known as change,
I'm feeling less endowed,
Everything is opposites,
Went from quiet girl to loud,

I'm hating the new faces,
Though I’ve tried so hard to love,
Everything’s so frustrating,
I’m ready to blow up,

I'm sick and tired of people,
sharing is so overrated,
though I’m trying to be kindly,
its something that’s debated,

I’m frustrated and so obligated,
to much to think and do,
go so amazingly enraged,
I shouted ‘ were through’,

Now even though its over,
and everything is shattered,
at least you know how hard I tried,
to keep you from what mattered,

I’m tired of favors,
those little things that seemed so easy,
before all of these big things,
seemed so little and measly,

now I know a secret,
my heart was thinking quickly,
before my mind even knew,
I guess its hard to tell you,
I was only protecting you,

All the sorrys and apologies,
are reminding me throughoutly,
that my hearts choice was best,
even though I love you,
all I’m going through would lead it to distress,

you told me once a secret
an interesting numbered rule,
the numbers 20-80,
do they ring a bell with you?

I tried to follow you closely,
but soon realized unhappily,
that normally what I do,
I’m not good enough for you,

an 80 was a number,
I tried so hard to be,
I never really noticed,
that I was not one-in-infinity,

Though I love and miss you,
my new one is fulfilling,
keeping me out of stress,
its not entirely removed my hurting,

im not sure if your believing me,
just remember and please trust,
I have a real reason,
not to show you lust,

even though I’ll love many more,
and hopefully you too,
know in your heart how much I did,
and always will love you.