When Death encounters "stupidity"

Play/Script written by: Jessica Lynn Smith
One scene out of the play:

scene starts: (May 5) with a Ditsy Cheerleader named Amanda coming home after a football game. She is currently now on the Train. While on her way home she run's into "Death". The black-cloaked man, he is the personification of death. if you ever have a encounter him you know what that should mean. He comes for every person at sometime in their life's, with an hourglass in hand, waiting for the last grain of sand to fall. When your hourglass runs out. he'll then collect your soul with a well-practiced cut of his razor-sharp blade.
Amanda the Cheerleader is Blasting Brittney spears in her ear while humming or singing the tunes to herself. In the background death is watching her ( the Audience can hear the Ominous music playing in the Background).Death starts to approach Amanda (ominous music gets louder as he Glides closer and closer) Few seconds later Amanda spin's around with her arms spread wide out (She's dancing to the music). Accidentally Slugging Death right in the face which utterly throws him off guard. Amanda then proceeds to start talking to "Death".

Amanda: (ominous music stops) AHHHHHHHH! oh I'm so sorry mister. I totally didn't see you there. Are you okay mister?

Death: I'm Death and Your time has come. (say's in a evil tone with a evil laughter following after)

Amanda: HA HA that's a Funny name mister. And it time for what? I'm A little confused, sorry. And that totally didn't answer my question i just asked you. Here I'll Ask it again. Are___ you ___okay___ Mister?

Death: Ugh you Mindless Mortal or anthropoid in your case. I'm Death not "MISTER". I live in the Underworld, And I'm here to take your soul. I'm also a Psychopomp. Which means for you Stupid mortal that I will guide your soul to the afterlife. And don't worry you see this Scythe here In my hand. It's all i need to Finish you......... (Ominous music starts playing again as he starts to raise the Scythe up slowly. when he is just about to Wack her silly to death. Death is then rudely interrupted by Amanda. Which once again throws him off and he lowers his Scythe)

Amanda: Uhhhh stop with big words there so not my thing, i swear it was like you were speaking a foreign language. but Anyways doesn't my hair look Fabulous i hope Jake noticed me at the football game tonight. I mean he has a girlfriend which she is like my best friend. but I'm Prettier then her, more athletic, and I'm king of hoping he'll ask me to prom. then we could date and he could leave her (daydreams for a moment) . But if i don't lose weight he'll never want to ask me out. I' mean guys just don't like Curves duh. So i went on this new diet that guarantee's one Hundred Percent Weight lost. It"s What all the popular kids are doing now... It's called "The Starvation diet". I've lost four pounds in the last three days (she says while bobbing her head from side to side) But I'm always Hungry (Act like your stupid) Oh well... it's totally paying off.

Death: Touching Story, But I'm Afraid your life ends tonight. So enough with this nonsense!!! ( Ominous music starts playing...Death begins to rise his Scythe Again and before he could make the final Blow. Amanda Reaches her hands out and Proceeds to snatch his Scythe right out of his hand. She then skips to the other side of the Train where there's a open window right across from her.)

Amanda: (skipping) *humming*

Death: (begin to glide slowly towards her with ominous music playing again) Hey Give that Back I....

Amanda: Stop right there "Death" or I'll through your thing-E out this window.( she says while dangling Deaths Scythe near the window) Okay?? (in a louder tone) Okay???

Death: (Death nods his head; and a powerless tone says) Okay

Amanda: Don't worry mister! Uh i meant to say Death. Sorry about that. But Don't worry I'll give it back to you. I'm so not the stealing type. But for some reason i always get my Hannah Montana Pens stolen from me in math class. but don't worry it always Magically appears back on my desk at the end off class (say's with a sincere smile). Anyways i just wanted to play with your thing-E . it's so shinny at the tip. ( she pauses for a moment to admire the Scythe.Death then try's to approach her again. she see's him in the corner of her eye which Catches her attention)

Amanda: Hey...... Hey...( Death is still gliding towards her Slowly. She then the holds the Scythe up to the window Again) Hey... Hey Death i thought i told your filthy and Distasteful Monstrous stinky butt to stay over there (point to a spot on the other side of the train) Or i would throw this Thing-E out the window.

Death: It's Called a Scythe ( He say's in a irritated voice)

Amanda: Uh yeah like i Said This thing-E (she says while dangling it near the window once again) Why are you so eager to have your thing-e back. I already told you i just want to look at it. I'll give it back i promise ( she Say's with a Sweet innocent Smile)

Death: (once again nods his head) Alright, but can i please have my precious Scythe back soon? (he say's in painstakingly, anxious voice)

Amanda: PRECIOUS? lol you totally sounded like that dude from Lord of the Ring... Uh (pause for a moment) Gollum. Yeah that's his name. He's also a filthy and Distasteful Monstrous butt just like you. Are you and him Friends By any Chance?

Death: ( looks at her Stupidly) No!

Amanda: ohhhhh What a Shame i bet you guys would get along well together.

Death: (mutters under his breath to himself) If he was Actually a Real Person you Dumb Tard!

Amanda: Huh What did you Say? i couldn't quite hear you...(confused Dazed look)

Death: Oh i was just talking to myself

Amanda: You really shouldn't do that Death. People might think your Crazy.

Death: (sarcastic voice) Oh Really. Thanks for the wonderful advise Amanda.

Amanda: No Problem. Always like to help a Friend out. And your in need of a lot . have you ever had a manicure or pedicure?

Death: No, I'm Death. I don't sleep, eat or do anything human's do.

Amanda: Oh what a Shame... you have no idea what your missing.

Death: I think i can Manage without.

Amanda: If you say so. But Honestly when was the last time you had a shower? you reek of old rotten eggs and a dead deer. And please don't ask how i would know that.

Death: I don't take showers. I'm Death Remember? But look this conversation is getting old, i think we're done talking. Why don't you give me Back my Scythe and I'll promise to grant you one wish. ( he say's while playing with his hands)Yeah.... that's right a wish( he say's with a evil laugh)

Amanda: You promise?

Death: YES! i promise. I would never lie! (evil laugh) (starts to glide towards her again)

Amanda: Hey wait just a Sec....(Death stops, and she hold the Scythe up to the window) so if you can grant any wish. could you grant me more then one..... please??? (jumping up and down begging)

Death: yes of course( complete lie, he can grant wishes but she doesn't know that)

Amanda: Awesome ( she then proceed to pull out a long list that drops down to the floor) I knew someday this list would come in handy. That why i carry it everywhere i go. ( she says with a grin)

Death: (sighs) Oh my gosh.........

Amanda: Oh don't worry i have more list at home, but will get to them later. (smiles) well lets see what on my list first..........Number one i want a car

Death: Okay can i now have my..............

Amanda: ( interrupts Death) But wait not just any car. I want a silver Mercedes Benz with pink interior inside. and i want my plate in the front to say "Cutie pie". Okay?

Death: Got it no problem, Is that all?

Amanda: well yeah that's all i want for the car... Now on to other stuff...

Death: (sighs)....

Amanda: Let see...... i want a new puppy, I'm bored with the one i got now. But i really really really!! want that new Gucci Bag you know the one with woven leather trim and tassels with metal G details.oh and Gucci's new high heel platform sandal's...... you know the one with metal stud detail...and i also want the side tie shorts with detachable bamboo buckles. Oh i just know Jake would love me in those Shorts(day dreams about Jake)..... That's if me and him ever go out. What if he doesn't even like me? (despondent face). (thinks for a moment, then say's with whimsical voice toward death) Hey death could you possibly put a spell on him that makes him like me?

Death: Yes (lies again) ( mutters under his breath) Even though it would take more then a spell for him to tolerate you.

Amanda: Wonderful It seems like everything is going to workout in my favor. Can't Wait!

Death: (irritated voice) Is that all for now?

Amanda: uh yeah, and then I'll tell you more of what I want later.

Death: Well Amanda...Then I think it's time....

(She interrupt's him again)

Amanda: Gosh Death i can see we're going to be like totally best friends forever. (she turns her back from death and continues to talk. Death see's a open opportunity to sneak up on her and snatch the Scythe right out of her blind hand.ominous music began to start playing.... that's when he begins to glide slowly towards her, while she blathers away ) Can't wait for us to embark on so many new adventures together. We can go shopping ... Cause i hate to tell you Death you wear way to much black. You really do need some color in your wardrobe. It might make you a happier person and more approachable. Oh yeah and about taking showers... your going to have to start as soon as possible. Cause me and you totally are not hangout if you're going to smell like that.
(Amanda then turns around with the Scythe in two hands. but she did not know that death had sneaked up right behind her. But that old Death Wasn't Quick enough. when she had turned around with that Scythe in two hands, she accidentally slice's Death in half. He cascade to the floor of the train. Death lays on the floor immobile. the train finally comes to Amanda's stop.)

Amanda: I'm so sorry death. (she pokes him but he doesn't flinch or move at all) Man this suck... so much for the wishes you promised me. oh well But i have to go this is my stop ( she throws the Scythe on top off Death) i do believe this is yours. i promised i would give it back to you.. see i kept my promise. (then she skips to head to the door. while singing again)