Journey Class 2009-2010

Honestly what do you say about a trip like the one I just went on? I can say so much really. It is, for me, a once in a life time opportunity and experience. I am fairly certain I will not be on another trip like this ever again.
This trip took a group of troubled people and one by one we found peace. This peace was not only within us but with our lives as well. We all changed, I know that for a fact, everyone came out of this trip a different person than when they went in. A ton of us showed up to leave for the trip as rude, self-centered, ass holes, but by the last day almost everyone broke down and cried as humble understanding people.
For me, I came troubled. I did things that I do regret. My life had been tough and I hated my past and the things that happened to me along the way. To be honest I hated myself as a person, I didn’t care if I died or lived another day. I had been depressed for three years then came out of it the beginning of this year. However before this trip I felt like I was slipping back down into that depression again. I was losing myself again and the people close to me saw that. The day we left I can honestly say I did not even know who I was anymore. At that point I saw this journey trip and thought it would be a chance to leave the area and just get away. . .far away. So I went.
The first day was travel in the van. I enjoyed it because the van consisted of mainly people from seventh hour journey, so I knew who they were and we could talk and joke together comfortably. We sat around, chatting, waiting, slightly bored and tired from the long car ride. Only a few people in my van had been on the trip before, the rest of us were all first timers and had no clue what would happen or even what to expect out of the trip.
That night we arrived and set up the campsite. Most of the girls had no clue how to set up a tent. Luckily I had been dating a climbing Nazi so he made sure I knew the basics for the trip. We all organized our site and went to a place called base camp. That was basically right next to the boy’s tents. We had a discussion by a fire and the first family made dinner. We picked who would make the meals and when using games with pieces of lumber and numbers written on people’s hands. Then was attitude of gratitude, we all stated what we were thankful for that day. Everyone ate and went to the tents.
Morning came and my family made breakfast. The anchor crew was already gone. The rest of the camp ate, and cleaned up, and then we went as a group to Shovel’s Point for our first day of climbing. We got up there and were already a bit tired from lack of sleep and the hike up. I looked out at Lake Superior and the view was unlike anything I have ever seen before, yet I was instantly terrified. I was close to the edge with an intense fear of heights. As the day went on I sucked up my fear and went out closer. By the end of that day I was back up belaying.
The anchor crew took off and only a few people stayed back to help out, I stayed. Then my friend Giant got hurt on the board walk. I finally got to camp much later than the bulk of the camp and was sent back for the attitude of gratitude stick. That night I didn’t sleep. This may have been partially to do with the fact that my part of the tent had been set on a stump, which was right under my head.
The next morning was time for a new mountain, Mystical Mountain, I was on anchor crew. This was a true test for me, mainly physically but mentally as well. Even with my knee braces on, my knees felt dead and painful. When I did make it to the top I can’t even begin to describe how relieved and amazed at what I had just done.
It was a personal achievement. I had been told four years earlier I had killed my knees from figure skating, gymnastics, horse racing, and horse jumping at a young age. They suggested surgery and I said that I would be taking my chances until the day comes where I could not even bare the pain or walk. They then estimated my knees to be around equivalent to eighty year olds knees, and I wouldn’t be walking long at the rate I was going. That was four years ago. Though my problem knees are always a challenge it is one of my biggest secrets, only a few friends know about them. I hide knee wraps under my jeans at school on bad days and I avoid limping at all costs. I have and always will view pain as a weakness so I don’t like people knowing about it. Yet, this was obviously a huge accomplishment for me, and even if it was only I who knew why, that was enough for me.
At lunch that day the rest of the camp had packed nine too few lunches and forgot snacks for most of the anchor crew. I didn’t care too much; I am used to not eating a whole lot anyway, so I skipped it. After the climbing the anchor crew cleaned up the site and sat at the top of the mountain and talked. Everyone else had left to the parking lot a mile away to wait for us to return. After we had our talk we descended to meet the others and head to our camp home.
The next morning I woke up feeling sick. Later I learned I was dehydrated and had a fever and sore throat on top of it. That day was pretty much shot for me. I got to sit around. Then it got cold and I was frozen. The day was rough but I still wouldn’t have changed a thing. We walked back that day in the dark. It was really neat; I love the night more than anytime of day, it was the last day of climbing. The days had gone by surprisingly quick, it shocked me.
That night I went to bed without eating, I felt really sick; I went to the tent and was out like a rock. I woke up the next morning at six. I got dressed and went to base camp. I sat there for about an hour and a half, alone, no one but I was up. I sat on a picnic bench listening to the birds, the wind, and watching the sun slowly light up our camp. I took time to just sit and think, something I never have the time for in the real world. I have school and three jobs. However, it was my time, so I sat and thought about my life. It hit me that I would go back happier, a different person, I was at peace with myself for the first time in a very long time.
At seven-thirty in the morning a friend woke up said hi and went back to bed, and then Mr. Wasserburger woke up. We got the fire going and the camp going a little bit. Since I was up before everyone else he gave me a task to do. I was to make the bracelets. When a few friends woke up they helped me burn the ends of the cord. I made fifty-five regular ones and five oversized bracelets which Kim showed me how to tie off. I enjoyed it, it was a peaceful task and it just helped to keep me calm.
The camp woke up and we had breakfast and left for the waterfall. The trip there was a much easier walk than all the other days. I was shocked at how much my fear of heights had vanished upon walking over the rickety old metal bridge over the top of the falls. I walked over it as it bounced and even looked down at the water bellow and only felt slightly uncomfortable about what I was doing. We got there and once again I had time to sit and think. I thought while sitting on a rock and watched the water flow down the falls and past me on my rock in the river. It was beautiful there, I loved it, and it kept me calm still. I had no clue that I was capable of being happy for this long.
We went back for the final camp fire discussion. This one was called Cedar Circle. Mr. Wasserburger started it off with him singing and playing guitar and harmonica. Mr. Wasserburger I have to tell you, I had no clue that you had that talent. You should do some singing locally; I have never seen you that happy throughout the whole year in which I have known you. You have talent that is for sure, no doubt about that.
We then began sharing our blessings with the camp. I was humbled by some of the group’s stories. I could relate to some of them, and I felt their pain. Yet, in that circle before they burned their peace of cedar I could tell that, that was their moment to let go of the pain and burden that they have been holding for who knows how long. One story in particular that I will never forget is the story that Mr. Wilhelm told. I won’t ever repeat what anyone said out there, I feel it is their business and no one else’s to share. I feel blessed to have shared in their moments of trust when they shared their stories with the whole group. Then they let go, they were free, finally.
When my turn came I had prepared what I was going to say but I have issues with public speaking and suddenly my mind went blank and I was at a loss for words. I tried my best and burned my cedar. Basically my blessing was the fact that during the trip I finally let go of my past, what happened, what I did to myself because I hated myself, everything. I let go, I felt free, and I needed it. I promised to change, I knew I was different, I feel stronger mentally.
Now post Tettegouche I am proud to say I have continued to remain in a strong enough state of mind to keep my past in the past. Yes my life is slowly going back to how it was before the trip. Full of stress, overwhelmed, too much to do and not enough hours in the day to do them, it is my life, what could I really expect? There is no way to avoid it coming back. Yet, I haven’t let it take over the new me. I am keeping a good head on me, I keep my emotions in check, and I am not being self destructive like before. The trip changed me and I hope to stay this way for as long as I can.
The only thing I have to say now is thank you. Thank you to everyone who made this trip possible. Thank you for the chance to meet new people and the friends I made from this trip. One new friend in particular was Franny, a quiet girl, yet once I got to know her she turned out to be an amazingly kind person, shy but a true friend. I wish that girl luck; look out for her for me since this is my last year at Lakeland. Thank you for giving me the chance to change. Thank you for giving me a fresh start. Without this opportunity I would have been heading in the wrong direction once again. I also want to thank Mrs. Olson who I was sent to by two teachers before the trip. She gave me a different look at counselors in general. Before my discussion with her I had never trusted people with that job. She gave me a chance to see it was alright to talk about my life to those I trust, the few I trust. Thank you all. I will never forget what happened on the trip.