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Prologue

Love is a funny thing. It can be the basis of human existence, and at the same time it can be the reason for the destruction of the universe. It’s the feeling that every human craves and the word that most people forget to say. But do you want to know what the most ironic thing about love is? Its the only feeling that can cause sanity and insanity to coincide in one persons heart at the same time.

Chapter One

                   I could hear the faint sound of my alarm clock going off in the near distance.  Knowing that this meant the start of a new day, I reluctantly reached out my arm in attempt to have five minutes of silence before the day officially started and I had to get ready for school.  The coldness of the table I was touching surprised me and suddenly I became aware of how soft the noise of the alarm was today. Feeling a bit uneasy, I opened my eyes slowly, preparing for the blaring sunlight that would definitely be waiting for me. That was when everything clicked, I did it again. Somehow during the night, I must have dragged myself into my closet and fell asleep. I don’t really have an explanation for why I do it, it just happens, without me even knowing its happening. It started when I was about seven, right after my parent’s divorce. I would wake up in on the floor of my closet with a pillow under my head. I never told anyone about it, especially my parents. They already had enough to deal with back then.

                   As I opened  the door, the piercing sound of the alarm and the blinding sunlight hit me all at once like a ton of bricks. Now I was rushing towards my night stand, eyes closed and arms flailing around looking desperately for the button that would ease the noise. After five minutes of my arm hitting everything else but the snooze button it became clear that, I went to close my blinds. Unconvinced that a piece of cloth would be able to block the sun I decided to put my sunglasses on. Fortunately it had been one of the items I hit while trying to turn off my alarm so I had a good idea of where on the floor it was and could pick it up without opening my eyes. This was when I noticed my mother at my bedroom door looking at me, smiling. It was the first time I’ve seen her smile since she found out my dad was getting married two weeks ago.  I don’t know how long we we’re looking at each other before she broke the silence and said “Breakfast is ready sweetie”.

                   I stepped out of my room and headed for the washroom to get ready.  I didn’t turn on the lights, instead I felt my way around the room towards the shower. The warm water that was now falling on me like raindrops woke me up and now I was remembering that I had a science test first period.  Suddenly I was doing everything faster, while trying to go over the periodic table of elements in my head which only resulted in my shower lasting ten minutes longer than it should have. I've never been good at multi-tasking. When I stepped out of the shower I wrapped my towel tightly around my body and pushed my hair to one side.  When I turned on the lights, I felt myself cringe at my reflection. The girl in the mirror is what I feared the most. I have never been the most beautiful girl in the room, but I wasn’t ugly either. Average was the word most used when describing me, and standing in front of the mirror with only my towel protecting me I could see why. My dark brown hair was drenched and water droplets were falling onto the ceramic flooring of the bathroom.  My hair reached just past the middle of my back.  My eyes we’re the exact color of my hair and my skin was clear except for a few freckles here and there.  Like I said, there’s nothing special about my appearance. I grabbed a comb from the basket beside and the skin and quickly ran it through my hair till I was sure there were no tangles left. Before leaving the bathroom to change, I checked my weight on the scale, this was the moment that would decide my mood. If I gained weight, eating would be irrelevant for the next couple of days. One might think that these conditions were harsh or even over dramatic, but to me they were necessary. Getting to the perfect weight and being able to flaunt perfect body was everything to me, and I knew that I would stop at nothing to get there. I finally stepped off the scale, then on, the off. This is what I would do every time I got this kind of result. The not-changing one.



I decided on