Because Of Her (breaking.. Part 3)

Because Of Her {breaking.. Part 3} (04/06/10)

She lent on me too much.
I watched her fall,
And break into pieces.
I watched her destroy herself,
With the drugs and the booze.
I watched my own mother disappear,
Just like the happiness.
I went on and acted like everything was okay.
Cause only she could see the tears through my eyes,
And i still wonder why i hid it.
Cause she wasn't even looking
But i knew,
Somewhere,
Deep inside,
I had too stay strong.
For us,
For her.
I could hear her sobs,
And i felt the pain.
All the hits,
And all the tears,
Made me build my own walls.
I never wanted to fall,
Like she did.
I made a silent promise.
To never put myself,
In that position.
To never trust,
Never love,
Never let anyone else in.

Now i'm older,
Smarter.
And i blame her for all the pain.
For leaning on me,
When i was so young.
And my walls are strong,
But inside i'm weak.
So i hug myself,
And try to hold on,
Try to stop myself from falling apart.
Old wounds never heal,
And old ways never die.
Forever and always i put on a brave front.
And only behind closed doors,
I let the pain seep through,
I let myself go.
Its all because of her.
The pain i felt,
The tears i shed,
The loneliness,
And the fear.
What happened then,
Made me who i am now.

This is the main reason why i do what i do,
When i was little older than a baby,
I heard it all..
When i was old enough to understand,
I never let my tears fall.
But now i do,
And i'm stuck with an obsession
To experience pain,
Scissors,
Razors,
Knifes,
Anything that'll let me open a vein.
All of this isn't worth it,
It isn't worth living
I'm broken too deeply.
And its all because of her.