Hey Libido,...Where are you?

My experience with a lazy libido started two weeks after my son was born. I had such a good labor so something was bound to go wrong, right? Well, I was so excited about having had such a great labor and delivery with my first son, I thought to myself, "hey, that wasn't so bad. I could do that again." Two weeks later I had a dream that my husband wanted to make-love. I was excited that he was still attracted to me after what he had just seen. So we got all into the motions and panting, then it hit me, it was too soon. I made him get off of me and went to take a pregnancy test. I was pregnant, AGAIN! NO! I started to cry rivers of tears, asking my husband how could he do this to me. I woke up weeping, and the hunt for my libido began. 

Many times I thought that is was just my episotomy that may have caused me to start to be so distant during his playful request for affection. Then it became apparent to the both of us that we had a challenge staring us in the face. I didn't know what to do. We tried fantasy cards. Its a game where you pick something racy to do out of a stack of chance cards and act it out. It was more funny than romantic. He was starting to lose patience, and so was I, but instead of being understanding I started to build a wall of defiance. Everything he said I was against. Every attempt to be romantic I blocked. Every opportunity to be pampered I would pretend to go to sleep. I had started a cycle that would continue for four years without effort.

I went to the doctor, because I was concerned. I had had an IUD placed in my uterus 5 months after my son's birth to prevent my dream from coming to life. Mood swings were becoming familiar affairs with a mirror of who I used to be and who I had become. I was worried that my marriage was slowly tearing at the seams and eventually coming to a halting end because of a lack of sexual commitment. Don't get me wrong, I am initimate with my husband but not like a loving wife should be. Have you ever known someone to just lie there like a deer after being hit by a truck, no real movement just a tick every 5 to 10 minutes. Well, that's me. Jane Doe. I don't even like to use the term MAKING LOVE. Sometimes saying the word makes me burn inside. Sad, I know.  I have tried pills, I have tried marriage counseling, and I have tried even imaging famous people. I even exercise. None of them do the trick for long. I have even read books on how to be more pleasing and just plain old nice to my husband. No luck.

At this point my husband thinks I hate him so I am pressured to constantly tell him he's the only one for me. It's true, I don't want to have sex with anybody. I have come to one last solution before deciding on divorce, getting the IUD removed. I can't think of anything else I could do to fix this problem. I would end this with a lesson to learn, but I am not because I am yet to find the solution for myself. I just wanted you to know if you're going through the samething, you're not crazy, you're just challenged. Sexually challenged. So research, research, research. Enjoy, I have been studying for four years on and off.