Random Reminisces

It's been over a year now and I'm trying to break the habit. Now however, my thoughts have turned from vengeance and a new sensation has taken hold. I have a hope for the future, an urge to do what is right. I can't get rid of the system I hated for so long, so why not use it to my advantage and enhance my life? One simple person cannot change everything alone, but if he chooses his interactions widely he can spread a message to those he meets and one by one, build an army. These words I speak were once spoken with hatred. Now it is a love for my fellow beings who drive me for embetterment in a way I can only describe as somewhat devine; even if coming just from myself.

I've went from being a user, to being used, to just plain being done with the power we give to earthly possessions; if we ever truly possess them. In the past couple years, I did not know how to live. In the past three months, I have seen myself make tremendous leaps and bounds in maturity and I have started to apply the things I have learned. Of all the lessons I have learned, I find this lesson key: You can hate with all your heart, and work for destruction; but if you embrace that which comes along you further your power by spreading the message that is your life in the sinews of the relationships we build.

I shall take this last paragraph of my reminisce to let this flow

I am tired of sitting back and watching you destroy yourself. I will make the promise to myself that I can stop myself from hurting, I just wish I could give you the gifts of knowledge and maturity that have come to me the two years difference between us. I knew earlier today that the sincere adourous feelings I finally let you see are making some head-way in dissolving the mystery that surrounds you. Of all the problems you go through, I would gladly give you even a sliver of the joy that just the thought of being with you brings me to get through a lifetime of the sorrow you feel. If I could hold you in my arms for just a night, to cuddle underneath the stars and nibble at each other; I could honestly say that I would be in a state of near-nirvana. But the past still plagues me, and the remaining issues I cannot cope with deny me the courage to find out if it's just another one of my stupid years-old pipe-dreams or if what I feel is true. Just know this: we did good taking things slow that day, but the rush slowed the whole process down altogether and I wish I never would have brought it around. Do you honestly feel for me or was that but a guarantee that I would spin circles for you with just a texted nibble of the most-lovely black-winged angel I want to hold from flying away.