Never Meant To..

Word Count = 996

It had been years since we'd separated. Linda and I are no longer even called friends. We have this invisible boundary on each other’s side, which neither of us are allowed to step over. Although, we aren’t an item anymore, and even though we aren’t friends, the feelings I have for her are still as strong as ever. I tried to flush it all away, but it just won’t go. Those feelings are stuck in me like glue. Sometimes, it makes me wonder what should I do with all of them. Up till now, I still couldn’t find a clue and so I let it be.

Yes, without a doubt, it hurts to know that she finds comfort from another, rather than me. I'm the one who is still in love with her, but I must and I needed to move on, and so I did carrying this bag full of feelings buried deep in my heart just for her.

I can never forget her special day, since the day we first celebrated her birthday together. I remembered how much effort I went through saving up and planning a big time birthday treat for her. It was romantically a blast, we were away on a beautiful island, just the two of us, with a private dinner. Our room was lit up with scented candles. Rose petals and shimmer sprinkled everywhere. The mood seemed almost heavenly as the light from the candles cast shadowy shapes against the walls and highlighted her beautiful face, her beautiful brown eyes as they looked at me. There was warmth in her smile, showing appreciation for my every effort. She knew I was no romantic genius, and I am a sucker at showing my emotions, and for me to go through all those trouble just for her was a moment to be remembered forever.

As time went by, things between us got chaotic. While I was fighting the battle deep within myself, she always thought my love for her was fading away. I tried many times to convince her that it was not so, but I couldn’t. Things got worse and became ugly that. It became unbearable and so I needed to see her go, not because I stopped loving her, but because I was loving her more and more. I got frightened at my own confidence to carry on the journey of love.

Her birthday surprises became more and more invisible as years went by when my life was slowly going down the drain. Every time I tried harder, I will fail. No longer could I see that beautiful smile like she had during the first year we celebrated together. All I wanted was to make her happy and especially on her special day, which she chose to spend it with me.

I don’t understand why I couldn’t keep up with my own pace in love. I just couldn’t, and desperately needed to go and I couldn’t bear to see another tear trickle down that sweet face that I love with all my heart. I made a vow and programmed it in my mind that I shall never forget her special day ever in my life, even if after we part. It will be an important date to remember for as long as I live.

Recently, two months before her special day we connected again, not as friends, more like acquaintances. Every day of the month I practiced and I tried to gather all my courage to ask her out again for old time sake, for her birthday. I was afraid of getting rejected with all the bad memories she had. Time flew by so fast and soon it was two weeks before her birthday, and I still did not have the courage to ask. I waited and I waited, and was so nervous I was biting my nails, and had this knot in my stomach.

My intention was sincere with nothing hidden underneath. I just wanted to make up for the wrongs I had done in the past. I was overwhelmed at her recent gentleness and sweetness. Desperately felt that I needed to make it up to her on her special day.
Suddenly, exactly thirty hours and forty-five minutes before that day, I got a call from my boss telling me about some urgent work assignment. The boss gave me a 24 hour deadline and that made me panic, as I needed that time to ask the woman I love out so we could celebrate. I'd looked forward to this. It was my dream to do this one thing for her.

I was given not much option and so I had to channel my whole attention back to work. I kept track on the time I have left, even though I was too buried with work to even pick up that damn phone to call her. I grew tired, from so much work to be done, and had so many things on my mind. Finally, I fell asleep in front of my computer.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when the alarm on my cellphone went off. My feet hit the floorboard as I got out of bed, but I still felt a big groggy and dizzy I rushed around my room to get my cell phone, then noticed the time and date.

“Checkmate! You lost!” Damn I missed it! That alarm was meant to remind me of her birthday and it was already twelve minutes past midnight. Then my phone died. I couldn't even call and apologize for forgetting. She had no idea I had anything planned.

I punched the wall again and again until my knuckles bled. I'd missed the most important date of my life!

The next day, I got a message from her saying, “You’ve forgotten…Goodbye!”

From the message, I don’t think I will have any more chances to make it up to her ever. In her mind, I’ve forgotten, but only if she knew…