Murdered Thoughts

The sound of honking horns invaded my ears as I left the dirty glass doors of my apartment building. People rushed past me; everyone in New York is always in a hurry. I pushed my way into the sea of people heading south. Cold wind and snow blew around me; I pulled my leather jacket closer to my chest. It seemed as if everyone had little emotion as we walked. Sometimes, I just hate people. Lights blinked and cars were completely jammed on 39th street, I could see the gray building in front of me now. I stepped out onto the street to get to the other side. A taxi cab pulled forward honking his horn and screaming in some language I didn’t understand outside the window. I flipped him off and continued my way across the noisy street. “Jackass” I yelled as I passed him.
My hands were shaking as I reached for the silver handle of the large ominous building that now towered above me. Why am I so worried, what’s done, is done. Nobody is going to know. Just go in there hand the secretary the paper and money, and leave. Just get out as fast as possible. Apparently, a woman in a gray business suit had been waiting behind me. She crossed her arms and scowled at me. I gave her a dirty look, and pulled open the door just enough to slide myself in. the women than reopened the door, obviously pissed she walked past me intentionally brushing my shoulder. Bitch, I thought to myself. Another woman sat at a large silver desk that overtook half of the gray colored room. The sound of ringing phones made my head hurt worse, this headache is never going to go away. I tentatively made my way over to the desk; the women looked up from her papers. Her small glasses glared in the yellow lighting. Her brown hair was pulled back in a tight bun, and she wore a business suit that totally fit the environment of the place, I don’t think I could ever be used to this.
“Welcome to the New York Times, can I help direct you?” her voice was deep and serious.
“I’m just here to place and ad…do I do that here?” my voice came out tight and quiet. I hadn’t had actual human contact in awhile now. The sound of my own voice surprised me.
“Yes, just give me your money and put your ad in the correct box. How long is it?”
“Just one sentence,” I couldn’t afford much else right now.
“That will be twenty dollar’s,” she smiled a fake smile that really pissed me off. I handed her the crumpled up bill I had been holding on to in my hands. I searched for the automotive box, after spotting it in the corner on the wall I rushed towards it. I shoved the paper in the box and quickly walked towards the large glass doors I had entered in. “So your ad will be in the next paper!” the women called after me. I raised my hand to acknowledge her comment. I rushed back outside into the cold and busy sidewalks of the city. People slammed into me as I contemplated where I should go, I couldn’t go home, and if I did that damn kid would continue to patronize me.
I remembered that day so clearly, the day that wreaked my car, my safety and my life. The smell of pizza surrounded me as I took inventory; the old pizza pub had been in my family for twenty years. Laughter from the dining room made it difficult to work, I just wanted to get it over with, and I had a lot of other things to do.
“I need to see Rolossi now!” a deep voice called from the dining room. “I don’t care if he’s busy. He has time for me.” I recognized the voice, a voice I learned to fear.
“Hi, Don, here follow me to the back.” I called from the door way into the kitchen. He followed me; he walked as if each foot was strapped to a cement brick. His face never seemed to emit any expression. His dark brown eyes seemed to frown in an angry rage. “So, how are you?” I asked once we were in private.
“I have an assignment from you that the Boss wants taken care of right away,” he said dryly, never moving any muscle but his mouth.
“What’s that?” I asked cautiously, I never really enjoyed doing the dirty jobs they had me do but I owed them, they saved my restaurant.
“Joseph, has gone to the cops about one of our recent events…he needs to be…you know, taken care of.” His eyes somewhat lightened, almost like he was excited.
“And…how would I do that?” I feared his answer.
“It’s time Joseph you know…swam with the fishes…”he began to laugh a dry heavy laugh. His hands brushed the pocket of his black pants where I knew he kept his gun. I began to sweat; my heart began to beat faster. “Here’s the address,” he handed me an envelope. “Don’t screw this up, got it?” He then turned and strode out the door, the same way he came in. I stood there for a moment…could I kill someone?
I walked down the streets, 9th then 10th west, 11th and finally 12th. Building C was a dull building that seemed to be covered in dirt. Children ran out of the building to play in the street. I entered the dimly lit building in search of this Joseph; I could now see his room number, 207. I stood in front of the beat up door for about four or five minutes trying to gather enough courage to knock on the door. As I tapped my fist on his door it seemed to echo in my ears. The door opened after the second knock, I jumped out of surprise.
“Who are you?” The man was in his forties, and about five feet tall. His hairline was receding and brown peppered with gray. Dark circles lay beneath his black eyes; it looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks.
“I...umm I’m Mr. Stratford, I am with the uhh witness protection program. You recently leaked… I mean, told the police about an event, and the officers at the station think we should help get you out of here, until the men are taken care of.” I was shaking, fear now coursed through my veins; there is no way this guy is going to believe me.
“Oh, no I don’t want any trouble… I am fine here, I’m not worried, not at all.” His eyes darted around the hallway where I stood. Obviously he was searching for someone, who might be like me, a killer.
“Oh I insist you come with me, you can think about being relocated, we just need you to file some paperwork at our office. It is very important to my job to take you to the office as fast as possible. So would you mind coming with me? It will only take an hour or two, free pizza on me.” I smiled but I think that might have made me seem even creepier.
“Okay, only a couple hours? And your with the police?” he rubbed his hands together nervously.
“I’m with a law office, actually but I work with witness protection.” He nodded and looked back in his apartment still a little unsure with himself. Then he followed me down the hall and out the door. “I just parked a couple blocks down” I explained, the gun in my back pocket burned in my skin. The New York air was cool, snow danced around us as we walked against the wind.
“This is your car?” he asked panic rising in his voice.
“Uhh yeah, well my Mercedes is in the shop, this was the only thing they had at my mechanics.” I was surprised at how fast I came up with that lie.
“Oh, okay.” He quietly climbed into the car and sat with his hands folded in his lap. He looked around nervously. How am I going to pull this off?! We drove in silence all the way to a spot I had picked near the edge of the city. I pulled into an empty parking lot. There were plenty of trees surrounding the area, and the cliff we stood on top of had perfect access to the bay below. “This…This isn’t an office.” His voice was tight and his arms were now tense. I pulled the gun out of my pocket and pointed it right at his head.
“Yeah, I know.” I said coldly then I pulled the trigger. That was the end of Joseph, so I thought. My heart began to hurt, but I knew I didn’t have much time. I dragged his lifeless body to the edge of the cliff; I threw him over the side and watched his body sail into the cold, black water.
Driving home was hard; I couldn’t take my eyes off of the red stains all over the seat and the floor. My eyes burned and I feared that I was going to get caught. I parked my crappy car in the garage under my apartment building. I lay awake for several days, thinking about the fear in Joseph’s eyes. I mean, who am I to take away his life? After a couple more days, I started only seeing his face, those eyes… he was watching me. Children ran down the hall on my floor, stupid kids.
“Shut up!” I opened the door of my apartment to scream at the two boys. They stopped to look at me.
“Don’t tell me what to do. You’re a bad man, and we know what you did.” The taller boy said, his eyes challenged mine. He could have only been about seven so I doubted he knew anything about me.
“Oh yeah? What did I do, throw away your dolls?” I smirked, I just love picking on children.
“You killed a man.” The boy said flatly, each word was like a knife to my side. My heart began to pound, my head ached worse.
“Wh-what?” I managed to stutter.
“You shot him, in the head. He wants revenge, you’re in big trouble.”
“Who…who told you that?!” I croaked.
“The dead man, he waits by your car.” This seemed somewhat strange but I couldn’t get myself to think rationally about the situation. I slammed my door and began pacing back and fourth. I’m going to get caught, either the cops or the boss. I need to get rid of the evidence. I scavenged around my apartment for cleaning supplies to get the blood out of my car.
The parking garage was dim and humid. Lights flickered as I passed them, I could hear the hum of a generator in the back, but other than that, the garage was quiet. Dead quiet. My car sat with dust on its windows, I hadn’t come down here for almost two weeks. A towel lay over where the blood stains painted the seats and floor. The air seemed colder as I opened the door to my car. I dumped five or six cleaning supplies on the now brown colored stains. After scrubbing for about twenty minutes I realized that these stains weren’t going to look any better.
Suddenly, all the lights turned off, the hum of the generator stopped. I stood up straight. Everything fell silent. I stood there, frozen, it became very cold standing there. I could see Joseph’s angry eyes piercing my back. The lights began to flicker again and I could again hear the noise in the background. I knew I needed to get rid of the car.
I wrote a short note and finally got it turned in to the newspaper. Hopefully someone will buy this car, and take this burden away.
Little icicles hit my face as I walked. My apartment felt empty, I found my way to the couch that I had laid on the last two weeks. It seemed to be covered in my guilt. I sat in the dark, hoping that I could fall asleep, but I couldn’t. Time past and I still felt as if Joseph was watching me. Laughing at my suffering, maybe I actually did him a favor. He doesn’t have to deal with this damned world.
About two days after my ad for the car was out, I got two offers, and I took the first one that called. I watched the chubby man smile as he came to pick it up.
“It’s for my daughter,” he smiled. “It’s her birthday on Thursday.” I smiled at the man and felt a little relieved that the car was off my hands. I wouldn’t have to remember this anymore. I walked back up to my apartment, I felt like one hundred pounds was lifted from my shoulders. Warm light shined in from the big window overlooking the city. It made semi-circles form on the soft wooden floor.
I spent sometime showering until I felt somewhat clean. I whipped away the fog from the mirror and pulled out my toothbrush. When I finished I looked back up in the mirror, I looked really tired, and almost sickly tired. I wondered if I would ever be able to sleep again. In the corner of the mirror I saw a shadow. My heart began to race; I turned around, no one there. I turned back to the mirror; a bloody, blue figure stared back at me. I cried out in surprise.
“Did you honestly think you would just get rid of me?” I recognized the voice. Joseph. “I am going to make your life a living hell.” I was speechless. “I will be with you where ever you go, just remember you will never be alone. You should have just stayed away, but now, your life will be just as bad as mine.” He smiled, his teeth were rotten, and the stench was unbearable. I ran from the room. My mind was racing, I must be extremely tired. The voice continued to echo in my ears: you will never be alone. What have I done?