TheBlondeBackpacker - Liechtenstein

As part of our Contiki tour we were scheduled to visit Liechtenstein which for some reason I kept thinking in my mind was akin to Transylvania. Much to my surprise it was a quaint country surrounded by low ground, well lacking in Vampires but ironically rampant with false teeth. Something I didn’t know about Liechtenstein and never really thought I would is that they are the Worlds largest producers of false teeth and sausage casings. I guess you can’t enjoy one without the other so it makes sense really.

We were dropped in the town centre which had a medieval feel to it, even the McDonalds looked quaint. The fries looked more like golden strands of straw and the décor was cozy. The people eating there were still getting fat mind you, but in a quaint way. Most of the people out and about were students from the nearby University. False teeth engineers for the most part. We decided to forego McDonalds as the group wanted to dine in style.

We found a lovely restaurant, hidden up stairs away from the road, adorned with white table cloths and silver service. Nothing about this said Contiki. When I opened the menu I was surprised to find that it was all written in German with no English whatsoever. I like many Australians only speak English but am not so arrogant to expect the rest of the world to comply unlike the American woman I’d seen by the Eiffel Tower in Paris walking around in circles with a souvenir she wished to purchase screaming “doesn’t anybody speak American here!?” So I sat quietly at the table wondering what I was looking at. All I knew was that everything cost around seventy Aussie dollars. Through a process of elimination we worked out which section referred to Pizzas. I couldn’t really go wrong ordering a pizza. I more or less will eat anything other than Tuna, Offal, Livers and any other organ really. I ordered the Thunfisch. In hindsight it seems pretty obvious that it’d have something to do with fish, but at the time I sat in eager anticipation expecting a crispy base layered with salami, cheese and olives. It came out and it was then that I realized I’d ordered Tuna. Out of the whole menu I’d ordered one of the few things I don’t eat. I spent an hour munching on the edges while everyone else enjoyed pastas and steaks. I could have killed for steak. We’d been living on iceberg lettuce and white bread for weeks. My bowels had given up on me and I’d almost forgotten what salt tasted like. Why the hell didn’t I order a steak?

After ‘lunch’ we wandered around aimlessly and I began to wonder why they hadn’t arranged a tour for us at the false teeth factory. I could have got a set of teeth for Dad. I didn’t have anything for him yet. We spent an hour by the bus waiting to leave and I decided that Liechtenstein wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. And this, sadly, is why my only real memory will be paying seventy dollars for pizza crusts.

Bring on the Vampires I say!