Unexpected Angel

         It all happened one fateful day. I'll never forget that day, because it was the worst day of my life. It was the day my Angel was taken from me. Today is the anniversary of her death. And now I spend it in my room with my blinds down, with my best friends, a joint and a bottle of Stoli. We all sat on the bed and listened to the sounds of the city. It made me wonder, what ever happened to my life?

         In the last three years, absolutely nothing. Ever since she left me, my life has been completely empty. October 31st, was a day filled full of tricks and treats, but I sat isolated from the world. My apartment was a mess, I barely had enough food in my fridge for a day, my friends had abandoned me, but I didn't care. Then it hit me. If I wanted answers I'd have to go to the source. Would he do anything for me? I wasn't so sure.

         I slipped from the bed and stumbled onto my knees, still feeling the effects from the last bottle of vodka I drank. I threw my anarchist tendencies aside. I hadn't had a very religious upbringing as a child, but even I knew God had to listen to a down and out drunk man like me.

         I leaned against the foot of our bed. I looked down on the floor and saw a favorite shoe of hers. I thought about the time she wore them when she met Mark and Roger. They didn't know what hit them. The black platform stiletto had been lying in the same spot for three years. In fact, most of her belongings remained in there rightful places, never moving since she went to the hospital. Her jewelry was scattered in every surface. Her makeup was strewn all over the purple vanity in the corner.Her bathrobe hung on a hook on the bathroom door, right next to mine. I knew it was a stupid idea to keep all of her things. I would walk around the house and be reminded of all the painful memories every single damn day. But getting rid of them was out of the question. I still had the idea that she would walk through the door, and jump into my arms. She would smile the signature smile of hers and melt my heart. Then the world would be right again. What I wouldn't give to have her back.

         I took off my black knit cap, out of respect. My hand brushed my hair as I tossed the hat aside. She was probably laughing at me, because I looked like a caveman. I could feel that I needed a haircut. Angel used to cut my hair. She had a knack for that kind of thing. No one could do it like she could. After getting my thoughts together, I took one last look around the room as I began to pray.

"Hey …god…it is me Col….I mean Tom…Thomas. Well I know it's been a while," I thought about it for a moment," Quite a while actually." I caught myself smiling. It seems like it has been forever since I smiled. I knew she was up there smiling too, as I attempted to do the impossible. I the anarchist professor, attempting to call on forces that I couldn’t, no shouldn’t believe in. "I wanted to say…no ask you some things. Number one, why isn't life fair?" I put my head in my hands, fighting back my dangerous emotions. "WHY DID YOU TAKE HER AWAY?" My voice started to get louder as tears ran down my face. "Is it because you wanted to punish me? …HER? Is it because I'm going to hell for all my vices? Was it for not believing in you? You had to take away the last thing that made me truly happy. It could've been me…IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN…" I fell backwards onto the floor as my fits of hysteria broke my prayer. I could barely catch my breath as sobs began to pour out of me. I rolled on to my side, and stared at the black stiletto. I needed her back. I couldn't live without her.

         I sat up and wiped my eyes. Still sobbing, I reached over and grabbed the Stoli. Looking at it helplessly, I took a big swig straight from the bottle. I had gotten used to the fiery feeling in the back of my throat, but it only helped to numb the pain slightly. Drinking had become breathing to me. But I wanted something more, because I couldn't live like this forever.

         Stumbling into the bathroom, I turned on the shower making the water as hot as it would go. I stripped everything I had on, tossing it to the side as I moved into the tub. I grabbed the vodka and winced as the hot water caressed my skin. I chugged the whole bottle, feeling the burning need to numb the pain. The water felt comforting as it fell onto my head. How could my life be as happy without her? I needed to know what I did to deserve this. I needed to make one last attempt, one last attempt to discover the truth. I hugged my knees to my chest, resting my head on top of them as I made one last attempt to pray.

"You knew I had someone special. YOU KNEW. Please… I… need…. the pain to…. stop. Please make the pain stop…." My emotions got the better of me as I started to cry once more. I could hear the faint sound of the telephone ringing, as I took in my surroundings.

*ring…ring….ring….ring…ring…click*" Hi you've reached ANGEL! And Collins….. We're either out….or in bed…..ha ha ha ha oh Papi your so bad…..heh Heh…..Anyways please leave a message at the tone and we'll try to call you back later…..no we can't….cause we'll be in bed Bye…...Ugh….hey how do you turn this off? How the hell am I supposed to know? You're the one that wanted the thing...Fine we'll just let it run till the tape…*beep*

         "Hey Collins, it's Mark and Roger…well and the whole gang," Several people were mumbling in the background, most likely everyone was sitting around him." Look I know your there. Just hear me out. We know it's the day that Angel…well the…..the Anniversary of her death… And we know you said that you needed to be alone for a while. But Buddy it's been six months, and know one has seen you, let alone heard from you. Roger and I stopped by the college, they said you quit 3 months ago. We all miss you and we're worried about you. Will you please pick up the phone so we can talk? I know you probably need someone to talk to. Hello….Collins…..I know your there Collins….That's it! Fuck it Collins!. I'm coming over….*click*

         I knew they meant well, all of them did. I couldn't stand to face them. I couldn't let them see the pathetic excuse for a man I had become. I looked around the bathroom one last time, my eyes lingering on the blue robe in the corner. Why did the world have to be so cruel? Reaching over to the faucet handle, I turned the water as cold as it would go. I leaned back not even caring about the knife like stabs going into my body. My eyes rose to the sky, “See you on the flip side“. I smiled, closed my eyes, and drifted out of consciousness