Drowning

Drowning.

Riell: A passion for something .. or somebody .. is a drive towards a goal. Something to be achieved, something to strive for. Passion does not require a loss of control. At its best, fear is a defence. A drive to protect from perceived harm. We all feel both everyday. Fear can drive us as surely as any passion but it's destructive. Nobody /likes/ to be afraid but we accept it. You .. you didn't seem to accept being afraid as normal.
Rofez Eliin: *He doesn't say anything, just seems to be watching her still. Staring*
Riell: What scares you, Rof? There must be something other than just losing control of yourself. Have any such fears manifested so strongly?
Rofez Eliin: *Shrugs slightly, finally looking away to a spot somewhere past her on the floor* Only one, I think.
Riell: .oO(Damn! I've never seen him so .. unsure. v_v)
Rofez Eliin: Even then it's still hardly different to everyone else I imagine, but I fear drowning.. That feeling. More than anything else.
Riell: *nods* That would be a dreadful way to perish.
Riell: *softly* You seem to enjoy boat travel. Hells, you've even taken up residence in a floating inn. Is that a conscious effort to .. *shrugs* .. defeat that particular fear?
Rofez Eliin: No... It's not like that. I'm not 'afraid' of water. *Dryly* I'm not afraid of being out at sea, on a boat, swimming... diving... *Shrugs* None of those things. Just that feeling. ...Have you ever felt it?
Riell: You almost drowned once?
Rofez Eliin: *Simply nods*
Riell: *shudders and shakes her head* No, I've never been in that situation.
Rofez Eliin: *Nods slowly* Hold your breath...
Riell: Now? *raises an eyebrow*
Rofez Eliin: *He nods again* Now.
Riell: Okay. *she draws in a breath and closes her mouth so that her lips form a thin line. She sits very still*
Rofez Eliin: *He continues talking, casually, as she has her breath held* Now imagine something like, say, a Bigby's spell, holding you in place. You can 'move' but you can't go anywhere... On top of that, there's a blindness spell and everything goes hazy and dark. While that's happening... the hand starts to squeeze... very slowly, more tightly.
Riell: *her eyes go wide, and her cheeks puff in and out*
Rofez Eliin: So while all that's happening... you're also upside down.
Riell: *but she can't hold it any longer and opens her mouth in a gasp*
Rofez Eliin: *Can't help but smirk faintly at that*
Riell: *at which point, she takes several deep breaths* Dear gods *huff* that would *puff* be a terrible way *puff* to go.
Rofez Eliin: Mmhmm .. oh, I wasn't finished.
Riell: *eyes widen* There's /more/?
Rofez Eliin: *Nods slowly* Just to put it more plainly... The ocean is dark... even during the day, you swim and go under, it's -dark-. It's pitch black at night. No source of light, no stars, no moon... just black.
Riell: .oO(The underdark?)
Rofez Eliin: When a ship capsizes, she fills up and goes under... *Glances around the room thoughtfully a moment* Can you imagine this room if it were turned on its side?
Riell: With one wall *glances behind him* becoming the floor and another the ceiling?
Rofez Eliin: Mmhmm. Everything turns and falls. Things break. The floor would be making noises you really wouldn't want to be hearing from a floor.
Riell: *glances sideways at the furniture then back at the cushions he's sitting on .. then him* You were onboard a ship that went down? Were you caught below deck?
Rofez Eliin: Most of us were. The others got out at that point, I believe. Most of them, anyway...
Riell: *gulps* Some .. remained?
Rofez Eliin: I was unfortunately caught beneath a pile of crates... Some others I think, were killed initially, crushed or struck unconscious by various things falling and so on.
Riell: [Whisper] That .. that would have been kinder.
Rofez Eliin: I was a little dazed, and underneath a pile of crates... suffered a broken rib or two but was otherwise fine, and came around when I felt the cold water up to my waist and steadily rising. Pitch black... Couldn't see a thing, couldn't hear a thing. Everything felt like it was moving strangely even while the water kept rising... I didn't figure out until later that was actually the ship overturning completely.
Rofez Eliin: The water came up to my neck before I came out of the initial shock enough to realise I needed to get out. The 'door' wasn't an option because I didn't even know where it was....
Riell: *by now, she's staring into his face .. though she's tryng not to*
Rofez Eliin: The crates semi-floated so I was at least not pinned down by that time. With all the debris and things floating about and broken it was so 'crowded'.. there was barely enough room to keep my head up, the water was rising very slowly at that point and all I could do was try my best to follow the hull around. I kicked into something metallic at my feet that shifted away. I assumed it was something out of one of the crates... anyway, at the time I ignored it and just kept feeling my way along as best I could. Then there was something blocking my way.
Riell: *she manages to refocus (finally), looking to his hands, his chest, his neck and his face once more*
Rofez Eliin: A splintered plank of wood around my thigh level, when I reached down, that's what it was... and it was still connected to the wall. There was a 'hole'... I have no idea how it was made, I never found out, I've never figured it out.. *Shakes his head slowly* But there it was... there was no way I could get past the plank with so much debris around my chest, neck and head. Not without going totally under and swimming flat along the.. 'bottom'... and even then I still didn't know where I was going. That's when the water reached my nose... I had to force things aside and tilt my head up even to breathe at all.
Riell: .oO(No questions. Just let him talk it through. This must be bad enough for him.)
Rofez Eliin: That's when it occured to me that the metallic object was probably a weapon. Something maybe to pry off the damaged wood for a way out... I went back for it, took the biggest lungful of a breath I'd ever taken in my life and dove down to pick it up... then swam back towards the damaged side. I couldn't see a thing, of course but when I felt about it was, luckily, damaged worse than I thought. The axe I'd picked up served to pry a gap I could barely fit through away... and I squeezed out.
Rofez Eliin: At the time all I could think was how I'd scraped my sides so painfully on the splintered wood there was no way I was going back in to snatch another breath. That's when everything just fell away. I wasn't touching anything but the axe still in my hand, which I then dropped because it was so heavy. Everything was quiet, dark... no ship... I didn't know which way was 'up'. There was no way I could believe I was dead, though, because my lungs were burning for another breath. *He actually just seems to trail off here, and finally falls silent.*