Fear

It emerges loudly in bad dreams
Where feelings get amplified without inhibition
In the daytime too…
Changing relationships
Altering my idea of the future and therefore
The present.
Even how others see me
As I shape their opinion
With mine.

It’s not that I hope to be brave –
(The courageous hero)
But merely positive
In the moment
UnOppressed.

Instead I’m so blindsided-
Bowled over
Caught mid-step.

Could I ever relax?!
Ever get to suppose for one minute
That I’ll make it through with a happy ending?

No sun despite the cloudless sky
No enjoyment next to the laughing kids
In my image, hopes end
Efforts smashed
The victory of others
Taking my place where I fought so hard to be
The ease is slipping away.

How all-consuming!
Ending my plans before they are executed.
My thoughts sabatoged
I’m riding the waves of negative circumstances
To higher crests.

[for Betty, who taught us to recognize fear]