The Changed Man

Polme Gra’taf sighed and told the next customer to step forward. He hated his job at the magician’s shop. Lord Talonwise was a terrible practitioner and had many disgruntled clients to deal with. Thus, Polme’s job had been created, whereas most magicians had no Customer Service Representative.

“I need to be returnin’ this cream. It said it’d get rid of my facial hair.”

Polme frowned while looking at the woman and her smooth face. “Um, ma’am, it looks like it worked.”

“I’m a man. This cream turned me into a kriffing woman!”

Polme gulped and looked behind himself, hoping that Lord Talonwise had caught wind of the accusation. But, as always, the lord was nowhere in sight and Polme was left to handle the more difficult discrepancies.

“Madam… Sir! Sorry! Uh, you were promised a hair-free face. I’d say the product proved to be satisfactory.”

“Nah, nah, ya twerp! Greasy vagrants keep comin’ up to me an’ making suggestions and demands without me even making eye contact with ‘em! Some vile ideas have been forced upon me! It’s a hot mess of a feeling, I tell ya.”

Polme thought back to all the times when he’d see large, mustachioed men bounding the streets in search of lithe prey. He imagined this “man” in front of him was one such person and that he might be learning an important lesson. “Well, sir, Lord Talonwise sells an ointment that can reverse your gender…”

“I want to reverse this blasted cream, boy!”

Polme felt his face heat up and wondered if this manly woman might strike him. He silently wished that Lord Talonwise would enact some kind of protecting enchantment for such a situation as this. “Ah, yes, sir. Well, like with most of the lord’s creams, you should be able to wash yourself thoroughly and the cream’s effects will slowly fade. You should be yourself again in a matter of days.”

The “man” furrowed his brow. “Wash myself? I told you I was really a man, didn’t I?”

He stopped his eyes from rolling, but just barely. “Uh, yes, sir. But, still, it should work.” Polme flashed a quick smile and waited for the guest to leave the counter as he was convinced that his needs had been satisfied.

The womanly-looking man didn’t move. Finally, he spoke. “What about a refund, lad?”

Polme grimaced. Lord Talonwise was not a strong believer in giving refunds. Especially with all the spells, charms, potions, and enchantments that seemed to go awry. “Uh, sir, all sales are final.” He pointed to the large sign that was posted near the entrance.

The guest grinned. “I don’t read so good. Not at all, really.”

Polme Gra’taf was normally inclined to believe such a statement in this little village, but he’d heard it before. “Then how did you know which cream you wanted to buy?”

The man’s feminine face fell and he left. Polme knew that if he had said that someone picked it out for him, Polme would’ve been pinched. But the changed man was obviously not smart enough to combat such a question. “Next guest, please.”

Word Count: 519