What were you Thinking

Phinnus Figges, sat up bed, drenched in cold sweat, heart racing, with the certainty it was happening to him again. This room was too dark, the scent stale, acrid and musty. Definitely not his room, suppressing the urge to scream, it never helped, he tried to listen for the instructions.

Eventually, he heard the soft mechanical drone, “we are sorry for this temporary technical difficulty. Please tap your temple above your right eye while stomping your foot three times. This will fix the anomaly.”

This was a new spin, on a similar fix; Phinnus did during a prior ‘technical difficulty’. He completed the maneuver as instructed, but it took three tries before Phineus was in his room, the sweet scent of clean sheets and filtered air greeting his every breath.

Phinnus threw the bedding, jumping out and started to pace around the room. He was Phinnus Figges, fourth generation of the founding colonist, member of the illustrious Watchers Institution for Intelligent Life. He celebrated his first full count of his thirtieth primary birth. The real achievement was his recent engagement to the stunningly beautiful Fae Phaon, only daughter of General Fabron Phaon current commander general on Phase II.

Phinnus stopped pacing in front of the window staring out at the city lights below. It was his infatuation with Fae, which lead to all his current problems. She convinced him to move his ID from his secure family center to IS&D Inc. Phineus did not go blindly into these conversions. He researched IS&D’s facilities on Phase II. Read all the reports from their founding world Phase IV and the reports for Phase I and III. Phinnus made three surprise visits and two scheduled tours before he finally agreed to transfer his ID. They had impressive improvements on his current feeds and augmentations he could not resist. In addition, he maintained the connection to his family. What could go wrong?

On the day of his transfer, both Fae and her father were waiting for him at the IS&D transfer facility. Jarvis his valet and Henri his chauffeur accompanied him as well. The prep package said he would need two periods of bed rest after the procedure. His staff would be on hand to bring him home. He thought it odd Fae did not volunteer, but then it may look improper to her family. On the second day when Phinnus looked out across the landscape, and quickly became enthralled by all the detail he could see. He could pick out the minutia of sights and smells. He heard music at a new level of enjoyment, filter out the ugly, harsh, glaring intrusions, keeping what he wanted to hear, see, or smell. The first week was a wonder.

Fae accompanied him to the opening of a gallery, and they reveled in their new insights, fed to them through their receivers. Professor Blunt praised his latest report and the gifted insights to the minimalist world of Obtu.

It was the second week after his transfer when he started noticing strange behavior in people around him. He watched Phax Fox in the lift, tapping his head and pounding his foot. Rayel Rint in accounting started to shriek bouncing up and down for no apparent reason. Walking to meet Fae for lunch, three people started to wave their arms around while hopping on one foot. He was in the shower one morning, and could swear he was sitting on a park bench, then back in the shower. After the third incident, minor jogs off reality, he brought it up while having lunch with Fae.

“Darling, it is nothing. I find the little jaunts moderately amusing.” Fae fiddled with her napkin, sipped her wine, and avoided looking at a Phinnus.

“What do you mean little jaunts?” Phineus studied Fae and noticed she would not return his gaze.

“It is something Father says will be worked out. I. S.& D. didn’t expect the high volume of deposits they have received on our world. They are having— oh— a tiny glitch in their holding fields.” Fae moved her peas to several different places on her plate then giggled. “The jump doesn’t last very long, and instructions on how to realign, pop on if you don’t shift in thirty nanos.”

“Instructions, I have never heard any instructions. Fae was this happening to you before I made my deposit?” Phinnus did not like the direction their conversation was going. Did her father know about the problems still advising Phinnus the procedure was safe and secure?

Fae looked up from her plate, her beautiful soft violet eyes melting his heart all over again. She reached over, gently taking his hand, kissing his fingers one—by—one “there is nothing to worry about my darling. Just enjoy the jump, but you remember you are always to return to me.”

Phinnus was adequately distracted from the problem. They finished their lunch with dessert at his home. Another week went by and Phinnus experienced only a few minor jumps. Once he was in the grocery store, he never even knew there was one on his block. During a conference, he suddenly was in a gym, playing ball. Each time a slight rap on his head by his ear brought him back to his reality.

Life at I. S. & D. Inc. was not going well at all! They now had over one million ID’s stored in the depository meant to hold only five hundred thousand. The equipment started to go off line and sound alarms of transmission bleed off, all the time. One department quit, en mass, unable to take the noise. Lucky for them, they could not afford the depository, and suffered no ill effects. I. S. & D. engaged a full time staff to record realignment protocols. This same protocol needed readjustment almost every hour.

Phinnus was just getting into his car after a long day at work when he found himself in a boat. In a BOAT— in the middle of a RIVER— with freaking other BOATS headed right for him. Phinnus was screaming ‘HELP’ at the top of his lungs, when the closest boat swerved, drenching him in ice-cold water. Heart racing, he finally heard somewhere deep in the receiver.

“We at I. S. & D. apologize in advance, for this temporary anomaly to your transmission. Please face in an easterly direction, and wave your arms above your head while jumping. This”

“Which direction is fricking east — how am I supposed to know where fricking east is?” Phinnus was yelling again, which was not resolving anything, so he followed the instructions, facing in a direction, and on the third try, found himself back in his car.

“Sir, are you alright? You kept yelling at me about a boat and a river. It—“Henri stopped; noticing Phinnus was very pale and breathing erratically. “Sir, do you want me to take you to the hospital?”

“No— Henri, take me home.” Phinnus could not stop shaking but slowly he sifted through what happened. Whoever was supposed to be in the boat was in his car while he was in the boat. Their ID’s switched “Henri did I start to do some crazy motions, wave my arms?”

“Yes sir, you did that, Sir. Kept yelling you didn’t know where east was—Sir.” Henri looked at Phinnus in the rear view mirror. He seemed to be getting his color back.

When Phineus arrived home, he rushed to his office and called the number he had for the I.S. &D. office.

“We are sorry, due to unusual call volumes; there is a fifty full standard universal nano’s wait. If you do not want to wait, please press one—“

Phineus press one, and the call disconnected. He held the received away from his ear incredulous they disconnected the call. He dialed the number again.

“We are sorry, due to unusual call volumes; there is a seventy full standard universal nano’s wait. If you do not want to wait, please press one. If you wish to stay on the line, please press two—“

They disconnected the call again. Phinnus was a reasonable man, an intelligent man, but this was just outrageous. He buzzed the carriage apartment where Henri lived.

“Sir”

“Henri, bring the car around, I want to go to I. S. & D.”

“Sir, the building we took you to when you made your deposit?”

“Yes Henri, that building, I will be downstairs in five.” Phinnus quickly changed to light slacks, pale blue shirt, causal tan jacket, and his loafers, taking the lift down to the car.

Henri waited beside the door open “Sir, you do know the I.S. &D. building closed, and they have not opened the new site for business.”

Phinnus backed out of the car glaring at Henri. “What do you mean closed?”

“Why yes sir, there was such a rumpus of noise over there the staff quit. They have a new site over past the auxiliary ice plant but I haven’t heard about it opening yet.”

“Take me there Henri.” Phineus got in the car, punching in the number for Fae on his mobile. Maybe she had a direct number to call technical help.

Her phone buzzed three times before someone answered “hello- who is this?”

“Fae it is me, Phinnus, listen—“

“I don’t know any Phinnus. If you know how to get me out of the bleedin woman’s body, you had better tell me. I have tried all the garbage they keep reciting in my head and it ain’t working.”

“Who are you?” Phinnus tapped on the partition, motioning for Henri to pull over.

“I am Gustuv Welt and I have been stuck in this— this–mess for over seven hundred nano’s and I can’t get anyone at I. S. &D.”

“Ms Fae Phaon is my intended, I will be right over.” Phinnus hung up and called the General’s number but received no answer. The call did not go into voice mail either. He tried the home line and again no answer. They pulled in front of Fae’s apartment, and she came running out opened the door of the car and jumped in.

“Phinnus, oh my darling Phinnus, it was horrible. I was trapped in that awful man’s body forever. He would not follow the directions. I tried to talk him through it. Phinnus he lives on a— a— a farm.” Fae shuddered and started to cry.

Phinnus held on to her and told Henri to take them to his home. It took both of them to get Fae up to a spare room and Phinnus gave her some of his sleeping powder.  He sat in the chair next to the bed until she was sound asleep.

Returning to his study, he tried calling the General at all three of the numbers he had. He look in Fae’s purse and found her phone and use it to try calling him, still there was no answer. He called the numbers Fae had for I. S. & D. and was caught in the same loop of call waiting. Using Fae’s phone, while he was on hold, Phinnus call Dr Blunt.

“Phinnus my boy, this is highly irregular.”

“Dr Blunt, I am sorry to intrude on your family time, but could you tell me— have you made a deposit with I. S. &D.?” Phinnus held his breath hoping Dr Blunt would know whom to call.

“No, No, I don’t believe they really have a handle on the technology. Why, did you?” Phinnus noted a touch of incredulity in Dr Blunt’s tone.

“General Phaon recommended it and with all the ruling counsel in the depository, I believed it was a safe transfer.”

“I take it, you are suffering from the leeching effects, or are you bleeding over. There was always the problem of jumping signals, I never was comfortable with.” Dr Blunt cleared his throat. “Phinnus, I would go immediately, and rescind your deposit. Why anyone in their right mind would lose control of their mind, I will never understand?"

“Thank you Dr. Blunt. I should have talked to you before I did this.”

“I wish you luck my boy, see you at the turn.” Phinnus did not know how long he listened to the white noise of the empty call line.

Phinnus finally, switched off the dead line. He hung up after listened to the repetitive message at I. S. & D. for the umpteenth time, and went to his window. Below in the street hundreds of people were hopping, jumping, skipping, waving their arms, hitting their heads, rolling on the ground. Occasionally, one person would look like they recovered their sanity, brush off their clothes, and walk away. Another confused person quickly replaced them. Even up here, he could hear the cursing, desperate calls for help. 

Phinnus checked in on Fae. She was still asleep, he brushed a curl from her cheek, bending, he gave a light kiss. Leaving the room Phineus took a hot shower, redialed the number for I. S. &D., finally falling asleep listening to the message to stay on hold to talk to a representative.

A soft tinkling chime woke Phineus, the room a soft rosy glow of PINK— the room was Pink. Phinnus sat up in bed looked around; the whole room was pink and he—

NO—no— this just could not get any worse, Phineus was dressed in pink, and he was not a he—but a SHE.

Phinnus pulled the covers over his head and slowly explored this new body. He held his breath and listened for the instructions, but there was only silence. He couldn’t even tap into his family depository. He heard a door slide open and the rustling of someone entering the room.

“Good morning your Highness, I have your breakfast tray. You should see all the commotion happening on Phase II.”

Phinnus peaked out from the covers and watched a matronly women, gray hair, in a uniform, setting a tray of delicious smelling food on the table next to the bed. She picked up a remote and pointed it at the far wall.

“Look Miss, see the rumpus that is going on down there. It is a good thing your father sent the Royal Star Liner to fetch you back to Inchin. I put your correspondence on the tray and here is the remote. You can turn up the sound when you’re ready.”

Phinnus watched the woman fuss around the room then just before she left; she made a little curtsey towards him.... Phinnus tried to listen for the instructions to end this nightmare but his mind was still unusually quiet. There was no hum, or buzz or low whistle. He sat up, swung his legs over the edge of the bed taking a moment to admire them. Whoever she was, she was stunning. He picked up a piece of toast and started all the normal routines he had used to pop back into himself.

“Your majesty we will be leaving orbit and reach light speed in just under seven nano’s” A male disembodied voice came over a speaker.

Seven nano’s—leave orbit—your majesty? Phineus stopped jumping and looked at the letters on the tray. They were address to Royal Princess Philina Fico from His Royal Highness Prince Fray Phaone. Phinnus collapsed to the floor, steadied his breathing, and then sat back down on the bed. He pointed the remote to the wall display turning up the sound.

“We are at the I. S. & D. facilities on Phase II. As you can see there is near pandemonium, after the announcement, they released all the deposits in one final burst last night. We received a short message from the Vice President of I. S. & D. General Fabron Phaon— and I quote ‘We can only hope that a majority of the depositors wake in the morning with the correct transmission. I.S.& D. will have no further access to any of the deposits made on Phase II after the transmissions. A team of specialist will be sent from the corporate headquarters to disengage anyone who has been melded with another ID.’

“At this time the company is refusing further comment. We have been advised the ID’s of over three hundred and fifty thousand residences of Phase II have been intermeshed or totally exchanged. There are early reports of the same catastrophe happening at other I.S.& D. facilities. The authorities have called in the preeminent intelligence identification expert, Dr. Blunt to help with the situation.

“Dr. Blunt, do you have any advice for the victims of this tragedy?”

“Well, I was talking to a young college of mine, just the other day. I do not understand why anyone, would not want to know where his or her brain was. Now all of these people know exactly where their mind is. It may not be where they expected it to be, but there you have it. I doubt very much, with the current state of confusion, we will be able to untangle this mess in less than ten or twenty full standards. I advise everyone to accept where you are.”

Phinnus clicked the picture off, spun around on his left foot three times, waving his arms over his head. Nothing happened....