Meet Sunni Kali 3

I told myself I’d just sleep for a few hours, hoping Kendal’s destination would come to me in a dream. I was awakened by a firm, colloquial conversation between five MSNBC analysts. As I rose up in the bed, I made out that the show’s topic was “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” legislation.

The only female analyst, Ashley Keagar from Bakersfield, Ca, commented, “And the guys really need to think about this: what if men could lose their jobs for having small penises? It would be so easy and acceptable for their female co workers to purposely get a feel up anyway they can, just to see. That’s sexual harassment. Strange enough, everyone will want to know, ‘is he big, is he small’? A flaw,” the analyst fixed her fingers to suggest quotations, and continued, “can be detected or tested by a coworker and that man will lose his job for,” she giggles and looks to her left, continuing “the little engine that couldn’t. What makes you think heterosexual soldiers don’t enjoy that same power? The same paranoia, even someone on this panel might have about a co-worker finding out he has a small penis is the same kind of paranoia gay soldiers feel. Who wants to go through all of that at work, of all places? To top it off, you lose your job! Can you imagine being small dicked and no longer having a job? Try going home THAT night."

“Hold on, hold on, hold on, okay. Please…”

“O,” Ashley dragged out, “I forgot where I was.”

“Well, yeah you just have to be careful there,” the host suggested as he nodded in Ashley’s direction, “but we’re not live,” he mumbles, “so we’ll just tape back over that. Oh, are we live? Okay, well we’ll just keep it going,” the host looked down at his nails for a quick second and pointed to the man sitting to Ashley’s left.

I was intrigued. That was the first time I really thought about the issue in that manner. Really, it was the first time I thought about that particular legislation, period. Kenneth Ayor, the analyst to the left of Ashley responded, “Ashley, you’re the proverbial mascot for an issue that’s way over your head. First of all, you’re not a gay soldier and you really don’t know how they feel. My neighbor’s son was discharged from the military for being gay and he wasn’t that distraught about it. I’m sure the military probably wasn’t really his thing, anyway,” he raised his eyebrow in Ashley’s direction, “we’re talking about living quarters where morality has to be upheld. If there’s some guys hanging around wanting to have sex while others are sleeping, then what the hell, men and women should bunk together because now you’re just asking for double discrimination, uh, what is it, like, uh reverse racism, but its not racism, its genderism,” He nods towards the host, who nods, agreeing. “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” is a wonderful expression to enforce some of the principles this country was built on! Some things have to stay in place for the sake of morality. This is the people’s military and they voted. You voted. I voted. Kenny’s voted.” He points to the smiling Senator from Vermont as he winks at Ashley.


I began searching the room for something to snack on. I was enjoying the show so much. I walked closer to the desk in the room, when a slight wiggle at the room’s door produced Kameron with shopping bags taking up both hands. As she placed them down, she began,

“I caught a fucking sale! I got these white pants and they are going to make my ass look so milky and creamy, like two scoops of Bluebells’s hand churned, the finest vanilla! You’re going to want to take a grab just to see if its real.” Kameron sucked in air through her teeth and let out her best porno moan, as she squeezed her butt, “I got you something too because I know your uncoordinated ass wouldn’t be able to put something hot together for tonight.” Kameron pulled out a white, layered, ruffled sundress and smiled. “Isn’t it cute?”

“Why am I wearing a sundress to a foam party?”

“Because its cute and I bought it.” She paused and continued, “I’m unsure how to deal with your ungratefulness right now.” Kameron brought the dress down to her side and stared at me. “Try it on,” she urged, throwing the dress on the bed closer to me.

“You go to the party. I didn’t come down here for all of that.”

“You said you wanted a vacation. Don’t let that woman ruin it! I want my friend back!”

Kameron dropped her new pants on the bed, went into the bathroom, and turned on the shower. I was happy to catch the last five minutes of the MSNBC show I was watching.



“Hey, we look so good tonight!” Kameron mentioned, drinking the last sip of Bacardi left from earlier in the day. I smiled. Kameron was this ball of energy that really knew how to keep me out of darker moods, although she had a more difficult time keeping me out of trouble. She called Robert to get the directions, while I gazed out the window. I prepared myself to slow down, in case I spotted Kendal coming out of one of the 7-11 gas stations we’d pass on our way to the party.

When we arrived, Robert met up with us at the door and escorted us in. I was actually surprised at this level of cohesiveness with Robert being attached to it. He lead us to the VIP stairwell which was white, spiraled, and bedazzled with icicle lights.

“Look at the foam!” Kameron screamed. I silently embraced the view. The dance floor was covered with foam, residing between the bars and the performance stage. “Let’s get in.” Kameron looked to me. “I’m not getting in that with this sundress on. Its damn near see through,” I replied.

“Hmm. Robert, I’m thirsty.” Kameron turned towards Robert.

“Order whatever you want,” Robert told Kameron. “So, Sunni, what’s the happenings baby? I thought we were ok.”

“We are.” I assured him, when Donnell Jones’ “You know what’s up” began blaring through the surround sound. Robert smiled and motioned a waitress over. Kameron, Robert, and I discussed proper attire at a foam party, as Robert removed his shirt to compare tattoos with Kameron. The waitress returned with our drinks and Kameron proposed a toast.

“Here’s to real friends and good sex!” she cheered. “Good sex?” Robert questioned.

“Yeah, I’m scoping the room as we speak!”

Kameron and I, both, were scoping the room when I saw her. “Oh my god! Its her!” I yelled out. I gathered my drink and got up.

“Its who? Where are you going?” Kameron looked up at me, frowning.

“I’ll be right back,” I promised. Kameron let out a sound of disgust as I moved passed her towards the stairwell. I made my way down the stairs, towards her.

“Hi, I can’t believe you’re here!”

“Yea, I know. Its not really something I’d go to because there’s always media around. Im going to try to keep a low profile,” she laughed, “which may be difficult, considering all these people noticing me.” I continued speaking, when she reached out to pull me closer towards her.

“You’re so close to that foam. I’d hate for you to fall in with that pretty sundress on. Why would you wear that to a foam party anyway?”

I shook my head and threw my hands in the air, searching for a common sense response. Before I could speak, Kameron appeared.

“I bought her that dress, bitch! You’ve got some nerve showing up here. Keep your filthy, dirty New York hands OFF my girl.”

By this time, I knew Kameron was at her drinking limit. “Kameron!” I pleaded.

“No, Sunni!” Kameron turned to me and worded ‘trust me’ with her mouth. “No!”

“I think you are confusing something right now.”

“I’m not confused. You’re confused. You think you can just go around financing trips to seduce women? Sunni and I have been together for five years, so fuck off!”

Kameron had been so confrontational and aggressive that she hadn’t realized how close both of them were to the foam. Suddenly, a scream was belched out. They were both in the foam, rolling over the floor into others. I jumped in, trying to separate the two. Cameras began flashing everywhere, as the spectators became more and more interested in our ‘B-movie’ bar fight. Security rushed over to pull all three of us out of the foam when a camera man blinded me, capturing my ‘rescue’.

“Yea, that’s right! I don’t play the radio!” Kameron declared, pointing in a straight line. She had foam all over her face, which made it harder for her to see who she was actually pointing at.

“You girls are amazing!” Robert stated in delight. “Let’s go to Ocean Drive!”



Overnight, Kameron thought it would be a good idea to travel back to Atlanta. We made it to my place and crashed. I woke up with THE worst hangover. My phone began vibrating. When I reached for it, I saw “Kendal” on the screen and answered.

“Hel-lo,” I dragged

“Sunni! What the Fuck?! You’re really making my job difficult! Investors and Advertising agencies have been calling all morning, wondering if you were a good fit for this company! With all this shit I have to deal with, I don’t even see a damn manuscript on my DESK!”

Kendal was too loud in my ear. I just responded “I don’t know,” and pressed the end button. I turned over and looked at the television and gasped. There was a picture of me bent over in foam with my ass blurred out. I could see Kamron’s hand reached up towards me. I grabbed the remote and adjusted the volume.

“MSNBC analyst Ashley Keagar gets in love quarrel with ex lover, gay author Sunni Kali at a swinging party.” I turned the tv off as soon as I heard that. I was horrified.

“Bitch!” Kameron came running through the hall screaming. “Bitch, I’m on tv! I’m fucking famous! I whipped Kendal’s ass! Wow, people are going to start calling me up to make appearances at their clubs. Bitch, we’re about to be millionaires!”

“That wasn’t Kendal!” I yelled in frustration. I got out of my bed, with my cell phone in my hand, and stomped into my bathroom, slamming the door. I placed the toilet seat covered down, placed my phone on the sink counter, threw my face in my hands and started crying.

My phone vibrated. It was a text from Robert, reading “Gay author?! I loved you!! I’m going to kill myself!”

I just thought, ‘no, I’m going to kill myself’. I exhaled and blew my nose, when my phone vibrated again. The screen claimed I had a new text message from Kendal. Suddenly, I felt this nervousness rush over me and I arched my back as I opened the text.

“What were you doing in Miami?”

I exhaled, shook my head, and turned to my window to open it. I stuck my head out and yelled, “Fuck Yoooooooooooou!”

I wiped my tears and closed the window. I got up and walked towards the mirror over my sink and stared at myself. Rinsing my face off, I opened my bathroom door, and called Kameron.

“Let’s test your celebrity. Why don’t you go out and see if you can get some milk without having to pay for it.”

“Why don’t you give me some money just to be on the safe side.”

I turned my head to the side and pointed to my purse in the recliner.

“Hey, grab some English muffins, while you’re at it.”