Something About A Friend

I’m screaming into nothing though you’re standing right here

I ask for a moment of your time

I ask for a shoulder to lean on

I have so often lent you mine

I’ve sat through your tears and your lies, your heartache and heartbreak

Words of comfort and wisdom have I created in my attempts to help renew your soul

But when I ask for something, my words fall on deaf ears



Standing in a void, screaming my heart out

Everything I have, everything I am

I cry out from a weary heart

I’ve poured and poured only to discover that there is not enough of me

I want to cry

A soggy heap on the floor

A toy crushed underfoot

The last drops of an evaporating puddle

And there is no one, no one to bear witness to my existence



I almost wish I could be stabbed in the back

Feel the steely blade of betrayal pierce my nearly still heart

But there is no knife, no bitter or spiteful hand

There is nothing

Because I have never told you a secret, you’ve never been here



I almost wish I could hate you

wish you had done something so vile, so unforgivable

that I could only see the incarnation of my malice in every curve of your face

but I cannot, you’ve never stayed long enough to see me angry



I wish you could love me

Could move me to ecstasy

Wish you could be my light in the forest

My lifeline in the murky swamp

But your light shines for you alone, never caring or resting long enough to illuminate another



I wish you could break my heart

Move me to poetry

Rip my soul into shrapnel

Toss it over your shoulder like simple chaff

Steal my mirth so that you’ve left me with nothing but you on my mind

But you never took the time to make a space in my heart

The time to push all the jumbled clutter and set up a place where no one may dwell save for you



I wish I could do more than wish

Instead, I remain

Not hating, not betrayed, not heartbroken,

And most assuredly,



Not loved