THIS S**T IS BANANAS!!

A yo and a hello from here deep in the great state of confusion. It’s that time once again to talk some horror. I’ve had a busy fuckin’ week as summer is in full swing here in the Lone Star State but I still found a little time to peep out a horror movie. This week I’m going to talk about the movie “REEKER.” I know, it’s an odd title, and yes, I did think of some fart jokes butt I will spare you. Well, on second thought, I may throw in one or two for good measure. Anyway, before I start ramblin, let’s get to it.

“Reeker” is a made in the U.S.A. horror film that was released in March of 2005. Now I’m not sure here, but it would be a safe assumption to say that this film was one of those straight to DVD kinda deals. Not that it’s a bad thing, I’m just sayin.  It was written and directed by Dave Payne. I don’t know anything about the guy so if you wanna know more, you can Google him or something.  As far as the cast, the only person I knew was Michael Ironside. Who, by the way, is one of my favorite character actors. Remember “Top Gun?” ...”You’ll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit outta Hong Kong...”  Ah, memories. But yeah, the cast is mostly just random, obscure people that none of us has ever heard of.  Ok , enough. I know I’m babbling here. Let’s get to the plot, yes?

The film is about 5 college kids trapped at some hotel in the middle of nowhere who fall prey to, are you ready for this...A stinky grim reaper! That’s right, a stink reaper. A stinky reaper complete with power tools that he uses to drill and kill. Anyway, the kids try and escape, some do, some don’t and there you have it. I really wanna say more about the plot, but there really isn’t much more to say without totally fucking up the movie for those who are gonna watch this thing.

In my opinion, “Reeker” kinda stank.  Not a total shit bomb, but like half a shit bomb. However, there is one REALLY BIG TWIST in it, which I actually said, “HOLY SHIT! FAR FUCKIN OUT!!” I was really gonna bang on this thing, but like I said, after the aforementioned big twist, it  kinda made me hate it not as much. I mean it’s worth a watch just to see the twist. Which, by the way is the best part of the movie by far. So, if you find yourself with nothing to watch and you want to see a pungent grim reaper drill some college kids, give this one a try. Well, I guess let’s get to “REEKER’S” NUMBERS shall we.

BODY COUNT...5 (A low number, and most of the kills were somewhat anti-climatic)

SEVERINGS...Not sure on this one, there were some people with missing limbs, but you neversaw the actual slicing. So let’s give it a...3 (legless dude, and a dude with a missing arm)

SEX SCENES...0

NUDITY NUMBER...0 ( No sex, no nekkidness, what the fuck man?)

OTHER COOL SHIT....a stinky reaper with power tools, a dog with missing back legs, a shit load of dead animals, (I hope PETA wasn’t watching) a dude with half a head, a legless dude with tattered stumps, images of people that are all bloody, and some blood splatter here and there, and lets not forget the shimmery cloud of funk that hangs in the air.

GORE SCORE...3.5 out of a possible score of 10
MY SCORE...5 out of 10. I’ve seen better and I’ve seen worse. Just not enough gore and shit like that for me.

Well, that’s all I got for now. Until next time, take care, stay a-scared and I am out.