What Do I Worry About?

That seems like an easy question to answer. I worry about a lot of things, for example my grades and the army. But the thing I worry about most about is my future. It seems like a lot of people make it through, and by 'it' I mean school, university, relationships, kids... just life in general. But what if I don't? What if I'm different? Not good enough to make it through. A lot of people also fail life, so therefore they start taking drugs, selling their own bodies to strangers and start doing bad things just to make it through. I know I will never do that, I'll never take drugs (maybe once, just to try it but only ONCE) and I have way to much respect towards myself and others to harm.

The only problem I have is my grades. I don't think they are good enough, their just plain average. I mean I'm good at some subject's, but not the important ones like math and history. What do people like me do? You always hear about the successful people; who worked hard to get to where they are. You also hear about the people who are lucky enough to have a talent good enough to get them somewhere special. But I don't have a talent (at least I don't think so) and I never work hard enough for something. The thing is I know that’s a problem, but I don't do anything about it. So that worries me, will I ever have the willpower to do something great, and if I will, will it be too late for me?

I know I'm a nice person, but does being nice get you anywhere in life? And if so, Where? and is it a good place? Why is it that you can't  just be nice and everything will be okay. It seems so easy to get good grades, everybody gets them around me, so why can't I? Why is it that I know I have a problem but don't do anything about it?
Well that’s not true, I do study.I know this sounds stupid, but studying does help. It used to be that I never studied so therefore I never understood the question and didn't know what to answer, but now that I do study I do understand the question and I know what to answer. But that’s not good enough for the teachers, they pass me, but just with average grades. But not like the others they get great grades. Even though I know I shouldn't, I envy them. But we all deserve what we get in life, they worked harder then I and so therefore they get better benefits than me. At least there are some subjects I'm good at like English and art, the two things I'm actually interested in. Even though I know for sure that I want to have a carrier in journalism, I always think, am I good enough, I mean I know I'm good but what if there's someone better than me?

So I've just found out what really worries me by writing down my thoughts. That is that I'm not good enough, or that other people may not think that I'm not good enough either. I've just realized that the reason I think that is because everyone around me is doing better than I am. Why am I different, why can't I have the same willpower as everyone else and be as good as them? I know for sure that there are or have been other people like me in the world, but where are they now? And did they make it though successfully or did they fail it?   
And what is going to happen to me? Will I make it like others around me or will I fail? It's funny because when I try to picture my future I don't see anything, it's as if nothing is up to me, other people are in charge of my faith.