SLICE AND DICE...B MOVIE STYLE

A big YO and HELLO from deep in the heart of the Chicken Fried Nation. Hope ya'll are doin' peachy fuckin' keen in your

corner(s) of the universe. I was gonna do some zombie movie shit, but I aint feelin' it at the present. So, I'm-a-gonna tell you about this movie I watched this past week instead. But before I go there, how about a word from my sponsors.  Not really, I just wanted to say that. Allrighty then, enough foreplay, let me get to the movie.



This week, I watched the movie, 'Carver.' It was directed by Frankilin Guerrero Jr. and written by him as well. Who the fuck is Frankilin Guerrero Jr? Your guess is as good as mine. I haven't the foggiest. But he did put together a pretty good movie. I think it was released in 2008, this movie is kinda obsecure so the info I have on it is pretty scarce. But don't worry, I'll make some shit up as I go along.



As far as the cast goes, I have no clue who these people are or who they played in the movie so I won't list any. I know it sounds like I'm gonna bang on this movie, but really, I'm not. I enjoyed watching this lil' nugget. Let me tell ya about the plot.



'Carver's' plot is simple. There's no depth, no hidden meanings, no stupid ass back story, it's just a low budget slasher film. It's about a group of twenty somethings who go camping in the woods and run accross some bad ass hillbillies who like to film their murders. See, told you, simple. But sometimes simple is cool. And yeah, I know, it's been done. Crazed hillbillies are not an original idea, i.e. 'Wrong Turn' and 'Wrong Turn 2, 'House of 1000 Corpses,' and on and on. You get the point. This is just a simple guilty pleasure movie for horror fans. It's one of those movies you catch late night on Showtime and you watch it 'cause there aint jack shit on anyway. There's a ton of these kind of movies, some good, some are just down right awful. This movie, well, it depends what kind of movie watcher you are. I mean if you hate low budget shit, lots of nudity, and lots of blood, then this movie aint for you. If you haven't ever seen one of these kind of films, give 'Carver' a day in court. You could do worse.



Ok, let's get to the movie checklist/or stat sheet/ or whatever the hell you wanna call it. I'm still working on a title for that section. So in the mean, I'm just gonna call it 'NUMBERS'. If you got a better idea, I'll hear it. On we go.



CARVER'S NUMBERS



BODY COUNT...12 (a low number, but the kills were awesome)

SEVERED PARTS...3 (no heads though)

NUDITY NUMBER...4 (2 boob shots, 1 gaunch shot, and 1 ass shot) all nudity was female, YAY for me!!

SEX SCENES...1 (one is the loneliest number...)

OTHER SHIT...a backwoods county song that the hillbillies listen to as they kill their victims(which, P.S. is fuckin funny and well woth a listen, you got your throat slashing, you got a half naked girl getting nailed to the floor, a saw to the face, a sledge-hammer beating, broken bones, puke, nasty bathroom with shit on the walls, a shit filled toilet dumped on a guy(aka a rolling brown out) and oh yeah, the pice de resistance, a willy whackin! that's right, off with the twig and berries! OUCH!!



CRAVER'S RATINGS (All ratings are based on a 1-5 scale. 1 being the worst, 5 the best.)



GORE SCORE... 4 (this bad boy was bloody and down right nasty in some parts)

MY SCORE...2.5 (one of the better low budget slasher films I've seen)



To sum it up, this isn't a movie you should rush right out and watch, but if you catch it on cable and have the means, DVR this bad boy and give it a watch. Or maybe you find it in REDBOX and don't have shit to do that night. Rent it. It's only a buck. Well, that's all I got for the now. Until next time, take care, stay scared and I am out.