The ADHD Accolyte

            Tyler was an acolyte in church Sunday. Some of this story was related to me after the service and the rest I got to observe.

      Tyler performed his duties at the beginning of the service impeccably. He went to Sunday school and returned for the end of the service. However, he soon got bored sitting up the to the left of the altar. First, he tried to start a conversation with Father Al while Father Al was performing the service. When Tyler got no reply, he apparently thought that Father Al could not hear him so he spoke louder.

      Still no reply but Tyler moved onto a new tactic: Quite loudly he asked Father Al what song was going to be next. Now this was not Tyler being interested in singing the song but a way for him to judge how far along we were in the service. Father Al again did not reply.

    So Tyler entertained himself by dismantling the kneeler from the Pri Dieu in front of him. He holds the kneeler in the air above his head and asked quite loudly, "What's this for?" I have no idea if he got an answer to this. This was about the time I walked into the service after cleaning up the Sunday school room (please note that Tyler has only been back in the church for the sum total of ten minutes.)

    Now I was in one of the back pews of the church with my daughter, Alyssa and looked up and noticed that Tyler is apparently talking to the cinder blocks that make up one wall to his side. As I continue to watch, he began to slap the wall. Part of me wants to cringe and hide any knowledge of giving birth to my child while another part of me wanted to storm up there and pull him out of church by his ear (at this point I am unaware what had already happened).

      Finished with his punishment of the wall, he turned his attention to his desk portion of the Pri Dieu. At first the top of the desk became a launching platform for some sort of imaginary missile system. Apparently the missiles had reached and destroyed their opponent because he was now attempting to stick his head inside the mouth of a lion, aka the desk, and the lion was letting go. (At this point, I began to have great fears that he would get his head stuck and we would have to stop the church service for the firemen to come and retrieve this poor child's head from the jaws of that evil desk.)

    Angels were looking after him and he safely pulled his head free. He now turned his attention to rocking in his folding chair. At this point I was trying to use my best ESP and "mommy glare" to get him to behave himself. This was the WRONG thing to do! He saw me and smiled and rocked harder. All of a sudden he disappeared from sight. The chair was still there sitting upright but now my dearly beloved child was on the floor.

      There were no tears. He had not hurt himself (as I certainly wanted to do to him). No, now he is a sniper on the hunt of some evil alien. He would disappear from sight and then suddenly a few feet to the left you would see his head pop up. He would disappear again and now his head popped up a few feet to the right. Finally he found the alien, slayed him and returned to his seat.

      We are coming to the last song (thanks be to God). A mother in front of me turned to me and said, "He certainly lends a new air of solemnity to the service." I noticed that tears are running from her eyes. I too have tears but mine were not from laughing...

      Tyler was now returning back up the aisle after the recessional and we were getting close to the benediction (the end was in sight!)... Here I must break to explain that Tyler had been having difficulty getting his candle back into its holder. But not today… Today he got it on the first try. He was just as proud as anyone who has just scored a touchdown. In fact, that was what he did-- a touchdown dance--on the altar!

    I thank God for the loving family my church has become.There are far too many churches that do not accept our children as members of the church family especially when they have special needs.  And I am sure that there were a couple of church members who tut-tutted about this but, as a whole, the church just enjoyed the show.  Believe me, I did talk to Tyler about his behavior after I stopped laughing.