The Other Side of the Door

On the Other Side of the Door



The door was closed. I could hear the flop and bounce of her petite body as she threw herself on the bed. Now the flood of tears on her pillow had begun. In a few minutes she would wrap her arms around her faithful companion, Annie, the teddy bear her father won for her when she was eight, and complain about how I was the worst mother in the world. How if I had it my way I would never let her grow up.



Of course, in the far reaches of every mother’s soul we do not want our child to grow up. At the same time we are excited to witness the person they become as they grow. My need to be “Mother of Year,” had been replaced with my need to protect my child. What business did three teenage girls have driving to South Padre for Spring Break. In what world did this seem like a good idea. College boys, alcohol and who knows what other substances, and my baby girl, I don’t think so.



My father’s voice began echoing my head, “As long as you live in my house, you will follow my rules. End of discussion!” After hearing those words you knew the discussion had ended. Hearing the sound of my daughter’s tears made me start to doubt myself. Was I turning into my parents? Was I just as close-minded to the needs of a teenage girl as they had been? Would my daughter look back at this day and vow, as I did as least a hundred times, “I will never be like her!”



We both needed time and space before starting round two of this discussion.

***************

The door closed and I propelled myself onto my bed. Landing face first on the pillows and began to sob. I knew that she was still standing on the other side of the closed door. Would she burst into my room with the old, “We are not done discussing this young lady.” or would she leave and ready herself for round two.



I spread my arms across the bed and felt the soft fur of Annie, the teddy bear that I have had since I was eight. She had spent the last nine years sharing in my joys and heartaches. “Annie how come she can’t see it from my point of view?”



“I know, I know she is only thinking about my safety,” I said as I rolled onto my back and held Annie at arms length over my head, “she is also always telling me how smart I am. Why can’t she just trust my judgment?” I brought Annie in for a tight hug. “When I have a daughter I won’t smother her. I will let her go anywhere she wants to go when she is a senior in high school! And trust her to make the right decisions.”



I heard it the moment my mother’s footsteps drifted away from my door. Was there a little sadness in her stride? Could she be regretting the hasty decision that she made? Could the guilt of breaking her only daughter’s heart be weighing heavily on her?



My mother had a nervous stomach and tended to get nauseated easily. Was this argument making her sick? Was she making her way to the kitchen right now to find saltine crackers and a Diet Dr. Pepper to settle her ailing stomach? “Good, I hope she pucks!” I said in a huff to Annie.



I felt instant guilt before the words left my mouth. I did not want my mom to get sick because of our argument. I just wanted to go to South Padre and spend Spring Break with my friends. “Ugh” I sighed as I flipped back over onto my stomach, and took two more deep breaths as I closed my eyes. The last thought I had before drifting off to sleep, “ Can I really enjoy myself on this trip if it makes my mom sick?” “Yes” I told myself with a wicked little grin.



The high pitched beep of my cell phone woke me. When I clicked on the screen it revealed that I had a new text message from Gracie, “What did your mom say?”



The question brought all the anger I had earlier boiling to the surface. I punched in my response, “NO!!!” After hitting the send button I continued to talk to myself, “I hope she doesn’t think that she will have any say in where I go on Spring Break next year! I will be in college and I am not asking mommy for money or permission then!” I was starting to get riled up when my phone beeped again. I hit the button to read the text, just knowing that Gracie would totally agree with me. The message read, “Mine 2”



“What?” I said aloud to no one. My reply text read, “Meg?”



“No response.” was Gracie’s immediate reply. It looked like all of parents were of the same mindset. After reading the text I decided to tell my mom that she did not have to worry about my Spring Break plans. “I am going to tell her this is the last major decision in my life she is going to influence!” I rolled off the bed, stomped to the door, that I almost ripped off the hinges in my hurry to get out of the room.

　

***********

“I know, I know, but Jillie seeing the disappointment and anger on her face just broke my heart.” I said into my cell phone to my best friend. I called her as I walked to the kitchen after having the bedroom door slammed in my face. I had known Jillie since I was 10 years-old, she was more like a sister than friend. My daughter affectionately called her Aunt Jillie. “It isn’t that I don’t trust her, it’s that I don’t trust other people.”



I stood up and started pacing the kitchen, agitated at my own thoughts, “What if they had car problems on the way down, or got separated, or robbed or worse! I don‘t want to think about all the things that could go wrong, she means everything to me!”

　

**************

“She means everything to me!” my mother nearly screamed into the phone. The power of her voice startled me motionlessly. I knew that she had to be talking to my Aunt Jillie. Of course she would call Jillie for support and counseling, why didn’t I think to call Jillie before talking to my mom? Jillie would have been a powerful ally. Of course, I thought my mom would allow me this first taste of freedom.



“What?” I said after hearing my mother’s voice and looking up to see her looking directly at me. She had hung up the phone while I was having my internal conversation.



“Are you ready to finish our talk or get something to eat?” she repeated stiffly. I could tell my her stance, arms folder across her chest with one hip leaning again the counter, that she was expecting another battle.



“There is nothing to discuss, Gracie’s dad said ‘no’ too.” I stated as I stalked into the kitchen and plopped down on one of the kitchen table chairs. “Looks like I will be spending my Spring Break here with you in the cold and snow.”



“I am sorry you are disappointed.” She pushed away from the counter, so she was standing up straight.



“No you aren’t.” I accused. “This is exactly what you wanted, me to stay home over Spring Break.” I knew yelling was no way to get through to my mother, she would just shut down, so I tried the tactic that had worked for me since I was three. I looked at her through huge blue eyes that looked like I was on the verge of crying, pushed out my lower lip some and sighed loudly. “This is one of the last times my friends and I will be able to take a trip like this.” I sighed and looked up at the corner of the ceiling, appearing to fight off the tears. “Next year we will be at three different colleges and we will barely see each other. How often do you think the three of us will be home at the same time again?”



I knew this tactic was not working when my mother simply stated “Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring Break and all summer. This Spring Break trip is not your last opportunity to go away with your friends, it’s your first opportunity to go on a trip with your friends. There will be other opportunities for this trip.”



“When I’m 30 and too old to enjoy it!” I huffed, throwing my arms up in the air and turning away from mother and departing the kitchen.



“Why don’t you and your friends consider a location that is closer to home? Or a weekend trip?” she suggested.



I turned back around with my wide eyes and mouth hanging open, “You would let me take a weekend trip?”



“I would consider it. The problem is not with you wanting to take a trip with your friends. The problem lays in that you wanted to go to a popular Spring Break destination for an entire week.” She walked toward me as she talked. Reaching me she placed her hands on the upper part of each of my arms and continuing to hold eye-contact she said, “No, I don’t think you are ready for a trip like that, but I think you are ready for a weekend trip.”



“A weekend trip is not South Padre, but it is a trip without parents.” I smiled and moved in to hug my mom. “I'm going to call Gracie and Meg and see what they think.” After saying that I got this sinking feeling, what if my friend’s parents didn’t agree to this.



“If I am agreeable to your proposal, I will talk to your friends’ parents.” How did she know what I was thinking, when I just thought it? There was no time to consider this, I had to call my friends.



I squeezed her a little tighter before pulling away and started to walk out of the room, “I’m going to call my friends.” I paused in the doorway, “Thanks mom! I love you!”





Word Count: 1735