part 4 - comedy - screenplay

        continued screenplay
                                                           

                                                          EXT- DAY- HOLLYWOOD

fade in- (split screen), showing Drew and Jack walking down two different sidewalks. large crowds walking in both directions. both
            facing straight head in serious manner. " it might be you " by stephen bishop is playing. Drew almost trips but catches
    his  fall. grabs bottom of his shoe.  the crowd pays no attention as he keeps marching on. both arrive at their destination. (aumage tootsie)
   
           
                                                          INT-DAY-STUDIO

cut to-  camera's everywhere, half a dozen people or so with earphones and thin wirely mikes in front of thier mouths.  A middle age
            guy with a receding hairline barking orders at everyone.  set looks like a dog park. fake bushes and tree's. with the park
            bench centered, to grab the most attention.

                                                                                  DREW
                                                                " HI, WHERE DO YOU WANT ME. "

                                                                                    DIRECTOR
                                                                " GIVE ME A MINUTE, BUD. YOU GOT YOUR
                                                                    LINES DOWN ? "

                                                                                    DREW
                                                                  " GOOD TO GO "

angle to-  pit bull wondering around the set without the owner in sight- the fake grassy turf catches the dogs eye. squats and lets out
                a big ol deuce and half.

angle to-  drew and the director watching the dog take a big ol shit. looks at each other. director shakes his head.

                                                                            DIRECTOR
                                                                " CLEAN UP ON SET ONE. "(PAUSE) AND WILL SOMEONE
                                                                    FIND THIS MUTTS OWNER, PRONTO !!!  NOW!!

angle- to the pit bull- now sniffing his own creation. then digs in. eats it all up. yum, yum.

                                                                            DIRECTOR
                                                                  " NEVERMIND THE CLEAN UP " (PAUSE) BE READY TO GO
                                                                    ON IN TEN.

                                                                              DREW
                                                                  " OK, COOL. THANK YOU. "

angle to- owner of the dog pops into the room . happy as a little bee in a flower, about to lay a seed.

                                                                                DOG OWNER
                                                              " THERE YOU ARE, ROSCO. IVE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU "

close up-  owner kneeling down petting rosco behind the ears. rosco gets excited and starts licking the owner all over the face
                and with the owners mouth half open the dog sticks its tounge half way down the guys throat.

                                                                                  DOG OWNER
                                                              " WHO'S A GOOD DOG, YOU ARE, YES YOU ARE.
                                                                (PAUSE) EWWW, WHO FORGOT TO BRUSH THIER TEETH THIS
                                                                MORNING. YOU DID, YES YOU DID..... "

angle to-  drew and the director look at those two go at it, then look at each other with a weird awkward spaced out look.

                                                                                DIRECTOR
                                                                      " UM, OK.  IN TEN. "

                                                                                DREW
                                                                      " UM, YYEEAA, TEN "

side view- both still grossed out with what they saw, head off into different directions to prepare.


cut to- rear view-  Drew sitting on the bench, with rosco on a leash beside him. director seen in his chair with all the lights and
                          camera's behind him.


                                                                        DIRECTOR
                                                          " OK, QUIET EVERYONE, THREE, TWO, ONE.  ACTION  !! "


angle on-  Drew and rosco- with a few extra's, hired to walk thier dogs passed the park bench.

                                                                            DREW
                                                    " HI, THIS IS ROSCO. AND WHEN WE GO TO THE DOG PARK TOGETHER
                                                        I WANT HIM TO HAVE A ROCKIN GOOD TIME. THATS
                                                        WHY I GIVE HIM DOGGY POWER. THE FIRST DOG ENERGY BUISCUT THAT GIVES HIM THE ENERGY AND STAMINA TO PLAY ALL DAY. NO MORE LAYING AROUND THE HOUSE FOR HIM. RIGHT ROSCO?

angle to- camera's focus off of Drew to get a shot of rosco supposedly to jump up in the air to Drew. but instead the camera
              shows rosco humpin the hell out of drews leg, a mile a minute.

                                                                            DIRECTOR
                                                                " CUT !!  CUT !! CUT !!, WHOEVER FUCKIN GAVE THE
                                                                  MUTT THE PRODUCT BEFORE SHOOTING. IS FIRED. JESUS, LOOK AT HIM.
                                                                  LIKE HE JUST SNIFFED UP ALL OF STEVEN TYLER'S COKE, WITH AN EXTRA
                                                                  OUNCE TO BOOT. FUCK IT, SOMEONE GIVE THAT DOG SOME VALIUM.
                                                                   
                                                                 
cut to- drew finally shaking rosco off his leg. to then rosco finding a fluffy little poodle to deflower, with the owner trying to shoo
it away.


fade
angle to- another downtown LA set. modern type kitchen with an island style counter in the middle with high legged chairs. about
              everyone noticing Jack as he makes his entrance.

                                                                                DIRECTOR 2
                                                                        "  HEY, YOU, OVER THERE. YOUR LATE
                                                                            WE GOT TO BE OUT OF HERE BY 1.

                                                                                  JACK
                                                                          " SORRY, DUDE. WAS STAR GAZING ON THE WAY
                                                                              DOWN HERE. LOOK I GOT WEEMAN'S AUTOGRAPH.

                                                                                DIRECTOR 2
                                                                              " WEEMAN, YOU HELD OUT PRODUCTION FOR WEEMAN,
                                                                                FUCKING WEEMAN.

angle to- director walking off in disgust- jack see's a 3 year old crying and having a huge temper tantrum. the mother ignoring
            her son to flirt with one of the camera guys.  the noise of this little creedant is starting to really annoy jack. the kid wonders
            over right near jack.  jack turns around with the kids face a few inches from jacks ass. while seeming to be busy looking
            over at something on the set. lets out an enormous fart. the kids hair can be seen wavering from the smelly wind. stops
            his tantrum in its tracks. starts to wobble like he just drank a fifth of scotch. Jack seemingly side steps out of the area.
            with a innocent , what happened look.

cut to- Jack dressed in a purple square costume. with a box of cereal in one hand and a jug of milk in the other. standing in back
          of the island counter with the kid sitting there off to the right of jack. kid has this stunned, feared look. like he just saw the
          cookie monster. or a look a boyfriend makes when is girlfriend makes him watch the devil wears prada for the third time.


                                                                              JACK
                                    "  HI KIDS, IM FRUITY SUGAR SQUARES. THE SWEETEST CEREAL ON THE MARKET.
                                        SO IF YOU HAVE A SWEET TOOTH OR HECK JUST TRYING TO BALANCE OUT YOUR
                                        DIABETE LEVELS. THEN THIS IS THE CEREAL FOR YOU. ONE BOWL OF FRUITY SUGAR
                                        SQUARES. AND YOUR KID WILL BE SO ALERT AND HYPER FOR HIS DAY AT SCHOOL. THAT
                                        WHEN HE COMES HOME. HE WILL HAVE USED UP ALL OF THAT NERVOUS RACKED UP
                                        ENERGY ON HIS TEACHERS. AND LEAVE YOU, MOM AND DAD WITH A QUIET AND TIRED KID.
                                        WHAT WE CALL THE CRASH MODE. SO NOT ONLY DO KIDS LOVE ARE CEREAL. PARENTS
                                        LOVE ARE CEREAL TOO.  RIGHT LITTLE JIMMY....


angle to- little jimmy now with a crazed, feared look. then breaks down crying and screaming again.

                                                                              LITTLE JIMMY
                                                                  " MOMMMYYYY "

fade to- 
                                                                EXT-LATE AFTERNOON- CONDO POOL SIDE

cut to-  Jack and Drew layed out on some pool side chairs. brews in hand. enjoying the nice scenery-wink wink   


                                                                                      DREW
                                                                          " MAN, IT BLEW CHUNKS TODAY. 25 TAKES
                                                                              IT TOOK. AND THATS NOT INCLUDING THE TIME
                                                                              WE HAD TO WAIT FOR THEM TO NEUTER ROSCO.


                                                                                      JACK
                                                                              " YOU THINK YOU HAD IT ROUGH. TRY 50 TAKES.
                                                                                AND GETTING SPIT  AND PISSED ON.  NOT BY THE KID
                                                                                MIND YOU. BUT FROM THE DIRECTOR HIMSELF. 

                                                                                        DREW
                                                                              " WELL AT LEAST WE GOT PAID.

                                                                                        JACK
                                                                                " WHO'S THE TWO HARDEST WORKING CATS IN SHOW BUSINESS."

                                                                                          DREW
                                                                                  " WE ARE "

                                                                                          JACK
                                                                                    " DAMN SKIPPY " AND I'M NOT REFERRINGTO THE
                                                                                  PEANUT BUTTER I RUBBED ON MY DICK TO GET RID OF THAT COLD
                                                                                    SORE THE OTHER NIGHTEITHER.
           
                                                                                    JACK AND DREW
                                                                                    " CHEERS " 

angle to-  some hot naked ladies playing marco polo in the pool.

                                                                                          DREW
                                                                                    " SO I CALLED GRAMPS. SAYS HE HAS A
                                                                                      FEW AUDITIONS FOR US.

                                                                                          JACK
                                                                                    " COOL, BUT TONIGHT WE CELEBRATE. ONE OF THE GUYS
                                                                                      AT THE SHOOT INVITED ME TO STRIP POKER NIGHT HE'S
                                                                                      HAVING AT HIS PLACE. AND PROMISED ME THEIR IS GOING
                                                                                        BE SOME HOT PU-TANG THERE.

                                                                                            DREW
                                                                                    " SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN STAN "

                                                                                              JACK
                                                                                    " WHO'S STAN ?? "

                                                                                              DREW
                                                                                      " ITS AN EXPRESSION, NEVER MIND " ANYWAY I'M
                                                                                        GOING TO GET READY "

angle to- drew going up to the apartment. Jack stripping off his shorts and jumping into the pool, belly flop style.

                                                                                          HOT NAKED GIRL
                                                                                      " MARCO "

                                                                                          OTHER HOT GIRLS AND JACK (SPLASH)
                                                                                      " POLO !!

angle to- after the tidal wave belly flop that nearly drowned all the ladies                                                                                         
              jack makes his way to the shallow end of the water.his peter out in the
              open with all the ladies watching. arching his back with a menacing look.

                                                                                JACK
                                                                    " OK LADIES, WHO WANTS TO FIND WALDO. "

                                                                                  NAKED LADY 1
                                                                      " I DON'T KNOW WHERE WALDO IS. BUT I THINK WE FOUND
                                                                      WHERE TINY TIM HAS BEEN HIDING OUT "

                                                                                    NAKED LADY 2
                                                                              " HEY, THAT'S WHERE I DROPPED MY TIC TAC. 

                                                                                    NAKED LADY 3
                                                                                "  YOU LOOK FAMILIAR. ARE YOU THE GUY THAT PLAYED IN GET
                                                                                    SHORTY,  OHH NO NO NO. YOU WERE ON THAT SITCOM
                                                                                      SMALL WONDER.
                                                                                     
                                                                                      NAKED LADY 1
                                                                                " WOW YOUR RIGHT. ITS SUCH A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL. "

                                                                                          JACK
                                                                                  " TO MY DEFENSE. IT IS A LITTLE CHILLY OUT HERE.
                                                                                      NOT USED TO THE CALIFORNIA DRAFT.  SEE, I GOT GOOSE
                                                                                      BUMPS.

                                                                                          NAKED LADY 2
                                                                                    " LET ME TAKE A LOOK.  NA IT LOOKS MORE LIKE A CASE OF THE SMALL COCKS TO ME. OH!! I MEAN SMALL POX.

angle to- jack red in the face embarassed. scoots out of the pool very humbly. with his hand over his junk. while the ladies
              laugh in the background.

                                                                  INT-NIGHT-APARTMENT

over view- jack on the shitter in the bathroom while drew waits for him to get going so they can leave.

                                                                  DREW
                                              " YOU ALMOST READY, "

                                                                    JACK
                                          " DAMN, TOILET PAPER HOLDER JUST BROKE. BE OUT IN A MINUTE."

angle to- jack looking around for the screws for the dispenser. thinks for a sec out loud. then bangs on the bathroom side wall.  a second later an errect penis slowly makes its grand entrance through the glory hole. jack looks at it. then shugs his shoulders and puts the toilet paper
roll on the penis. then unravels some tp to finish up his buisness.

                                                                    JACK ( RAISED VOICE)
                                              " THANKS BIG PETE "

angle to - Jack with a grimisng look as he is trying to unload a torpedo. Pete responds with two loud knocks in response.

                                              EXT- NIGHT- SUBURBIA LA 

jack and drew driving down surburbin  los angelos roads. drews nose starts to twitch.

                                                                      DREW
                                            " LITTLE OVER BOARD ON THE COLOGNE, DON'T U THINK ?"

                                                                      JACK
                                              " ITS LADY-KILLER BY JAKE COUSTOUGE. ITS THE HOTTEST NEW FRAGRANCE
                                                  ON THE MARKET. " GURANTEED  TO KNOCK THE LADIES OUT."

                                                                        DREW
                                                  "  THAT'S WHAT I'M AFRAID OF. LETS KEEP THE CASUALTIES DOWN TO A MINIMUM TONIGHT "

front view- drew takes out his binacka and squirts a couple in his mouth and then turns it on Jack on an all out sprayathon.

                                                                      JACK
                                                      " DUDE, STOP IT. CMON, (PAUSE)  OK THERE IS HIS HOUSE, PULL IN RIGHT HERE."

angle to- jack and drew seen walking up to the front door- nice california one level home. jack rings the doorbell- a guy thats more flaming
              the a chicken kabob cracklin on the grill answers the door. wearing the tightest blue jean shorts imaginable.

                                                                    JEAN
                                      " WELCOME, SO GLAD U GUYS CAN MAKE IT. NOW WE HAVE ENOUGH FOR A SIXSOME (GIGGLES)

angle to- they walk into the front foyer to see another guy and two females one more masculant then all four guys put together,including
              jack and drew. all sitting indian style except for the one they cant make out whether its a woman or a man. she's got her legs
        spread wide. pop up table in middle with playing cards and mixed drinks scattered along. the lighting very dimmed with floresant light colors mainly in pink and purple, lighting up the room. a huge gay pride flag hovering over one of the walls right next to a giant picture of
nathan lane. they all start wiggling thier noses and sniffing a little harder than usual, like a dog trying to sniff out his lost bone.

                                                                              JEAN (FINGER POINTS)
                                              " PLEASE GENTLEMAN, HAVE A SEAT IN THE CIRCLE OF QUEENDOME. THATS LACY
             
                                                                                LACY
                                                    " HI GUYS (GIGGLES)

                                                                            JEAN
                                                                      "  THATS BUTCH "

                                                                              BUTCH (WINK)
                                                                          " YO, HOWS IT HANGING. BOYS " MINE A LITTLE TO THE LEFT AND DANGLING
                                                                            LOW."

                                                                              JEAN
                                                                  " AND ELLIOT, HANDS OFF BOYS, THAT MY TINKERBELL. (LAUGHS) WE GOT
                                                              GREEN APPLE MARTINIS ALL AROUND, EXCEPT FOR BUTCH SHE ONLY DRINKS
                                                                MOONSHINE.

                                                                                  BUTCH( BURPS)
                                                                      " ENOUGH WITH THE INTRO SHIT, SIT UR CANDYASSES DOWN AND LETS PLAY
                                                                      SOME STRIP POKER. "

angle to- Drew and jack still in shock mode expression. on what the hell did they just get them selves into. strip poker with two flaming gay guys. a butch lesbian, ironically named butch. that has a voice that sounds just like james earl jones. and ah yes a hot sexy girl that is arm
draped and protected by butch.