Theres got to be someone

“for god’s sake do something…” that’s usually followed by “ with yourself “ or “ with your life “ in my case. My parents, teachers, friends and once my little sister all said that to me one time or another during my time on this forsaken planet . They said I was throwing my life away by doing nothing . I didn’t do sports , drama , singing and all that other junk. I was the guy in our year who is known for doing nothing. But I thought I could change… I could be the druggie of the class, or the raging alcoholic , maybe even the class clown . I don’t know why but they didn’t appeal to me…



but I said id give it a try.



‘So ,where does one get drugs so easily ?‘ You may ask yourself .behind the school hall is the simple answer. John “ drugs mule “ Murray never expected to see me slinking around the corner to buy a crafty fag and bag of weed. He grunted instead of saying goodbye as I walked away, looking from the wad of money then back to me.



I ran home and stared at the bag. My parents would blow a fuse if they caught me with this…or would they jump in joy that I was doing something with myself?. Stupid questions I thought and ripped it open. I had no clue how to smoke ,sniff, or inject this thing into me but I soon got the hang of it . By my second week on drugs I was best friends with john Murray. My friends watched me warily every day whispering and texting between themselves . Finally one of my best friends came up to me with the courage to talk .



“Colin “ he said eyes darting around the assembly hall. We were in a corner so nobody could hear us



“yeah” I laughed still half on some powder I sniffed that morning



“what’s …what’s up with you these past days ?” he said quietly



“ what are you saying man?” I laughed again falling against the wall behind me



“Im saying why are you acting so …doped up ?”



“duh! ‘because I am ‘doped up’!”



“you mean …” he said widening his eyes



“what ? Im not following “



His eyes rolled and he sighed out loud” why are you doing this ?”



“because I felt like it “ I said with a bit of attitude



“no seriously why ?… is this because mr o keeffe keeps shouting at you?”



“no…it about everyone giving me hassle!!” I said a little louder



“you shouldn’t act out this way Colin ! Its really bad for you “



“so is having people put you down every single day !!”



He sighed and looked down “I cant wait to say I told you so “



“you’ll be waiting along time my friend “



“I don’t want to be a friend with a druggie “ he spat and walked away.



Well! What a little drama queen ! He’ll be happier in his uptight-go-with-the-rules-life I thought



For the next few days I sat with john and his friends. They were nice and they acted like I wasn’t doing drugs-they were probably too high to notice . If I sat with my old gang they would have looked down at me and treated me like a stain on their expensive clothes.



A few days went by and suddenly john stopped coming to lunch and school altogether .I was in need of a high and my memories were coming back to haunt my dreams . I sat wringing my hands like some crazy person and lunch.



“where’s john these days?” I tried to keep the edge and desperation out of my voice…and failed



“oh he got caught with his stash. he’s in jail now “ some stoner kid said



“oh “ was all I could say.



jail?



That word shocked me to the core. I went to a trip there in my primary school. The prisoners went on riot when we were being shown the central command centre. They bashed in the bullet proof windows till they cracked a little. We all had to stay in that horrible tin can of a centre because once the alarm sounded the doors locked . There were 15 police officers with guns with us but I still felt panicked . The way they stared through the glass as they banged on it with their bare fists looked like they were picturing your head where the glass was . Now imagine being in with them …on the other side of the glass. It sent shivers down my spine.



I gave up drugs.



If I did something illegal I would get sent there for most of my life .which I didn’t want to do. Ever. It was hard but I gave them up. Two weeks after john went away I was clean as a whistle. My friends accepted me back and all was well. Until Laura came along that’s when things went down …and stayed down. Laura burn was the most popular girl in our year A.K.A every girl, except her two airhead friends ,gossiped and sneered at her, every guy wanted to be with her , and I hated her living guts. She was that girl that thought she could get everything and she did . Any shoe , item of clothing , hairstyle,…and guy. Except me and as all the love stories say they always get attracted to the guy they hate. As she did but not in the way the books have it. She came up to me after school when everywhere was abandoned. I sighed when I saw her coming. great.



“hey Colin…so the word is you do drugs?” she said chewing gum bouncing in her open mouth. Yuck!



“I used to …im clean “



She laughed ”you’ll never be clean “



“what do you know about drugs little miss plastic ? Won’t your nose melt with solvent abuse ?”



“ha-ha you are so funny “ she said dryly “ but in fact iv been using and dealing since in was 15 “ that explained the popularity



I shrugged “ and you come to me why exactly?”



“since drug mule johns gone away I thought you might need a lift. His stuff was so grade C…mines grade A”



“oh really?” I crossed my arms



“yeah straight of a boat from Mexico where all the pure stuff is “



“well, thanks . But no thanks “I pushed past her



“don’t you feel the urge ?” she called after me



“what ?” I said turning



“the feeling that you are sinking …all those bad times, probably the reasons why you started using, resurfacing ? “



“nope “ I shook my head



“really?”



“yeah “



“you’re a good liar…I like that “ she smirked



“bye “ I walked away



That night I sat on the couch with my uncle Vernon and thought about what she said. I hadn’t felt those feelings I had before I officially stopped …maybe because I didn’t stop to think. Uncle Vern coughed next to me and then I noticed I wasn’t thinking again. Vern got busted one time for using cocaine. He had to got through rehab and came out alright.



“Vern ?” I asked



“yeah “ he said scratching his ratty hair



“how did you stop the craving for cocaine after you got caught?”



“I didn’t get caught …I was ratted out …“ he said and I rolled my eyes as he went on and on about how he thinks his friend ratted him out to the cops. I heard this a million and ten times.



“Vern ! Meant how did you get over you addiction?”



“ well the people in the centre almost chained me to the bed and starved me to get me to stop wanting them every five minutes at the start . But when I came down a notch they started to show me ways of distracting myself when I feel the urge…”



“which was …?” I egged on



“to drink some power mush they gave me the recipe for”



“do you till have it?” I asked excitedly



“no” he laughed” I threw that out the day I got out of there. But I still use the method “



“with what ?”



“this “ he lifted a brown paper bag and swirled it around before taking a good hard chug of it . Alcohol, whiskey by the smell of it.



“and it works ?” I asked



“yep!” he smiled, drunk as always.



I mulled it over in my head. I could just sip when I got the urge not chug it like uncle Vern. What’s the worst that could happen ? Right? Its not illegal to drink? And ill only drink inside my house so I wont get picked up by the police.



Problem solved !…well I thought it was.



So I started drinking . At the start it was under control. Then at night I gradually started to drink more when my parents would they had no problem with my small amounts as long as they were there and I didn’t do anything rash. I didn’t . I got hammered as my parents watched. Sounds fun huh?



One day at school I saw a brown paper bag being secretly being handed around our lunch room. My eyes popped open and I almost ran over to the bag. I stood by the group and held out my hand. A girl with brown hair and eyes to match smiled and handed it to me. I took and sip and handed it back.



“thanks “ I said handing it back



“no problem “ the girl smiled



I headed back to my group and sat down. Emily , the biggest snob of your group ,turned her nose up at the group that were secretly drinking .



“what the hell do they think they are doing? Drinking in school is so stupid. They will obviously get caught “



“yeah” someone added as we all looked over. The girl who gave me the bottle saw me and waved .I half waved at her and looked around . About 7 curious and angry eyes looked back.



“why did she wave at you ?” Emily demanded



“she’s my friend I know her “ I said shrugging



“well we don’t socialise with alcoholics” she sneered



I looked at my hands. I was wringing them . My tempers getting the best of me again. The drugs took care of that but now I kept biting my lips and tongue when , mostly Emily , flicks insults around like she does with her hair. But now I had to much of her



“will you stop that ?” I said



“what was that Colin? “ she said a bit of dominance came into her voice.



“I said why are you so mean ? just because your cold on the inside doesn’t mean you have to be on the outside “



Her eyebrows fell and her bottom lip jutted out making the gloss splashed on it glitter. “smart coming from the boy with no potential “



“clever coming from the girl with no personality” I replied coolly



Her mouth popped open “ how dare you …”



“how dare I? you’re the one going around knocking people down “



“at least im not knocking down pills !” she spat



I gave her my best death stare. She sat back from her pre-catfight pose.



“Exactly” she snorted



I looked around the circle . They all looked appalled at me .not even my oldest friends looked at me with a little sympathy.



“so that’s how it is “ I huffed and got up, walked to the group drinking and sat down in the space they made for me. In seconds I was laughing and smiling all the while feeling the stares burn my back as the alcohol burned my throat.



A few weeks later and days seemed to flow together. I drank at night and came into school with a hangover or still a bit drunk. I was never in pain . The burning I felt from my dying drug habit was dulling by every bottle I finished. The problem was my memory and my general coherence was slipping. I never listened to people unless they spoke about drinking . I couldn’t remember most times I got drunk, never mind what I did while drunk. I was climbing in the social ladder in my new group as my old one sneered at me …some looked worried. Or did I imagine that ? I didn’t care . not then anyway .



As all addicts do, I soon just concentrated on how I was getting my next drink. I couldn’t tell you if your name was Jake or Mary as along as you were giving me my drink im happy with you. That ultimately led to my downfall but I didn’t see it coming. I had been hanging round with these rough kids who don’t go to school anymore down an alley and we were, as always , drinking.



“so, why did you get into all of this?” one kid asked me.



“I don’t know …I felt like I had to do something ….anything” I said taking a drink. washing down the knot in my throat.



“ oh yeah .didn’t you do drugs before?” another asked



“yeah ” I took another drink



“for how long ?did it feel good?”



“for about 2-3 weeks and yeah it did “



“cool, who dealt it to you ?”



“john Murray?” I said and was shocked I actually remembered his name.



“oh really? didn’t he go down for it though?”



“yeah ,he got caught…poor guy “



“yeah” he took a swig of his dark liquid.



I opened my mouth to say something but I was interrupted by a group of teenagers wither my age or younger walking down the alley…loudly.



“oh and here’s the alcoholics!” one boomed loudly



“shut up “ one guy mumbled to him



“no I wont …they are worthless and they should know it “ he was shoved by a laughing friend



The group walked past us but one stopped and stared at me



“Colin ?, God you’ve gone down hill” he said



“leave me alone” I said not looking at him



He sighed and shuffled on.



I started to feel sick. I usually got sick if I drank to much but this felt different. my throat and mouth began to water as I was going to get physically sick, my vision went blurry.



“hey Colin, are your alright? You look a bit blue “someone that I couldn’t see said



I tried to say im alright but I just garbled something unintelligible.



The next thing I knew I was keeling over and hauling up whatever I had in the past 24 hours. I couldn’t stop . My throat was burning and my head was starting to throb like someone was in there beating on a base drum. I could hear the sounds of disgust form the others in the group but I kept vomiting. I finally stopped and gasped for breath that wasn’t there. I started to spasm uncontrollably then and my head beat against the floor several times. my vision got worse and I began seeing things like I was in a tunnel. The last thing I saw was one of the guys bending over me ,Swaying due to the drink ,but looking down at me.



“are you alright?” his voiced echoed to me



I inhaled and the world went black.



I went in to a coma.



They were the worst moments of my life. I could hear them as they rushed me to hospital and the doctor mulling over me. I was in bad shape to them. I could hear my mum crying, my little sister and dad tried to calm her to no avail. they sat by my bed for I don’t know how long just talking to me . The doctors came in and gave them bad news. I had gotten serious alcohol poisoning and due to my drug use before I had damaged my brain and airways. My stomach was in bits because of the drinking and my brain again was damaged severely. I got a lot of seizures while I was in my hospital bed. I fell out of the bed once when my mum or the nurse didn’t watch me .my memory got worse with every one . I Could only remember the previous day then it was nothing. They put me on a ventilator because the walls of my oesophagus were breaking down. A while later …



They turned it off.



As my breath shortened and my life slipped my eyes opened and caught the most hurtful and selfish scene I have ever seen. when my eyes opened for the first time in days, weeks, or months, I caught sight of my mother holding my hand, my father had his hand on her shoulder and my sister tucked into my mothers side. All their eyes were red and swollen their faces not much different. My sister broke down and turned Into my mothers side. I was making them hurt …and why ? So I could be somebody? I was so selfish not to think what this would do to them. My poor family never mind john Murray!. They must have gone through torture when I was in here. my mother saw my eyes open and she shot forward to see hope and life spark in my eyes



But I was gone.



At my funeral my old best friend came up to the coffin and instead of standing there quietly saying a prayer he said



“I told you so Colin …see, I didn’t have to wait that long “ and walked away.



Colin Barrett - Class Druggie , Class Alcoholic …Class Clown.