Plea for a pray

With all the crap that’s going on already in my life. With all the uncertainty killing me softly. I stand here on the brink of success and failure. I thought that it couldn’t get any worse but oh how wrong was I. to think that it would stop there. Now I have realized the reason behind my existence. The only cause for me to be still standing is to suffer through all the pain there is on offer.
This is probably all due to that one sin I long ago committed. I guess this is what you refer to as hell on earth. My sanity is now at stake as the blow I got today is so strong I feel like I am being pushed back eons. The one asset that I truly owned is being messed up with. My brain is losing its grips. I know it’s my fault. I knew that you don’t go about waking up the demons of the past, and yet I did it being oblivious of the fact that the damage I have already done and what further wreak havoc it can cause.
I just had to go there. Fucking hell, you can probably label me as the biggest asshole that ever walked this shit hole we live in. those three words followed a pause and then another three words have caused hurt to such an extent that I did not even know that such a level existed. I know the heart beats on the left hand side of your chest but then what is this insistent beat in all the other parts. My knees have gone week and for the first time I think I won’t be able to stand my ground. The conversation was ended, we had nothing more to say and yet the silence is so loud that it’s beating my eardrums.
I feel like having a drink or going back to my beloved 31’s but how can I, when I don’t even have enough strength to stand up. After I don’t know how many hours I’ve seemed to get hold of this freaking laptop trying to ease put the pain through fluttering out whatever I am feeling. My fingers on my right hand have gone numb and strangely enough they still keep on writing.
What I fail to comprehend is that which of the words caused my legs to go weak. Was it the first three or the last three? And why do the words keep on repeating themselves, getting louder and louder every time. I know that these words will never die down getting louder and noisier as the time passes by. I guess I have to walk through live and take this crap along with me till the very end.  Oh god I ask of your forgiveness. Please forgive my unforgivable sin. Please let me live this lifetime. Punish me for the sins in afterlife but let me be in this life. Oh god please listen to my prayers if not for me then for all the rest who own my life. I know the god listens to all, then please my LORD let me speak the words with which you will listen to me request and plea and give me a waiver till afterlife.
I beg of your mercy my lord. Save me this one time and I swear I will honor my words and serve you till the end of time. I am nothing but a fool. I am just one tiny creation amongst your awesome infinite creations. After all, my lord you sent me to this world. It might be that I was sent so that the rest would distinguish between the good n bad. But god I ask for your mercy. I beg of you to rectify my life. I bow down to your ultimate supremacy and ask for you to give me one last chance. I plea for you to give me the courage and strength to stand and fight for all those who are interlinked with me. My Dear Lord I ask for you to give me success if not for me then for all those unlucky and innocent lives that are linked with me and dependent on it. I pray to you my GOD help me. And I ask for all of you to pray to the LORD to help me and I beg to all of you to ask THE LORD to ease make my efforts not go in vain and please pray to thy god to give me success in my mission.
Please pray for me!