AFTER CARE

AFTER CARE

I watched the rain as it trickled down the train window. Dawn stood on the platform pretended to trip and I couldn’t help but laugh as a rather startled policeman caught her. She winked at me. “Poor man. She’ll eat him for breakfast!”
No doubt I’d get the usual phone call with all the gritty details.
As the train pulled out of the station the rain got heavier and heavier. Suddenly I began to feel rather strange. Tears suddenly pricked my eyes and the words ‘I don’t to live this life anymore’ echoed around my now aching head. I knew they were mine but they sent chills down my spine.

I had a nice flat, a part time job, a boyfriend and a very active social life. I should’ve been happy. After all it had been nine months since I’d sat in that room and slowly come to terms with the anger and grief that had consumed me for so long.
I caught my reflection in the glass. I had certainly changed. I was a trim size 12 thanks to the regular visits to the local gym, My once long hair was now cut short into a neat bob. My usual baggy t shirt, jeans and tatty trainers had been replaced by a figure hugging black dress and a matching pair of high heeled black shoes. Even my once bitten down fingernails were now perfectly manicured and decorated in a subtle shade of red.

“I don’t want to go home!” I sighed as I thought of him sitting there watching some daft kung fu movie with this best friend. A panic began to take hold. “I’ve got to get off this train!” I gasped as the train filled up with football fans on their way home from another glorious win for their team. My chest felt heavy and I began to feel sick.
Pushing through a group of sweaty boozy set of fans I managed to stagger onto the platform.

“It’s just a panic attack!” I sighed as I watched the train pull away. “Deep breaths. Deep breaths.”
I decided to go into the nearby café and have a very strong coffee with extra sugar. Frantically I sent Dawn a text hoping she’d be the voice of reason but as I stirred my coffee for the umpteenth time I realised that this time I was on my own.

It was an easy mistake to make expecting to fit back into my old life after everything that happened. Things were obviously going to different. I just wasn’t expecting it be to be like this. This night out has been so much fun but I still felt out of place somehow. Everything was as it should’ve been. Trilleys Bar had just the right amount of punters and a cracking Def Leppard tribute band playing. Yet as I stood there sipping my half pint of cider something deep inside kept niggling away at me. It was as if this new look me was the one thing that was different.
Closing my eyes it slowly began to sink in just how much I’d changed.

“I knew I’d find you here.” His familiar soothing tone made me jump. “You used to mention this place during our little chats. I miss those.”
“Dawn should learn to keep her mouth shut!” I retorted as he sat down next to me.
“She cares about you. She only wants to see you happy.”
“I am happy. It’s what you’d call a period of readjustment so go psycho analyse someone else.” I felt his hand touch mine. “Please don’t.” I begged as I shrugged him off. “Just don’t. Anyway You don’t need to worry. Next train that pulls in - I’m on it!”
“That wouldn’t solve anything and you know it! Why don’t you just face your fears?”
“I just can’t!” I stood up to leave but he grabbed my arm. “Let me go -please!” I wept.
“I can’t. I know what you’re going through because I’m going through it too.”
“Is this one of your tricks? Because it’s not funny…”
“You silly beautiful, crazy woman!” He interrupted as he pulled me close to him. “Don’t you think we’ve wasted enough time?” He whispered before kissing me passionately on the lips. “Says it all doesn’t it? I know it won’t easy but..”
“Hush!” I smiled as I kissed him back. “Let’s get out of here!”

As we sat there on the train. We didn’t know where we were going but we’d get there together. I thought of Him sitting there wondering just how his girlfriend and best friend had fallen in love…